Ellie isn’t doing well. We had hoped that after her urinary tract infection cleared up, and her heart medications were adjusted, she would get some of her energy back, and it seemed to be working for a few days. But then, after eating her breakfast and taking her medications one morning, she threw it all up. We didn’t worry too much, until the same thing happened again later in the day. We called the vet’s office, too late to bring Ellie in, and the substitute vet told us that if Ellie kept vomiting we should take her to an emergency clinic, but don’t spend too much money, the vet said, because Ellie doesn’t have much time left. She left us some anti-nausea medication at the front desk (a liquid, because Ellie was still resisting her pills) and by the next day the vomiting had stopped.
But Ellie was still refusing any food soft enough for us to hide her medications, so we had to crush her meds into chicken broth and use the medicine dropper (from the anti-nausea medication) to get them into her mouth, or at least near her mouth. After she’d had her medication she was willing to eat some chicken treats and a Greenie, but when we took her outside for a walk she just sat on the grass catching her breath, looking frightened. I had to carry her back inside and then she just stretched out on the floor for hours. I don’t know when it started, but by the next morning we noticed that her belly was bigger than usual, despite her recent weight loss and limited diet.
So we called the vet again. Our regular vet seems to have cut down on his hours, so we had to see the substitute vet again, even though I didn’t like what she’d said about spending money on Ellie. Why tell us to take her to an emergency vet clinic, notorious for overcharging for every pill, and then tell us not to spend too much money? But we were really worried about Ellie, so we went in and sat in the waiting room for an hour until the substitute vet could see us. As soon as we went into the examination room, the vet used a needle to check if Ellie’s abdomen was filled with fluid, and found nothing. She was so sure that fluid retention had to be the cause of the distention, but another needle stick came up empty too. She told us that it could still be fluid but she just wasn’t finding the right spot, or it could be something else, and she’d have to do an x-ray to see the cause of the swelling. But, really, you shouldn’t spend too much money on diagnostics given how little time she has left, she said, contradicting her own advice, again. I tried not to scream at her, because it wouldn’t have changed anything, so I just asked what she would be looking for on the x-ray and if she could just treat the possible outcomes either way. She gave Ellie a shot of the diuretic she takes in pill form every day, and suggested Gas-x in case the swelling was caused by excess air in her belly. She also recommended an appetite stimulant, which finally sounded like a good idea, and the vet tech demonstrated how to get the pills down Ellie’s throat in a way that they would actually stay down. The vet tech also gave us a week’s worth of Gas-x, to go with the liquid version of the appetite stimulant, and we paid for the meds and went on our way.
Mom sat with Ellie in the backseat of the car while I drove, all of us shell-shocked by the message the vet couldn’t stop repeating, that Ellie was going to die very soon. When we got home, Mom went to take a nap but I sat on the couch, staring blankly at the TV, holding Ellie in my lap (at least until she pulled away and stretched out on her own, she’s not a big cuddler).
Within a few hours the appetite stimulant had kicked in and Ellie was able to take all of her medications with pieces of chicken, and she even ate a full portion of her wet dog food, which she hadn’t been willing to eat in weeks.
The next morning, though, even with a new dose of the appetite stimulant, Ellie wasn’t very eager to eat and only swallowed a few of her pills with her chicken. I had to give her the last two pills the way the vet tech had demonstrated (shoving them down her throat, closing her mouth and massaging her throat. The vet tech also blew into Ellie’s nose, but I skipped that part). Finally, by dinner time, Ellie was ready to eat again and we were able to give her all of her medications, though she turned her nose up at the wet dog food all over again. Her belly was still distended, despite the diuretic and the Gas-x, but she was able to walk down the stairs and outside for a short walk.
I have no idea what our time line is. Ellie hasn’t been coughing for weeks now, which was the original symptom leading to the diagnosis of heart failure. Instead, her breathing is labored, and even a short walk wears her out for hours.
