In a previous post I mentioned that I was putting the idea of what I want out into the universe, and ever since then I’ve been debating with myself over whether I really believe in this concept or not. I want to believe in it. I want to believe that by putting my dreams into words and speaking them outloud I can create some sort of alchemy that will bring these dreams to life. But then I worry that this is all “magical thinking,” which has always been a soft spot of mine, and something I’ve been told is somewhere in mental illness territory.
Logically, I can argue that you have to articulate your dreams in order to reach them, at least as a first step on the journey, because if you don’t know what you want you can’t work towards your goals. And I can also argue that telling other people what you hope for can be practical, both because they may have connections or advice to help you reach your goals, and because having friends remind you of your goals can keep you on track. And, if you strip away the wishful thinking part of the whole thing, it’s reasonable to assume that if you focus more on the things you really want in your life, you will start to notice the small opportunities you might have missed before, and therefore have more chances to reach your goals.
But, I don’t think that’s what I really mean when I think about the power of putting an idea out into the universe, or “manifesting” as it seems to be called today. What I’m really hoping for is that God, or the universe, will give me what I want without me having to do anything.
Early in life I learned about a version of God that actively does these kinds of things for us: pushing water out of the way so that my ancestors could cross the Sea of Reeds, or sending locusts to convince Pharaoh to let our people go. I loved this vision of God, but it was hard to hold onto it in the face of a much more disappointing version of reality. Then I was taught that even though God hears our prayers, and they are therefore never wasted, sometimes, for whatever reason, God’s answer is no; and we should trust that when God says no to our requests that means the best answer was no, even if we will never understand why. This has never been a satisfying idea for me, if only because I don’t really trust authority figures to judge what’s best for me. Even God.
And then, in college, I learned that it is reasonable to doubt that God has a plan as such and is choosing winners and losers, or even has a role in our everyday lives. Instead, I should see God in the Aristotelian way – as the unmoved mover, the one who got the ball rolling but then stepped back and left us to our own devices. And therefore we have to make our own fate, and fight and scrap for everything we want and never wait for luck to kick in.
So, I’m split. I believe, deep in my heart, that there are powers and connections at work in the universe that exist despite my inability to see them. But I also believe, almost as deeply, that believing in such things is ridiculous.
Recently, my mother underwent a heart procedure where they were supposed to insert clips on her mitral valve in order to mitigate the damage to the valve, which was causing fluid to regurgitate into the left ventricle. She has had mild to moderate damage to her mitral valve forever, but a recent test showed that the damage had reached the severe stage and therefore needed to be addressed surgically.
Except, the procedure was unsuccessful. It’s not that the clips were unable to adequately close the holes in the mitral valve but that the doctor was unable to even deploy the clips in the first place, because of changes in Mom’s anatomy caused by her scoliosis. The doctor also discovered two other important things during this failed procedure: one, because of these changes in her anatomy the open heart surgery that would have to be performed to fully replace her mitral valve would be contraindicated (aka too dangerous), and two, the damage to the mitral valve isn’t actually so severe and therefore can be managed with medication.
After reading up on “manifesting,” I started to worry that my fears about the open heart surgery had caused this procedure to fail. I was asking God to make sure we didn’t have to do the open heart surgery, or anything that could put my mother’s life at risk, and what if, in response, God said, Okay, we’ll just stop it all right here. The logical part of my brain says that God didn’t do any such thing, and that this was going to be the outcome no matter what I thought or prayed for. But if that’s true, doesn’t that mean that my prayers are a waste of time in every case?
In the research I did on “manifesting,” I came across different interpretations of the idea. One said that having any negative thoughts causes negative things to happen, so, it really is all my fault. Another said that if you do affirmations a thousand or so times a day, you will draw your goals closer to you, with your vibrations. The most practical interpretation I read, though, said that the point of all of the thinking and hoping and focusing on your goals is to get you to start thinking of actions you can take towards your goals, and to encourage you to notice more opportunities than you otherwise would. There is still some magic implied in this interpretation, along the lines of “God helps those who help themselves,” but it’s a kind of magic I can almost believe in.
The reality is, you can argue for almost any world view you want to, and find plenty of evidence for your choice, but there will always be loose threads left unexplained, because we don’t, and can’t, know the whole picture. We are all guessing, or at the very least, interpreting the data we ourselves have access to as if that’s all the data that exists.
So, do I believe that I can manifest my dreams by saying them out loud? Maybe. I don’t know.
