I like the smell of burning wood, and the Snowflake lights, and the chill of the beginning of winter. I like hot cocoa, and eggnog, and any excuse to top things with whipped cream. But I have mixed feelings about Christmas, because I’m Jewish and it’s not my holiday. We didn’t talk much about Christmas in my Jewish Day School growing up, but every show I watched on TV at this time of year (and I watched a lot of TV) had a Christmas themed episode, and it was, as intended, enchanting.
“I love whipped cream!”
If you look through a list of the creators of Christmas movies and Christmas music, you’ll find tons of Jewish names. It could be a coincidence, but I think it’s because, as outsiders, Jews were desperate to feel that sense of magic and belonging. The whole town comes together to celebrate, with food and drink and sparkling lights. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of that? The idea that some magical character will know exactly what I need, and provide it, is every child’s wish. As is the idea that being a good and kind person should pay off.
But then I’m reminded, by this or that song, that this is not my holiday. I do not sing songs about Jesus. I don’t believe in the virgin birth. I am not the target audience for movies about the crucifixion, or stories about how Jews add the blood of gentile children to their matzot at Passover (where did that idea even come from?). These stories remind me that there are large groups of people who think I have horns coming out of my head.
“What?!”
And then I watch an ice skating show on TV, or hear someone singing Silent Night (or singing a Jewish prayer to the tune of Silent Night, at Friday night services at my synagogue), and I change my mind again. There’s something so peaceful and kind about the intentions behind Christmas: the generosity of reaching out to strangers who need help; families returning to each other; angels bringing miracles to people who need them.
“Dear Santa, can I have more chicken?”
I’ve been watching all of the Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel again this year, because they soften the edges of a harsh world for a little while, with all of that love and magic and inevitable good fortune. But they also force me to see all of the holes in my life, where things and people are missing. I see a cozy family in front of the fire, or a bright shining star in the sky, and I think of my Butterfly, and how she embodied all of the sweetness and light the world could offer, and I miss her terribly. And I miss the good fortune that all of these two dimensional heroes and heroines on TV are experiencing, getting everything they’ve ever dreamed of. And it hurts.
My Butterfly
And then it changes again, and I feel hopeful that some of that magic is still out there for me, and it will find me, no matter what my religion or culture or skin color or gender, when I’m ready. I’d really like to believe in that.
rachelmankowitz 
I enjoyed your post Rachel. I was bought up Catholic-though in the Southern Hemisphere at this time of year. I think Christmas like happiness brings impossible expectations and you can only experience the true spirit of generosity, compassion and inclusion but fleetingly because were human.have a wonderful holiday
Thank you! You too!
I miss Butterfly stories and new photos, so know that your readers have compassion for you. Christmas is a mixed emotion time for Christians, too. Such a contrast between the dream and the reality, especially in this poisonous political environment. So many calling themselves Christian and doing nothing for “the least of these.” I’m glad you keep writing in such an honest way.
Thank you! I miss Butterfly stories too.
This can be a difficult time of year for many people. For me, the solstice is the most meaningful part of the season. I enjoy the holiday lights and the knowledge that the days will be longer.
I wish you peaceful holidays…
Thank you! To you too!
Rachel like most things the Christmas dream as portrayed often does not match reality. About the only movies I watch any more are A Christmas Story and the old black and white 1951 A Christmas Carol with Alistair Sim as Scrooge. While they both have happy endings they don’t avoid reality. It’s the end of another year and we naturally think of those no longer with us. All the decorations and salutations can’t change that. So I just try to be grateful for the general good cheer and not get too carried away by anything. It’s alesson I learned from a Jewish friend from university, who once told me he far preferred a well-intentioned if erroneously directed “Merry Christmas” to the rude and nasty remarks he usually got from strangers the rest of the year
Totally agree with your friend from University!
First I ever heard of the matzoh and blood. I agree with Cricket, no horns. You have magic, Rachel. One need only read any of your posts. Christmas is not only embodied in movies, but miracles.
Thank you so much!
You may or may not want to know more about the matzah/blood thing, but if you do the term to search is “blood libel.” I agree, Rachel could not possibly have horns!
The magic is out there for you Rachel…when you’re ready. Until then, happy holidays x
Thank you so much!
wishing you & cricket
relaxed joyful
holiday time 🙂
Thank you! And you too!
Beautiful! So very Beautiful, Thanks for sharing so much joy..