It has only been a little more than a month since Cricket’s death, so this all just seems too soon. The other day, Mom and I went to the beach to find stones to put on Cricket’s grave marker. We are planning to scatter her ashes around the bases of the paw paw trees, and leave a few stones to mark her presence there. Cricket loved going to the beach. She loved the way the wind blew through her hair and the smell of the seagull poop and the feel of the sand in her paws, as long as she didn’t have to go into the water, so I did my best to channel Cricket as I searched for stones: bumpy pink ones and flat grey ones and smooth white ones, and one red stone shaped like a heart. I filled a bag with them all so that we will have enough to choose from when we are ready to let Cricket go, which isn’t yet.
It feels like I can’t finish grieving for Cricket while I’m worrying so much about Ellie. For now, our priority is helping Ellie to feel as comfortable as possible, by making sure she can take all of her medications, and finding the foods she loves the most on any given day. And, when Ellie is up to it, we take her outside so she can sit on the grass, or sit with her grandma on the Birthday Bench, and listen to all of the sounds of the world swirling around her. She really seems to like taking a time out just to listen to the birds and the honking cars and the planes flying overhead. She’s still curious, and capable of joy, even if there are fewer of those moments than there used to be.
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Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
It sure is a lot – I’m sorry to hear Ellie isn’t doing well.
Thank you!
I’m sorry about Ellie’s illness and suffering. I wonder if some of it has to do with her grief over Cricket’s passing. Hopefully things will improve for Ellie.
Thank you!
I’m sorry for all of her suffering
Thank you!
Rachel–I am so sorry. Tune out that substitute vet. Your energies are better spent on taking care of Ellie.
Thank you!
Oh, I’m so sorry, Rachel! You’re all in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you!
Thinking of you and Ellie. It is an horrific time of stress. Have a pet and inevitably go through it – as you well know. All the best. Bruce
Thank you!
It seems much too soon for Ellie after Cricket’s death. I hope her health improves and you get relief from the heartache.
Me too. Thank you!
Your photo titled “My Ellie” is a superb portrait of a beautiful loving girl! I am sad to hear of Ellie’s continued symptoms, and I feel her pain – literally. I recently spent 19 days in the hospital due to congestive heart failure and am familiar with the treatment meds and routines. The IV diuretics eliminated 40 pounds of excess water weight for me. I also had fluid in my right lung – does Ellie? The shortness of breath doesn’t feel good – but it wasn’t physically “painful” for me – and no wonder Ellie doesn’t have much energy. These days extra the caffeine from an extra cup of morning coffee is a big help, but I am still sleeping 16 hours a day. Fortunately there is no pain. It looks like you are getting excellent care for Ellie and I hope you and your mother can hang in there with Ellie and continue to love on her with all your big hearts! It is so much for you to bear so soon after sweet Cricket and words fail me. Take care and be gentle to yourself knowing you are doing the best. Much love.
Thank you so much! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Ellie doesn’t seem to have fluid in her lungs yet, but the swelling of her abdomen keeps growing, so it’s hard for her to find a comfortable position. She really enjoyed her dinner tonight, though, and took all of her pills easily, which was a big relief.
Thanks for your empathy and fantastic that Ellie ate so well tonight. And sorry she can’t get comfy
Is she constipated? That would contribute to the swelling and also perhaps make her appetite off. I was about to suggest trying Gerber baby food – meat flavor, not veggies, from the jar. I used to dip my finger in it and let my own dog lick it off my finger when nothing else tempted her. As far a my condition, I’m doing Palliative Care because my left ventricle is toast. I’m at peace and mostly comfortable. Keep on keeping on for Ellie and keep us all posted.
We’re thinking of you and sending love!
Thank you very much, you say the kindest things and I value them.
❤️
Unlike. My heart breaks for you Rachel and the the ongoing health concerns for your fur babies. That is rough water to tread in. 😔💔🐶
Thank you. It really is hard.
I would like to send you a card for the holidays if you’ll accept. Can you email me your snailmail..if not no biggie mattsnyder1970@gmail.com
I am so sorry about the loss of cricket and I am so sorry about Ellie, I hope she will feel better soon. You never know how much more time they have so the substiture veterinarian should be careful with what she says.
Thank you!
I’m so sorry to hear this! Praying for sweet Ellie!
