Before the summer even began, the gardeners (the new ones) decided to prune the Pawpaw tree (AKA, rip off the lower branches without permission), and I was worried we wouldn’t get any fruit this year. I was grateful, though, that at least these gardeners didn’t cut down a whole tree (the way the previous ones did), and it turns out that we do have three small Pawpaws growing on the upper branches of the tree. The new gardeners also seemed to think they should weed Mom’s little fenced-in garden, and so far they’ve pulled up a potato plant and oregano, but no weeds. To be fair, I wouldn’t know the difference either, but that’s why I am not a gardener.
I don’t know how anyone does anything outdoors in the kind of heat we’d had recently, because I can barely breathe in it and certainly can’t think clearly, but Mom has still been working in her garden and we’ve had workmen in and around the Co-op redoing the heating system, and I feel vicarious incipient heat stroke whenever I see them outside.
With both dogs not feeling well lately, we’ve been limiting their walks during the day, so I haven’t had the chance to visit the Pawpaw tree as much as usual to see if there are any more Pawpaws hiding in there. But I know the tree is thriving. It’s gotten so tall that there could be plenty more Pawpaws higher up that I’d never see until they fall on my head in September. And the baby trees, about fifty feet away, are getting taller too, though it will probably be quite a few years before they begin to fruit.
At some point, the weather will have to relent, and the Pawpaws will be ripe and ready to eat, but I don’t know if I will still have both of my dogs by then, so it’s hard to think ahead and wish for the cooler weather.
I hate that so much love has to come with so much loss, but I haven’t figured out a way to have the one without the other. Yet. If you figure it out first, please let me know.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my Young Adult novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
Love without loss…. that is a tough one. I think you can have love but eventually there is loss ( ie. when the one you love dies)
I can always dream.
I hope your dogs are weathering the heat. Heat and humidity are more dangerous than most people realize. BTW, I’m sure there must be more pawpaws lingering in the higher branches.
I hope so!
where do you live? Somewhere warm, where tropical fruit grows!
Long Island, where pawpaws come for some new scenery.
Oh coolness! I’ve been to NY but not long island!
I ache for you Rachel. Your love for Ellie and Cricket (and other doggies before) is part of who you are. When they are failing, and you’ve done everything possible to keep them comfortable, all you can do is give them grace for being such sweethearts, and give yourself grace for loving them so.
I’m trying. Thank you!
I haven’t figured it out, but what’s working for me is learning to accept pain as a part of life. It’s hard. I have to love the whole thing, not just what I prefer. The alternative, which is hating the world for being like it is, is far worse. I hope you can find some comfort, and compassion for your own suffering, too, in all this. Peace.
Thank you!
It was about 2 month ago when a friend of mine lost both of her dogs in just one week. One went on Monday and the other followed on Friday. Needless to say she was destroyed. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one person in so much pain. So I advised her (from own experience) to get a new dog right away. It is not to replace the old one, you can not do that, but to combat the pain because that is a big part of what dogs do, the make us happy and fill our lives with joy. And a new dog adds more love to the love that is already there while it takes away the pain in a truly magical way.
How awful. That’s too much loss at one time.
Hope the heat subsides soon. The pawpaws must be loving it though.
I hope so!
That’s the major drawback with pets, particularly as they quickly become family members.
It’s awful.
I’m sure it is which is why I don’t have any pets.
🫤🖤🐕 Hang in there Rachel
I’m trying!
That is all you can do
There is that old, old adage: It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. A friend of mine recently commented that she believes that when we grieve over a lost one, it’s just our way of sending out to them the love we didn’t get to send to them yet before they were gone. That doesn’t make us grieve less, but for me, it gives me the ability to honor that grief.
That’s a beautiful idea!
Maybe a little sign that says do not pull the weeds. Lovingly cared for by a private gardener. 🙂
I certainly haven’t discovered how to lose a dog I love without a lot of heartache. And a heart dog brings the worst heartbreak of all. I think the only way to avoid it is to not love, and wouldn’t that be the saddest thing?
It would.
Sorry your pups are not well. So much love comes with the anticipation of loss … I believe God gives us these furry bundles of unconditional love to teach us how to live better and how to let go when the time comes. ❤️👍🏽 Thanks for the pictures of the pawpaw trees. I’ve sung about them, but never seen one before. 🥰
Thank you!
I agree Rachel. The greater the love, the greater the loss. It is an inevitable part of life. Still painful.
I know, and I hate it.
I hate that so much love has to come with so much loss, but I haven’t figured out a way to have the one without the other.
The definition of dog ownership. Wish I knew the answer. On at least a little happier note, “Three Little Pawpaws” has firmly planted as an earworm, the old Bob Marley song “Three Little Birds.” I’m walking around singing about three little pawpaws sitting on my doorstep and my spouse thinks I have finally gone around the bend, mon.
Finally?
Suspected but never proven until lately.
I’m sorry the dogs aren’t well and in fact it might be pretty bad. I don’t know the answer to having love without the loss. I had my cat for nineteen years; she died ten years ago, and I still see her now and then when I look up or down. Remember to say something nice to the trees when next you see them.
I will. Thank you!
You’re on my mind all the time. Continuing to send good thoughts and love your way.
Thank you!
I am so sorry to hear that both Ellie and Cricket are not well. It’s bad enough when one is poorly, but both together must be dreadful. Wishing them both recoveries Rachel ❤
Thank you!
I know just what you mean about the joy and the grief being inextricably mixed. I remember a quote from “A Grief Observed, the book C.S. Lewis wrote after Joy’s death: “The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That’s the deal.”
As he often did in his writing, Lewis nailed it. This is the great truth of loving each other here on earth.”
I think of that often.
Harrumph.
My true feelings!
I am sorry to see that your dogs aren’t well. While everyone is different I emphasise some of the feelings as I lost my dog when I was young. I still recall standing on the balcony every night calling for him and wishing that he’ll come back. It’s a hard one.
I wish you, and the dogs the best of luck.
Thank you!
Thank you for visiting my blog to lead me to yours, friend! Our neighbors grow paw paws and have given us some.
I hope you’re staying cool today. Have a great day!
Thank you! You too!
I am sorry your baby girls are not doing well. It is such a difficult thing. Hugs!
Thank you!
I wish you many more happy and healthy months, if not years, with both of your fur babies.
Thank you!
Wishing you as many puppy cuddles, quiet times and happy moments with your babies as is possible. What little sweeties…
Julie
Thank you so much!
(((❤️)))
I never heard of a pawpaw before. I looked it up just now and the sound delicious. How lucky you are to have a pawpaw fruit tree? Hope you enjoy the pawpaw season!
Thank you!!!
Pets are so much more than pets, and losing them is just awful. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.
I’m also enraged on your mom’s behalf. Potato and oregano plants should be recognizable to anyone who gardens or knows plants. What possessed these gardeners to weed a fenced off (aka private) garden?
The gardeners did it again today. It’s really upsetting my Mom. They’ve been told multiple times but somehow it doesn’t compute.
I’m upset for her! Maybe she needs to put a sign up, or netting over her garden.
We’re going to put up signs next. Grr.
I hope the sign helped!