Thank you so much!
The magic is there, Rachel, but it’s power stems from giving to others, especially those in need. There is room enough for all of our holiday traditions, but the magic, and meaning, will always flow from a giving heart. Happy Holidays to you, your mom and Cricket!
Thank you! Happy holidays!
Hope you and Cricket enjoy the holiday season!
Thank you! You too!
Yes, you and I ‘can’ be giving, kind, loving, and non-judgemental whether atheist, Jew or Gentile. Everybody has their own personal take on the significance of this season – if you don’t have the faith, you don’t understand that Chanukkah was a miracle, not an efficient lamp. Or “Christmas” was that the Creator of everything – prophesied hundreds of years before the event – came into flesh and blood to rescue us -from us. Otherwise it is, for most, just a “pause button” in the all the chaos that humans get into. And I love watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” as often as “Die Hard” , but that’s a different sort of tradition….
Jimmy Stewart is a favorite any time of year!
Such a wonderful read Rachel. I can totally relate to what you are saying. I am not Christian but I did grow up in Canada and Christmas was all around and we celebrated. And we still celebrate. My husband is Catholic turned agnostic but how can I not let my children in on the joys of Christmas. At the very heart, there is much to gain from it…. the ideas of sharing and giving and helping those in need, celebrating with family and friends and above all love and compassion. The older two (the youngest is not old enough to understand and is happily waiting for Santa) are quite aware of the the teachings of different religions, they are aware that we are not a practicing family, they know to respect the beliefs of others… for me, this is enough. Happy holidays dear one and may 2018 bring you everything that your heart desires.
Thank you so much! I hope the magic lasts, even if the Santa dream fades.
I don’t think it matters what faith you have I can still wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and hope that your day and indeed your forthcoming year are wonderful.
Thank you! Happy holidays to you too!
I look forward to your post in which you tell us about the magic you see. I know that post will come.
I hope so. Thank you!
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I am pagan but I always wish people to have a “happy new year” as I believe after a lot of introspection over the years that happiness is one of the hardest elements of life to achieve and maintain. Thank you for your weekly posts Rachel. A big hug to you.
Thank you and happy New Year!
Really enjoy your posts. Great photos. Here in Latvia the tradition is to open presents on Christmas Eve. Then we have Christmas Day to look forward to and a second Christmas Day on Dec 26. Merry Christmas to you and yours and of course darling Cricket. Hope you have a bright and happy 2018!
Thank you so much! Happy holidays!
You may know that my great friend Wolf, who died earlier this year, was Jewish. He always joined in Christmas celebrations with friends and family without feeling compromised in his faith. On the other hand, I am sure you know that many Christians do not believe or understand what is being celebrated – just a time for exchanging presents, even if they are alone and missing someone. Thank you for naming your ambivalence.
Thank you! And I’m sorry for your loss.
Love the photos in this post, especially the first one.
Thank you! Cricket loved posing for it!
Like Angela, the only Christmas film I ever watch is the original Alistair Sim version of Scrooge.
I always thought that people of other religions got a bonus, in western society. They get to celebrate all the other festivals, as well as their own, and benefit from days off, and the general feelings of goodwill.
I am not at all religious, yet I have found, and lost, that magic you speak of. Then I found it again, in later life, and I have no doubt it will appear in your life one day.
Best wishes, Pete.
Thank you! Best wishes to you too!
The magic is always still out there.
I hope so!
Hi Rachel, I haven’t been on any blogs for a while and really enjoyed your sensitive and balanced piece of writing. If Christmas was a bird’s nest, it would belong to a magpie and be brimful of the bright and shiny things it had “borrowed” from every culture on earth.
I share your sense of sorrow over the loss of your dog. The passing of my best beloved dog in March has also left a sombre hue over much of the year.
Anyway, the winter solstice is past, the darkest day is gone and we can celebrate the gradual return of the light.
That sounds wonderful!
I deliberately picked a Chinese restaurant on Thursday to get away from Christmas music – no such luck. Then after all the knaff festive CDs had been exhausted they wheeled out a lady singer in a santa dress.
Lovely photos you have 🙂
Ha! Thank you!
Holidays are hard on a grieving heart even when they aren’t our holidays. Thank you for sharing your world with us.
Please tell Cricket that I love whipped Cream too.
Thank you!