Thank you!
😪🙏🏼
Sorry to hear Ellie is so unwell sending supportive thoughts. You’re doing your best for her.
Thank you!
I’m so sorry to hear about Ellie, especially so soon after Cricket. My heart is with you. 💛
Thank you!
It’s too soon, Ellie, for you to go find Cricket and Butterfly. Your mommy and grandma will always miss them, and you are helping them so much in their grief. More than you may know. Please try to stay a while longer.
😭❤️
🙏❤️
It’s so hard going through this. And I’m so sorry about Cricket.
Thank you!
Hope she is well soon
Thank you!
😭. I wish I had words to make this less painful. I hope that soon, new puppy joy enters your life.
Thank you!
So sorry! It’s so hard!
Thank you!
Hard to watch for sure. Sending hugs Rachel. Allan
Thank you!
I feel so bad for you, Rachel. Wish there was something I could do but that’s just how life goes. It’s very hard to go through this phase of our precious dogs’ lives. My thoughts are with you.
Thank you!
So SAD ~! My thoughts are with you and yours, including Ellie. I have been there and know how you feel, especially if you have dumb statements from a vet who does not really know you or your dog. They killed one of mine by over-sedating her just to clean her teeth~! SAM
Oh no! I’m so sorry!
I can see and feel Ellie just taking the time to sit. When I knew that my “Shoes”, gone a number of years now, was at his last I took him outside for the first time in his house cat’s life and we reveled in such together. Like that birthday bench he found himself at peace as the two of us would just take the world in in walks. My greatest regret being that I hadn’t thought about such a thing earlier. Though she may not feel up to it keep trying to get her out there and not just for the usual walks but for a sit, a ponder, some air, some Ellie time. Hang in there you two. Thoughts here.
Thank you!
A sad and anxious time. Ellie is possibly grieving too
It’s possible. Life is so different for all of us without Cricket here to tell us what to do.
In the best of all scenarios, and independent of the lack of empathy in the vet’s response, life continues to follow its natural course.
I think Ellie knows this, and she looks to you to share the same certainty and confirm that you have everything under control. And yes, you do!
According to the natural limitations that the LORD Creator allows us.
Even the LORD Jesus cried when he lost his friend Lazarus!
In exceptional cases, LOVE and poignant FAITH can trigger supernatural levels of survival. You seem to have both virtues.
Continue offering your best!
And, please, keep us informed!
Blessings!!
Thank you!
Thank you for the update. I’m sorry she’s not doing better. I hope you will have more time. Lot’s of prayer’s and love coming from here. x
Thank you!
Based on my long time as an EMT, it does sound like the classic symptoms of Heart Failure. However, humans can live a long time in technical heart failure, as long as they regularly take the correct medication. So, stay positive for now, we are all rooting for her.
Best wishes, Pete.
Thank you so much!
I’m so sorry. I am keeping her in my prayers. God bless you both.
Thank you!!!
All too often, I have heard people say, “God doesn’t give you any more than He knows you can handle “. They would say this to someone who was going through as much as you are going through. At times, I have heard myself whispering inside my head, saying, “God, are you really sure?” You are you were going through a lot with your fur babies and it doesn’t seem fair that Cricket’s health issues and now Ellie’s health issues should be one right after the other. I hate to see you going through all of this, but a part of me steps outside of that circle and sees that you are so much stronger than you’ve told us you are. I hope Ellie will rally, and if not, I hope the rest of her time with you will create wonderful memories.
Thank you so much!
I am so sorry heart breaking to read. You are doing all you can for Ellie with such Love. Enjoy your precious time with her. Many blessed wishes to you. Thinking of you at this time .
Sheila
Thank you!!!
Ellie looks so sad. Hope she’s comfortable.
We’re trying. But she’s definitely sad.
Your love for Ellie , and for cricket is a beautiful thing to read. I appreciate your comment about the ashes and the stones. My soul dog’s , Cicero, ashes are sitting in a box in our home near the mountains. I wanted to spread Cicero‘s ashes, but have not been able to do it. It’s been 10 years I know that sounds nuts. But I really like your idea about putting stones where I put the ashes so that I at least have a place that I know of. Right now I have a stone sitting on the beautiful box.
