Some people resonate with each other, not because they are objectively the same but because they complement each other in interesting ways. We often talk about yin and yang, where two people create a whole circle, but I tend to think more of melody and harmony. It’s not a circle with no holes, it’s a song that resonates and echoes.
Cricket and Butterfly are not a perfect match. First of all, they look too much alike. They have the same color hair, both white with apricot markings in mostly the same places. And they both bark, at different pitches, but not in a harmony of beautiful sound; they are not a choir, they are a cacophony of noise. They are not the same height, but also not opposites, like big and small or fat and skinny. They are just small and smaller. They don’t fill all of the possible spaces in the world with their two personalities, but sometimes they harmonize in interesting and beautiful ways.
Butterfly was very excited to meet Cricket on her first day home.
Cricket was less excited.
“Okay, maybe she’s not so bad.”
Cricket is much more of a protector, wild with noise and ready to lunge at friends and strangers alike, and Butterfly is more of a conciliator, but not always. She is not always slow and Cricket is not always fast. But they have worked out, as sisters. They have not camped out at opposite sides of the apartment, hissing at each other like cats. They do not ignore each other. Sometimes they snuggle or sleep close by each other. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes one is going crazy and the other stands by with a lifted eyebrow, but then the roles reverse.
Cricket, protecting the world from the inherent violence of sticks.
Butterfly, meditating on the absence of chicken treats.
They often like to walk in opposite directions, to see how far my arms can stretch away from my body.
Sometimes the girls even work together.
I think we have this unreachable ideal of perfection in love, of black and white, all or nothing, that two people either match perfectly or they don’t match at all. But what if it’s not supposed to be just two people completing each other? Maybe no one person is the perfect and whole complement to any other person, because that wouldn’t leave room for anything or anyone else. Even the happiest couples crave children, or friendships, or dogs, teachers, or coworkers, or clergy. There has to be some room left over in a couple for the rest of the world to filter in – not like a great flood whooshing through the relationship and wiping everything out, but room for more people, more ideas, more emotions. There are so many couples at my synagogue who have lasted 40, 50, and 60 years together and they still leave room for other people and activities and ideas. They accept that there are unfilled spaces between them, and that that’s a good thing.
Both of my dogs resonate with me (I did choose them after all). Cricket’s Sturm und Drang and high drama and need for closeness speak of the volume of emotion coursing through me all my life. The noise of her happiness and pain and excitement and rage, and her unbearable joy in love and curiosity and new things, resonates with me. And the way she studies the things she loves so carefully and with such attention, is just like me.
“Food!!!!!!!!”
Butterfly is this sweet grief, this place of joy and pain mixed together that I remember from visiting my grandfather, and going out for ice cream sundaes at six in the morning because Grandma couldn’t stand to wake up to children in her house. Butterfly is joy tempered by patience, and when she knows what she needs, endless stubbornness and knowledge that she is right. We are the same! This is me! Well, not all of me, but some. And I could make room for more soul mates like these, because there is more of me to be met.
“I think I can…I think I can.”
I am always on the lookout for people who will resonate with me and I’ve had to learn to give the chemistry more time to grow – but there are still people who, right away, glow for me; people whose energy reaches across the room to me so that I can feel it in my fingers and on my face. I don’t understand this. I worry that I can’t live without this kind of glow.
What if, in two or three ways, you have that full on orchestral sound in your ears with someone, but on the fourth note: cacophony? Or, you’re both in sync, but your families hate the sound of each other? Or what if your families like each other and you have no major cacophonies, but the harmonies between you are only middling, is that better?
I don’t know. Maybe I should just leave it to Cricket to decide.
She’s ready.
rachelmankowitz 
It’s interesting how you talk about the way people can resonate with one another.
I love it when I meet someone (male or female) and something clicks immediately. You just *know* you’re on the same wavelength. Doesn’t happen very often.
Other relationships do take time to grow. I sort of compare humans with dogs. Humans “sniff” each other out but not in the same way as dogs do! We do it more subtly.
Love your dogs. So sweet. 🙂
Can you imagine if we went around sniffing everyone? That would be awesome! And totally disgusting at the same time!