My husband and I have been having a real hard time with Christmas, especially the last few years. We were both raised Roman Catholic but are “no labels” now when it comes to religion. Christmas, Yule etc. with it’s the over-the-top commercialism and cheapening of what these holidays are supposed to be about doesn’t help. I don’t mean the Christian aspect as all holidays belong to the pagans: http://www.history.com/topics/christmas/history-of-christmas. I’m talking about the emphasis on the intangible elements of spirit, love, peace, kindness, connecting with nature and family. We are having difficulty redefining what this holiday is because we try to change it for ourselves but everyone around us still wants to do the traditional things like buy gifts etc. Anyhew…we feel yah Rachel. I love every picture of your Cricket playing in the snow and of course dear Butterfly. May be she and our cat May who passed a couple of weeks ago are celebrating together? 🙂 The last lines of your post – me too girl, me too.
I hope that May and Butterfly are dancing in joy, wherever they are. Thank you!
I grew up in a family for whom Christmas was a big thing. My parents were church-going Catholics, and on Christmas Eve, they would go to a mid-night mass service and all of that was important to them. It was also an opportunity to break bread with family and friends. I drifted away from the church at a young age, but it seems to me that any opportunity we have to gather family and friends, share good food and be good to one another makes a lot of sense. So today, that’s what Christmas is all about to me. I try to make some of the traditional Polish food my mom would make when I was growing up. It’s food we don’t have during the rest of the year and to me it celebrates her and my heritage as much as anything else. It’s food that is very work-intensive and to me that celebrates love and caring. I’m not big on the gift-giving Christmas tradition and the retail Christmas assault makes my head hurt. I don’t go to church. If the celebration became a solstice celebration instead of Christmas, I’d be OK with that too. I’d find some reason to celebrate.
Traditional foods are one of the best ways to remember and celebrate!
I’m with you on converting the whole thing to a solstice celebration instead of Christmas, and holding onto fellowship instead of shopping. I’m glad that you have traditions to hold onto that are meaningful for you!
It will seem strange without Butterfly, but she is with you in spirit Rachel, of that I’m certain. Happy Holidays, and may 2018 bring you warmth and happiness.
Thank you!
Any one that slurs you really isn’t Christian. You can embrace the message part about Christmas-peace and good will.
Thank you!
I was raised a Christian and we celebrated Christmas every year. I wish it had been like the Hallmark movies, but it wasn’t even close. I think everyone longs for a Hallmark experience, but it’s all just fiction. However, I’m glad to hear that the spirit of generosity and kindness can still be found among the commercialization of the holiday.
It’s in there, you just have to block out the other stuff.
If only Christmas could be more like you’ve described it. But for many, and as a Christian I have been there many time especially when my children were young, Christmas is about “being ready” I.e., have alll the presents be purchased, or about “me”, I.e., here is my present wish list, etc. admittedly I spoiled my children at Christmas when they were young. Sure we went to church and gave our thanks but sadly Christmas was never very much about Jesus and Catholicism as much as it was about the presents. I have no regrets, my children grew up to be fine adults, but I’m not sure I did a very good job of instilling the Christmas values you’ve eloquently described. Thanks for a though provoking post. Blessings…..
Thank you! I’ve seen so many people get caught up in the stress of making things perfect and spending all of the money, and that doesn’t look like fun to me. Watching Cricket run through the snow, or listening to the music, or eating way too many sugar cookies, those are the fun parts.
The holidays are hard. Not having a TV helps me, I think =) Best wishes to you and yours!
Best wishes!
They think that whole horns idea about Mormons too, dear. Idiots the whole lot of them. You said in the last paragraph “I feel hopeful that some of that magic is still out there for me, and it will find me, no matter what my religion or culture or skin color or gender, when I’m ready.” The thing about the magic is that we each carry it with us in our hearts. All year. If we can remember to access it that is. It’s not about religion or commercialism, although those two things can take center stage certainly. It’s about the MESSAGE…to be kinder, to love more, to risk more and to live a good gentle life. You do that. You’re already there.
Thank you very much!
If ever there was a festival to bring mixed emotions all over the place, it’s Christmas. I think it just may bring more pain and joy in hopelessly confused and conflicting ways than any other season, and you’ve written really brilliantly about it. And Christians feel just as conflicted about it as non-Christians! But has it occurred to you that those angels singing ‘peace on earth, goodwill to all men’ meant (and that it means) just that? Could be that Christmas is actually the most inclusive thing ever, and that it’s for everyone, whoever, whatever. At any rate, that’s what it means to me. (Speaking as a Christian!)