For now, I’m going to hope that the doctors can find the right combination of medications to help Mom manage her mitral valve, and allow her to have the energy to do more of the things she loves, for many years to come. And I’m going to keep looking at the stuffed puppy dog sitting on top of my computer screen, and hope that the real life version of him will arrive someday soon. I don’t know if God listens to my hopes and prayers, but I know that it feels good to put it all into words, and saying my dreams outloud makes me feel like I’m taking steps to make the world into the kind of place I can live in, just by imagining that it already is that place. We’ll see where it takes me.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my Young Adult novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
sending best of wishes and courage, Rachel
Thank you!
Thank you – I too have often considered these questions, and come to very much the same conclusions as you express so eloquently in this post. I think it’s generally true that ‘God (or “the Universe”) helps those who help themselves’ but it doesn’t always work that way, and whether or not there is some grand overall plan is beyond human powers to know.
I’m sorry about what happened with your Mom’s heart procedure, and do hope her symptoms can be managed with medication. J Jennifer
Website and blog https://www.jenniferbarraclough.com New book “Migraine and Me https://books2read.com/b/md2Rnw“
Thank you!
beautifully put I have all the same feelings and could not have summed it up better than that. Here’s to hoping we can send those thoughts out into the universe and have them be acted upon.
Fingers crossed!
I hope the doctors looking after your mother can get the right combination of treatments for her. My mother is in a similar situation with her aortic valve.
Thank you! I hope the same for your Mom!
My acquaintances who believe that the Universe manifests our fervent thoughts and wishes, say this is a form of prayer. My cousin who is very much into this philosophy says she puts the hope “out there” into the Universe, then lets go. In the end, it’s a matter of the Universe working in “mysterious ways”. I personally hope that the greatest benefits come true for you and your mother.
Thank you so much!
I always put my hopes and dreams out there. And if they are accepted, that is great. If not, it was probably not meant to be, and that is great, too. But I truly believe that getting them out there is important. What will be will be.
We’ll see what happens!
It’s just because of different mysterious ways
I think you’re spot on. Putting it out there opens up your defenses to allow good stuff in. Back at the turn of the century I wanted nothing more than to find someone to love. So I just got busy doing what I love, playing in bands, playing open mics, writing, etc. it allowed me to become the version of myself that I wanted to present to the world. Some of my friends knew I wanted to find someone to love,but not all of them. But I was out there, doing my thing and meeting people and eventually friends found someone who was right, introduced us and the rest is history. I always believe that a combination of openness, prayer and the universe helped this to happen.
That’s beautiful!!!!!
don’t ever stop praying. I can’t imagine your worries or concerns manifested negatively towards your mother’s surgery. For me every thought, concern, hope is a prayer. God only wants good for us. He is also right there with us in the bad or unexpected. I believe this with all my heart. I’m glad it can be managed with medication.🙏
Thank you!
You can have it both ways. I recently heard a wonderful “non-gimmicky” description of manifestation. “You become who you think you already are.” Not a matter of think if it hard and it will become, but how you view yourself ultimately is what you will become. And prayer can manifest that. God may not answer us “yes” or “no” but rather put the tools out there and we have to do the work. The classic story of you can pray to find gold and God may lead you there, but you have to work the shovel. Always the best to you and your journey.
Thank you!
Oh my what a philosophical state of contridiction to be in. I hope at the very least your head is calmed, just be there for your Mom sending ❤️🩹🙏
Thank you!
Here’s hoping your mum does well in spite of the prognosis.
Thank you!
Sometime I think God answers my prayers, “Hell no and quit bothering me!” So I try not to ask for things but pray to say thanks for the things I get, although I confess to still asking for things. Manifesting and that sort of thing (like making a collage of what you want your life to be) do have an element of magical thinking but can also lead to action. Still, I can totally identify with your wanting to just have them with no extra effort. Sorry about this long comment, as it becomes increasingly clear I have no words of wisdom. I hope for your mother’s good health and for that dog to find you soon.
Thank you!
Seek to be the best version of yourself.
The universe will reflect it.
and,
There are only two paths,
With Christ and without Christ.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s operation! I’ve never really believed in an all-powerful God who is controlling what happens to us, but I do believe in an ever present God who walks with us through our joys and our tragedies, and everything in between. But as you say, we all have our own world views, and there’s no way to really prove or disprove any of them. And I think your plan moving forward is a good one.
Thank you!
I love your stuffed puppy! I actually have a stuffed toy sighthound which sat next to my computer the last time I was between dogs, and I kept telling myself ‘I’m so happy and grateful NOW to have a real live whippet.’ I said ‘now’ instead of ‘soon’ because ‘soon’ keep the thing you want in the future instead of bringing it to you in the present. I don’t know if it helped, but I do have a real live whippet now – and yes, I’m very happy and grateful to have her! Like you, I think this sort of thing works because it keeps you focused on your goal and looking out for opportunities.
