My ideal next dog would be a Maltipoo (Maltese/Poodle mix), ten pounds or less (small enough for Mom to be able to pick him or her up), non-shedding and hypoallergenic (as much as possible), and healthy enough so that I would have him or her for a long time (because having less than five years each with Butterfly and Ellie was heartbreaking). Ideally the next dog would also be a rescue, but I may have to accept that the ideal dog for me will have to come from a home breeder again, like Cricket did, rather than a rescue organization.
My biggest anxiety, dog-wise, is the cost; because I’m not sure I can really afford a dog long term, and all of the vet care and grooming costs involved, on top of the adoption/rescue fees. I still have a lot of medical debt to pay off, and I’m afraid it’s selfish to risk getting another dog without knowing for sure where the money to take care of them is going to come from. And yet, I really need a dog, or two, to make life worth living.
Back when we got Cricket, sixteen and a half years ago, we were still recovering from the death of our Lab/mix, Dina, who had died half a year earlier, at sixteen years and two months old, after a long but difficult life. She’d had false pregnancies for years, and for the first eight years, while we still lived in my father’s house, he refused to let us get her spayed to relieve her suffering. Either as a result of that, or just along with that, Dina had a lot of fears: separation anxiety that made it very hard for me to leave her home alone; fear of children and other moving objects; and fear of bridges and water and all kinds of sounds and smells. I learned an enormous amount from Dina about how to care for my own limitations with more creativity and compassion, because she couldn’t just “get over it” the way people always insisted I should be able to do, but by the end I was exhausted, and I just wanted an easy dog, a small dog, a happy and healthy dog.
I researched breeds and temperaments and sizes and on and on and decided on a Cockapoo, and we found a home breeder in New Jersey that we liked and went to see the puppies in person, and Cricket chose us. She turned out to be cheaper than we’d expected because she had an underbite, which, the breeder told us, meant that Cricket couldn’t be a show dog. Fine with me.
Except, I discovered quickly that I am a terrible groomer. I spent two years trying to teach myself how to manage her and her hair, but in the meantime, and then forever after, she needed regular professional grooming, an expense I’d never thought of before. And when Cricket was a year old she started to limp, and we discovered that she needed knee surgery, first on one knee and a year later on the other one.
But most importantly, Cricket, who was supposed to be our easy dog, ended up having all kinds of behavioral problems, most likely as a result of neurological problems caused by being the runt of her litter. She spent sixteen years teaching me how to love someone who is difficult, someone who is capable of biting the ones she loves over and over again, and someone who needs to be protected from her own impulses most of the time. She taught me that not all of the people who need your help will inspire your sympathy, or even be grateful for your help. And she reminded me that being smart (and Cricket was very very smart) does not protect you from struggling with even the smallest challenges in life. She also taught me that it is possible to be so cute that even the people who know you best will keep forgetting what a jerk you are.
Maybe the most important lesson I’ve learned from all of the dogs I’ve had is that no matter what you think you are getting when you adopt a dog, each dog who comes into your life will teach you something you didn’t expect. You will be challenged and you will grow, whether you like it or not.
Butterfly, an eight-year-old breeding momma rescued from a puppy mill, taught me a kind of love I didn’t know I could feel. Even from the first time I saw her, dirty from the newspapers lining her cage in the shelter, and missing teeth, I refused to let her go, even though we’d gone to the shelter that day on a whim, with no intention of bringing a dog home right away. I learned from Butterfly that I can take care of someone else, very well, and with an enormous amount of patience, when necessary. And I credit Cricket, who was six years old by the time we adopted Butterfly, with making it possible for me to believe that I might be able to manage the challenges Butterfly presented, healthwise.
Then, Ellie came to us by luck, when Cricket’s groomer called us to say that she’d rescued a dog she couldn’t keep, because her previous rescue and the new one were not getting along. Ellie was four or five years old and had just been spayed, after spending years as a breeding momma at a home-ish breeder. I didn’t have the immediate “love at first sight” reaction to Ellie that I’d had with the other dogs, maybe because I didn’t choose her myself, but Ellie taught me that love can grow and become just as deep and strong, even without that coup de foudre at the beginning. I’m still too close to the loss of Ellie to take a full accounting of all of the things she taught me, but the realization that my heart can stretch and stretch, to sizes I could never have imagined ahead of time, is one of her gifts to me. And I also learned, in losing her, that a stretched out heart needs a lot of time to heal.
I have no idea what I will learn from my next dog, or how he or she will challenge me. I guess, first, I will need to learn how to feel like I deserve the next dog at all, and to believe that I will be able to live up to the challenges that come along with all of the love and joy and comfort. I hope that this part of the work doesn’t take too long, because life is pretty lonely without a dog.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my Young Adult novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
There is a river of love flowing through you. In each blog post there is deep caring. I hope you’ll find the perfect dog when the time is right.
Thank you so much!
I’m sure you’ll soon fall in love with another canine soul.
I hope so!
I have cats, but I know what you mean. Our little furry ones teach us so very much. That love will happen again, Rachel. Probably when you least expect it. ❤
I hope so!
I will look forward to pics in new posts of a double need satisfied, you them, them you. Cheers my friend.
Thank you!
Such a warmly written accounting of the dogs you’ve loved and lost. Your next dog is out there looking for you, be open to letting th
Thank you!
Strongly feeling that there is or will be a dog that wants you as much as you want him or her because of the spirit of Dina, Butterfly, Cricket, and Ellie and the moments you’ve shared with them and other animals (including Kevin). Their impact on you and others feels overflowing/goes beyond what’s unexpected and seems like this will help lead you to your next dog. Hopeful for this.