That’s a really lovely idea! Thank you!
Wonderfully expressed.
Thank you!
Happy Holidays from one of your Buddhist readers.
Happy holidays!
The sermon at church today spoke about how the angel Gabriel, who came to proclaim Mary blessed among women and tell her of the upcoming virgin birth, appeared in the book of Daniel – twice. Gabriel scared the cr*p out of Daniel. But little teenage Mary took it all in stride and showed no fear. Us women rock!
Ha! Yes we do!
Wishing you and yours a pawsome howliday, however you celebrate it.
Thank you! Happy holidays!
Anymore, Christmas isn’t the Christian holiday it used to be. I say take all the fun and family and holiday spirit in you can. Make it a great holiday regardless
Thank you!
The magic of Christmas is there for everyone to embrace. It is powerful and nondenominational.
I am not celebrating Christmas this year. The only thing I did was send out Christmas cards. Instead I am packing. I am packing up all the stuff I have and have collected the 9 years I have been living here. It is not a bad Christmas for me because my wonderful son closed on a duplex this week so he and I can be neighbors. To me that could not be a better Christmas than knowing my son loves me and wants to be my neighbor. Last Saturday I was in the hosiptal for Pancreatitis. I spent about 4 days recovering and living on a liquid diet. So I am behind on my packing. Turns out my Gall Bladder is bad and has to come out. I am waiting until after the move to have the surgery. I can’t eat dairy, or anything with fat so talk about a lifestyle change! Yet here I sit feeling like one of the luckiest person in the world because my son loves me and wants to be part of my life. I just love your pictures .
Wow! I’m sorry for all of the difficulties, but it looks there’s a lot more good stuff ahead!
The difficulties makes the good stuff even nicer!
Rachel, you have been such a gift to me. You were the first person to believe in me enough to give me a chance and follow me. I’ll never be able to tell you just how much that means to me. I lost my mother at this time of year. That loss will always be a part of this season for me. You are very very dear and I’m so grateful for your sharing. All my best wishes to you and your mom and Cricket of course. 😊❤️ suzanne
Thank you so much! I’m sorry for your loss, but it sounds like there is a lot of sweetness in those bittersweet memories.
Very much so, thank you! 😊❤️
Dear Rachel, God loves us, no matter what religion we are. Or race. Or color. I’m missing my Mom, especially during this season. She would have loved Butterfly! I wonder if they see each other now? Mom would be holding her and cuddling her. That’s a comforting thought!
That is a wonderful thought! Butterfly would love the cuddles!
Your words and story are heart-felt, and the season indeed is opening our hearts, reaching across divides and different cultures…
Thank you!
Butterfly lives on in our best memories.. as you know..
Thank you!
Happy holidays to you and yours! My favorite Xmas show this year was Animal Planet’s Too Cute Yule Log…puppies and kittens romping around while holiday music plays!
Ooooh I didn’t see that one! Happy holidays!
I’m not Christian either, but I do love the idea of Christmas. In fact, I love celebrating all festivals (and we have a LOT of them). Festivals for me, are a good reason to celebrate everything you love. I put up lights on Diwali, throw colors on Holi and put up a Christmas tree on Christmas. I do wish the world knew more about Hanukkah. It might not be very popular with the people, but it’s beautiful.
This is why I loved the episode in Friends where Ross becomes the Holiday Armadillo to teach Ben about Hanukkah 🙂
Happy holidays, Rachel!
Now I have to go find that episode! Happy holidays!
Absolutely wonderful! Frankly, it is all about love–one human being loving another regardless of the tags we put on ourselves. BTW I miss Butterfly as well.
Thank you!
So many wonderful comments from your other readers, Rachel. I agree with 99% of them. You hold the beauty of a season that is important in many traditions, in your heart. God bless you.
I miss the Butterfly stories too.
Thank you!
Happy holidays!
Thank you! And to you!
Underneath our own particular beliefs, I think we all share that search for light in the darkness…and maybe we can illuminate our little spheres of influence at this dark time of year.
And I love the “What?” photo with the stick!
Thank you! Cricket loves it too!
I’m always surprised when I remember that the original Christians were Jews, and that there were many of them who didn’t want any Gentiles to join! Once religious politics takes over, you can say goodbye to the original message.