I hope so!
I love your little stuffed dog. I am eager to read your book. I live in Queens, NY in a neighborhood that borders an orthodox Jewish one. There’s a Yeshiva school nearby and I see the students walking to and from class every day, so your excerpt resonated with me and intrigued me to want to get the book.
Thank you so much!
Hoping your mom does well! And I believe there is a perfect dog out there for you and you will find each other at the perfect time! As for manifesting, I think it’s a combination of focus and being “ready.” I cannot tell you how many things have suddenly happened once I was in a place to accept them.
That’s great to hear. Thank you!
I’m sorry the clip surgery didn’t work out for your mom. I have someone I know who had that surgery done successfully and I had hoped for a similar outcome for your mom. It’s so stressful trying to find the right medicine/treatment. I think putting your thoughts & dreams out into the world might be magical thinking but isn’t mental illness. It’s quantifying your dreams and that’s fine as long as you make plans along side that and try to figure out ways to make them happen. Best of luck, Rachel.
Thank you!
I believe thinking positive thoughts are always best, no matter what. And, while you may not be able to control your entire life with them, you will find many of those things do happen. It’s a good way to live.
I hope so! Thank you!
Sending all good wishes to you and your mom. It sure sounds like it’s time for a real doggie in your lives.
Thank you!
Your fears did not cause your mother’s surgery to fail, dear Rachel. Put that out of your mind. God does not penalize us that way.
Nor does the universe work that way. Many who do not know God substitute the universe it His place. They would like to think it is kindly disposed toward them when, in fact, the universe it not sentient. It was, however, created by a loving God who is kindly disposed toward us. In fact, His love and mercy are boundless.
It is difficult for us to deal w/ situations where the outcome — through no fault of our own — is not what we hoped. We are bound to ask why God allowed that.
If you have any interest, I wrote a 3-part series on this subject called Solid Food. You can find it on A Lawyer’s Prayers at https://alawyersprayers.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/solid-food-part-1/?preview_id=537&preview_nonce=8819d7cf99&post_format=standard&_thumbnail_id=-1&preview=true; https://alawyersprayers.wordpress.com/2012/05/15/solid-food-part-2/?preview_id=541&preview_nonce=bd779482f6&post_format=standard&_thumbnail_id=-1&preview=true; and https://alawyersprayers.wordpress.com/2012/05/23/solid-food-part-3/?preview_id=550&preview_nonce=c49ee1514d&post_format=standard&_thumbnail_id=-1&preview=true.
I will pray for your mother.
Thank you!
Rachel I feel for you and your mother. It’s beyond frustrating to have them do a procedure that they cannot complete. Your questions ad thoughts are ones I’ve been debating for years. My therapist says to delude myself with positive thoughts because negative ones lead to depression. So I try to. If it’s raining, well, I don’t have to water the plants. That kind of thing But I do think writing it and saying it out loud and sharing with someone you trust help to keep focused. Prayers for your Mom. Someone might be listening!
I hope so! Thank you!
So well articulated- “What I’m really hoping for is that God, or the universe, will give me what I want without me having to do anything.” -AND, honest! I find myself in the same place, because I’m exhausted, and can’t physically “take matters into my own hands” anymore.
Your whole lament was perfectly said. “We’ll see.”
Fingers crossed. 🙂
Thank you so much!
Hi Rachel
A helpful technique for creative manifestation (which is not magical thinking) is envisioning from the future assuming your goal or destination is already achieved. Using first person present tense you can write of what life is like for you in your fulfilled condition and HOW you brought this about step by step. A good book with this technique is How to Master Change in Your Life, by Mary Carroll Moore. 👍
Thank you!
Don’t tie yourself in knots with all this. If you need to imagine something at least make it be on the lookout for a perfect dog!
I have a habit of thinking that acknowledging fears of something will PREVENT it from happening. It’s a situation that leads to a lot of negative thinking, so it’s probably not healthy.
So interesting!
“Magical thinking” through the centuries led to the procedures we have that diagnosed your mom’s problems and created treatments. It often leads to solutions that “common sense” or “rational thought” would deem impossible. “Magical thinking” got us to the moon. Perhaps as we seek God’s answers we discover that he has built solutions into Creation already, but we have to let our minds wander and consider its unimaginable depths to find them.
I beg you not to denigrate the importance of magical thinking.
In the meantime, I’ll pray for the skill of your mom’s doctors; for their wisdom in evaluating her situation (an essential characteristic often overlooked in the current practice of medicine); and for the unfathomable ability of the body to heal and restore itself.
Thank you!