Re: your “what if”s — Nobody ever said life was going to be perfect. That’s the Platonic Ideal. Down here, in the real world, we go with what we’ve got, which in your case with Cricket and Butterfly seems to be quite a lot. 🙂
Thank you! Though there really is room for a third dog around here. Just don’t tell Cricket!
hmmmm….I shan’t tell Buddy and Ginger either because I too have been thinking that three is better than two. So much love to give these guys, I have (as do you).
I like your choice of word, complement.. we do not fill every space of every heart but we may complement..This is another wonderful post!
Thank you so much!
Wonderful post. I love the photos of them with their heads in the snow!
Butterfly saw Cricket sniffing intently and decided to follow along!
You are so philosophical and I love how you write. Finding a perfect match is not so perfect, because you really need those holes between with room to differ and branch out. You need somewhere to go when you are disappointed with some dischord. Thanks for expressing yourself today.
Thank you so much!
In a hundred years I wonder how many people will still be married for 40 or more years… I think the culture of seeing marriage as something to be nurtured beyond its components is a treasure people have set aside and I hope it changes soon! Cricket seems to understand.
Cricket believes in forever relationships. She clamps on to Grandma’s leg and won’t let her go!
Smart girl, that Cricket!
I think being a match with one or few other beings requires work. Effortless completion can only be reached by all of us together. I love your philosophy. 😊
Thank you!
What a wonderful post, Rachel. This is so true for humans, your dogs and my cats. Kitty hisses at Parker so Parker cuddles with Teemu. I think they need to talk with Cricket. I just love that last picture of her. Cricket needs a sign over her like Lucy in the Peanuts comic strip: The doctor is in. We’ll call for an appointment. 🙂
Oh man! I actually had one of those Doctor-is-in booths made for me when we put on “You’re Good Man Charlie Brown” one summer in camp. Cricket would have loved it!!!!!!
I enjoyed reading this very much. With 2 dogs a cat and a parrot we compliment each other but… everybody doesn’t always get a long. most of the time we do. We live in harmony 90 % of the time . There are very few people I get that click with besides my brothers and sisters. But the few people that I do are very good friendships that have lasted for years.
90% harmony sounds good to me. Cricket alone runs that percentage down by a quite a bit, but that’s because she doesn’t really enjoy harmony. She prefers discord every once in a while.
It is real good because BabyGirl is what I call bi polar. He asset is she listens very well. Midnight barks, BabyGirl howls and the bird does a truck back up beep and they think they sound good lol This is their chorus .
Hi Rachel I too am enjoying your thoughts and writing. You live in a different community to me which I like hearing about and I am enjoying the fact that you make me think and write more on my blog. I love your doggie pictures and they complement your writing as well 🙂 Relationships for all of us need work, but some people are much easier and as you say the instant Click of recognition. is great when you meet a new person. Now that I have more time on my hands I will be seeking out new friends who will be positive in their thinking but also challenging me along the way. I too worry that many couples or friends do not want to put work into a relationship to make it last or else the friendship or giving only goes one way. I want a two way connection with fun and laughter as well as the serious moments. keep the posts coming.
Thank you!!!
LC, I really like your reference to “the click of recognition.” This is a particularly apt turn of phrase in our blogging community, where the “click” is a quite literal thing! 🙂
thanks
Great post. Your writings always give me something to think about; its so true that we humans sometimes seem to place so much pressure on the significant others in our lives; expecting them to fulfill all of our criteria as a perfect compliment to our own selves. Animals often seem to have a much more realistic acceptance of thier companions and a better capacity for compromise than us humans do. I often wonder which species actually has more intelligence, and feel that we humans voted ourselves into the top slot in that category, simply by making up our own rules and guidelines as to what intelligence is actually comprised off. If it is the capacity to learn something new, or to learn from our mistakes, then we humans are often quite lacking.
So, so , so true!
I so understand your post, Rachel, and I think it’s wonderful — deep, complex, and so spot on. Good work, good writing.
Thank you so much!
Beautiful as usual but I had to comment because that photo of Cricket with the stick is priceless.
Cricket works very hard to keep those sticks in their place.