Sending wishes for more wags, more chicken, and more days outside for Ellie
Thank you!
So sad to hear about Elie….It just doesn’t seem fair that this has happened. Take Care and find strength somewhere.
Thank you!
Precious Ellie. When Lexi was nearing the end, I also had the appetite stimulant to give her. I forgot to quarter it, though, and gave her a whole one. She became ravenous and couldn’t get enough to eat! (I felt very bad about it, but I know that med works!) May you and Ellie find peace together in the days that come.
It’s been such a relief to see her enjoying food again!
Ellie is such a sweetie! I’m sorry to hear she’s not feeling well. I, too, am taking care of my CKD dog, and I recognize similar frustrations you’re having with your vets — I about lost my mind yesterday trying to get a vet to contact me (one finally did, thank heavens). Hang in there, Rachel. These pups, they do have our hearts, don’t they? And I believe (know) they feel our love and return it more than in-kind, in abundance. And the strange thing is, these pups can be very resilient, surprising us and, especially, vets (who should know better). My prayers for Ellie and you and your mom. Sending positive healing vibes your way. 🐶 P.S.: Though Cricket is gone, she has never left you and your mom, or Ellie.
Thank you!!!
Sending you lots and lots of hugs and healing thoughts.
Thank you!!!
I’m so sorry to hear about Ellie, especially so soon after Cricket. My heart is with you. She knows you love her and that goes a long way. What a horrible vet! So lacking in empathy. I would steer clear if you can.
Thank you!
Sorry to hear this.Always sad when beloved pet ails. Important thing ,easy for anyone to overlook ,is the pet’s quality of life. Having it stick around, in pain because you don’t want to let it go unfair to it (but very easy mistake to make) my general rule thumb is if a treatment or procedure is not goingb to get a pet back to their normal life but merely keep them around, it’s not right.
Thank you!
The loss of Cricket could be part of Ellie’s illness.
I wondered about that, too.
It definitely could.
That was a senseless thing to say to you. That might be helpful from one’s own doctor so you could make preparations, settle accounts, but…! Hugs and best wishes for Ellie. Regardless of that really insensitive remark, I hope Ellie is able to become comfortable again and be better. Hugs for you, though. I never met Cricket except through your posts and I still tear up reading that name. I know, then, just how much harder Cricket’s passing has to be for you. Heck! More hugs for you, Rachael.
Thank you!
So very sad when one loses a pet. Sorry for your loss.
Thank you!
Have a good week. ox
Some people have a knack for saying the wrong thing at the worst time. (I’m generally that person when it comes to difficult situations.)
I hope that’s all it was and not a vet that speaks that bluntly to patient caregivers.
My thoughts are with you, Ellie, and grandma. I’m so happy they got to spend some quality time on the birthday bench.
Take care & I hope you find peace.
Gina
Thank you!
Poor Ellie. Your vet was very inconsiderate and IMO unprofessional to say what she did. There are ways of preparing owners, and this was not it. Enjoy whatever time you have left with Ellie, love her to pieces, make her comfortable and most of all, happy. Thinking of you all ❤
Thank you!
Sorry to hear. Prayers for Ellie, and you.
Thank you!
It is so hard when our pets are not well. I don’t much care for the subsitute vets attitude toward you or your pup.I hope Ellie will feel better soon,
Thank you!
I’m sorry you’ve been getting such bad news for Ellie. I hope your efforts give her a little more time to enjoy her time with you.
Thank you!
I’m sorry for Cricket’s loss and that Ellie is very sick. The losses of our fur babies is very hard. 😦
Thank you!
Dogs have their own language of grief, too. But sometimes we struggle to understand it, especially when we are in the grips of grief ourselves.
I’m so sorry for you all.
Thank you!
I’m so sorry, Rachel! You have so much to deal with right now…..
Thank you!
This is so sad. I’m so sorry that Ellie is not feeling well. Yeah tune out the negative statement by that vet and just focus on helping Ellie. I hope things make a change for the better.
Thank you!