What a beautiful, positive post and from one so young. I don’t think I had that insight just short of 40. On anothe rnote, I loved the contrasting photos of Cricket and Butterfly on the day they were introduced. They don’t need words, do they/
And last but not least, Marcel, Marceau, and Marble, the feline members of the House of Mars want you to know, they resent your feline comparison about hissing from opposite ends of the house!
I’m very sorry Marcel, Marceau, and Marble. I did not mean to suggest that all cats would behave in such a way. It’s just that, some cats, and you may have met them somewhere along the way, have been known to behave in a less than friendly manner.
Just try introducing a new cat into the household to hear how much hissing a cat can make! And set a record for how many days they keep it up too.
Nancy
Your post was a funny essay on how our animals act, but also very applicable to how we act as humans (humorous, but more serious). I enjoyed it and found it gave me some stuff to think about. I think it’s easier to understand our own issues when we see our animals acting it out.
My two bigger dogs get along well together most of the time, but neither of them like the miniature pinscher. If he climbs into a big boy bed, they clear out. 100 pounds of dog in one bed, 7 pounds in the other. The picture is at the bottom of this post:
http://livingtheseasons.com/2012/01/05/what-to-choose/
Nancy
That picture is awesome!
Another fabulous post Rachel! So expressive … I can’t get enough of your writing!
Thank you! Now if only agents felt the same way.
Well said – enjoyed this post!
Thank you!!!!!
You write so beautifully. Lovely post.
Thank you so much!
Rachel, you really do have to write a book about Cricket and Butterfly. I am sure it would be full of doggie wisdom that a whole lot of people would appreciate. And if the book introduces more people to your blog, so much the better!
Thank you! Wait, you mean I have to do more work?!!!!!
They say people resemble their dogs, I much prefer your term, ‘resonate with them’. I seem to get on better with dogs than people, but although it’s obvious I’m a doggie person, I was told by a former boss that I am a people person, so I guess I’ve got the best of both worlds. Lovely post Rachel, as always. Love your dogs. >3
I’ve found that, because dogs require me to accept them as they are, I’ve learned to be a bit better at accepting people as they are too. It’s still a work in progress, though.
Lovely post! This is so much a description of the married state – though my wife and I do spend quite a lot of time at opposite ends of the room hissing at one another. Generally we get on. Even now, as I sit up here going through my mail, I know she is downstairs waiting for her chicken treats.
Ha!!!!
Dogs can teach us a lot about life :o) Cricket do you had a lipstick for lunch or some squirrels?
Cricket has spent her whole life trying to have a squirrel for lunch, alas, she has had to settle for kibble.
SSuperb post
Great post! Resonate is a good word to describe certain relationships. The people in my life who I feel an unspoken connection to are like kindred spirits, people I instantly resonate with, as though we have always known each other. There is a sense of effortlessness. I have always felt a deep connection to dogs and cats in my life, and currently enjoy observing the evolving relationship between my dog and his two kitten brothers. My husband and I are witnessing a natural bond unfolding between everyone in our little (furry) family.
That’s wonderful!
This is beautiful, and resonant, and you are a fine writer & a true dog lover… thank you for this!!!
Thank you so much!
Rachel. Love your writing style and wit. I too am working on a project (using my art) for helping the aging senior find joy. I live near a retirement community and what I see most is ‘joyless living’ – even with the golf courses! Keep up the good work.
I would love if we could have an artist and a musician to work with the seniors too, because writing is only one way to reach them. I’m so glad you’re doing what you’re doing!
I have on several occasions read that eventually our dogs start to resemble us or is it that we start to resemble our dogs? I do know that I have always felt sympatico with my doggies as do you and it’s a great feeling. 🙂
Butterfly likes to eat pens. I think this is her way of showing me that we like the same things.
That’s adorable 😀
Aloha Rachel,
Nice to see you and the pups!
Hope all is well.
: )
Thanks! Nice to see you to!
Thanks for stopping by my page Rachel. We had Yoda, a German Shepherd mix who passed on a year ago. Yoda and Spiky never met and are different as night and day. One thing they have in common is their protective nature towards family. Thanks again. Cheers
Cricket never met her older sister, Dina, a black lab mix, but she could sense her smell lingering in the house, and I think that brought her comfort.
I really enjoyed this post sweet Rachel. And I always love seeing pictures of sweet Butterfly and sweet Cricket. Cricket and Chancy would get along well keeping the world from sticks. Chancy has to destroy every stick he sees. Hugs and nose kisses
Cricket tried to teach Butterfly about the great stick enemy, but it didn’t sink in. The backyard is overrun with sticks! Chancy must come and help!!!!!
Oh, he would love that. He works hard ridding the yard with sticks, he does not like them at all.
Loved the post, Rachel! I hope Butterfly’s meditation manifested a few chicken treats….for both of them.
She meditated so hard we ran out of chicken treats! Cricket kept trying to climb the bookcase to see if more chicken treats had appeared.
Love this post, Rachel. It made me stop and go back over different relationships and friendships in my life and what drew me to them or pushed me away. Some of the best friendships started with my initial thinking I would not like the person, then over time having them become some of my best friends! It’s a complicated but beautiful world in so many ways! 😀
Thank you!
Another wonderful post! I’ve tweeted it and two others. 🙂
Thank you so much!
My pleasure, Rachel. I’ve just done the same again 🙂
❤ this. People sometimes think it's crazy when I compare humans with, say, dog behavior…..or even horse behavior! After all, we *are* all mammals.
I know what you mean, especially if you compare dogs to babies or kids…
Yeah…but all the furry critters *are* our kids (including the two horses and the evil cat…and the dogs…and, at one point, a chicken LOL)
You will have to let us know what Crickett decides. What a great way to describe ying and yang. Love your pictures!
Thank you! I think Cricket has her eye on a new cat in the neighborhood and everything else has gone fuzzy.
Loved it!
Thank you!
This is an amazing love story!
Reblogged this on General Life|Health, Love, Nutrition|Be Strong & Healthy and commented:
I found this amazing love story!
Thank you so much!
Reblogged this on melek terapisti.
Thank you!
I have 2 labrador/husky X brothers (same litter), they were 2 years old in October! One is brown and cream with floppy ears, quite laid back, screams (literally screams), his name is Bayleigh, and then there’s Baine, black and white with ears pointed, a bit smaller than Bayleigh and quite the boisterous chap.. Both are so different from each other but they fit perfectly into our little family, discussing to others but they’d be laying in the floor cuddled up and will clean each other’s ears.. Yes inside with tongues.. It’s so amazing to watch although my friends shed a t the thought of it! I love how you use your words to give the whole picture, I can almost envision Cricket and Butterfly on front of me! Beautiful piece ☺ I am new to WordPress/Blogging etc.. so hopefully I will get the whole hang of it soon enough! Wish me luck 💜
Good luck, and thank you!
Beautiful!
Thank you!
This is beautiful and touching, I really like how you used your own dogs to get at a very deep point and make it clear for everyone to understand. This screams effort and long times of consideration, I applaude you
Thank you! I stare at the dogs for hours every day, hoping they will give me inspiration, and, you know, procrastinating.
Who doesn’t? xD
Reblogged this on albakistan.
Thank you!
Beautiful post. I really enjoy knowing there are others who blog about their dogs. I thought I was an oddity, but here you are! Thanks for sharing! 😀
Oh I am a dog blog addict! I did a post a while back listing all of the dog blogs I knew of at the time. You should check it out. You are not alone!
omg isn’t he cute
Thank you!
welcome buddie
can I have a pic of him?? he so cute!!
At first I thought, not being a regular
reader, that cricket and butterfly were fictional bug characters in a metaphor about friendship. Then I realized they were dogs.
Ha!!!!!!!!!
Reblogged this on Good Lifestyler.
Thank you!
Not a problem 🙂
Made my evening! 🙂
What sweet little babies!
Thank you!
Love reading about them… so thank YOU! I rescued a cat 8 years ago and I’m thinking of getting a dog now!
Cricket wants a cat of her own, I’m just not sure what she wants to do to it. I mean with it.
Lol! 😉
I really enjoyed this! Beautiful way to describe life and its social components.
Thank you so much!
I think that’s how we were created, not perfect coz I know someone will fill up our imperfections so we can resonate and be perfected for each other! Like yoir article!
Thank you!