Correcting typo, I meant to say goes beyond what’s expected.
Thank you!!!
A beautiful account of how much we can love dogs, and how much they can teach us. I trust your next dog will come into your life soon.
Jennifer Website and blog: https://www.jenniferbarraclough.com
Thank you!
I love this Rachel I hope something works out for you and the next one lives a fuller more carefree life. ❤️🩹
Me too! Thank you!
Animals touch our hearts in ways sometimes that people do not.
It’s true.
That first one looks like he wants you …but can you aford 10 pounds of food a day ? I got two kitties and the cost is $70 a month ✝️
Good for you to get one again. We have a Shih Poo here, 2 Shih Tzu and 3 other Shih Poo puppies. We have 7 Aspin dogs outside, our guard dogs. My son and daughter-in-law buy chicken breasts and mixed veggies twice a week.
Sounds wonderful!!!!
I couldn’t wait. I needed a pup in my life. I decided to adopt and trust that the money would somehow come.
It’s funny that just a few days before visiting the rescue, I said out loud what I had been secretly wishing for in a new companion. Without being able to see it at the time, Murphy turned out to have nearly all of those qualities.
As much as we like to plan ahead, sometimes you just have to jump. When you do, I think you will be very happy. ❤️💕
I’m loving reading about Murphy’s adventures from afar!
I never imagined that there might be someone as nice and as healing as Murphy out there. Right now your little angel is crying out to heaven for someone to love her and a safe place to live just like you need someone to take care of and to heal your heart. Both of your prayers will be answered! ❤️😊
I loved Cricket and Ellie.
Thank you!
loved your beautiful story of dogs loved so much and the pain of loss. And the lessons learned from each unique doggy personality. I look forward to reading and seeing witty photos captions about your next dog that you find and who finds you! ❤️
Thank you!
Cute story, cute pups
Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPhone
Thank you!
Rachel, I hope you find the dog which is right for you and your future circumstances.
Thank you!
So true – all of it…
Two beautiful souls have left us over the past five years; the most recent just before Christmas. Both canine friends taught us so much. (I needn’t go into details – your words have said it all.)
Whilst walking our remaining survivor, a seven years old Papillion girl so sweetly natured; we met a cavoodle (cavapoo), a handsome little chap of eleven months. It was instant love on my part, and Pebble was certainly interested in his charms too. (Does she want a ‘toy-boy’? Time will tell.) 😉 😉
I wish you all the best. I can only agree with you wholeheartedly. Our furry friends bring so much to our table…
They really do!
I hope there’s a wonderful perfect pup just around the corner waiting for you. It’s hard when you’ve just had your heart broken 💔💔 twice. I’ve been there too.
Thank you!!!!
When the time comes you will know
I hope so!
Great to see you seriously considering the Vet bills. Over here they are spiralling out of control, and so many people who bought dogs during the pandemic lockdowns are unable to afford the bills as the dogs get older. So we have a huge increase in dogs being handed over to rescues and shelters, as well as dogs being literally abandoned at the roadside.
Best wishes, Pete.
Vet bills went up by a lot since the pandemic, and with two sick dogs we really felt it. I wish I could be someone who could take on any dog, no matter their age or health, but that’s just not the position I’m in.
There’s a dog out there that is just waiting for you. It might not yet be born, but it’s on the horizon. Stay open to the options.
I will try! Thank you!
Be strong. The right dog for you is out there somewhere, and you’ll find each other.
Thank you!
What a wonderful story. You are so right about life being difficult and lonely without a dog. I need one myself. I hope you find one soon, and I know you will be up to any challenges presented.
Thank you!!!!
Some friends rescued a maltipoo during covid, and he is a love. Good choice, but as you say, every dog teaches us something about love.
They really do!
You brought it home how much these dogs teach us, and how we grow with them. I too can remember the challenge that each one brought, with some solutions being more successful than others.I learned both my strengths and weaknesses. I do not have a dog and can’t have one where I live but there are plenty in the neighbourhood and I go for walks for my physical health, as well as to get my “doggie-fix.”
I call it getting my doggy vitamins, and I am currently very low.
It sounds like you are getting ready to fill in the gap that you feel, knowing that the previous dogs will always be in your heart.
I’m getting there!
it sounds to me as though you are ready for your next friend. And yes considering expense is practical. But things were managed before. Just try not to talk yourself out of more lovies.
I will try! Thank you!
Always love reading about the dogs. You must be doing well again. There’s a line in this post I really want to print out and put on my wall somewhere. “Not all of the people who need your help will inspire your sympathy” and the implied, ‘do it anyway.’ What a wonderful lesson for living a good life.
It’s a really difficult lesson to learn and I’ve had to work at it over and over, but Cricket was a fantastic teacher.
It’s nice to read that you are thinking about adopting another dog. You can save a lot of money by finding a dog that doesn’t require hair cuts. Also smaller dogs eat less food so you spend less on food. Younger dogs also need less visits to the vet because they aren’t on old dog medications yet. Your past dogs can never be replaced but……Remember that there is always another dog out there that is waiting for you right now.
Thank you!
I hope you find a special dog. My friend has a lovely Caverpoo – King Charles Cavalier spaniel mother and poodle dad. Far from being suitable for apartments she turned out to be full of poodle energy. My friend has a support team from a professional dog walker to a chap training for marathons who likes a running companion, to keep her well exercised!
I love it!
Rachel, I loved reading the things you learned from each of your very special canine companions. My take away is that they have each prepared you for the next pup and that you have a heart to learn what the next pup has to teach you. My prayer is that just the right dog will arrive at your doorstep.
Thank you!
Although you do t know exactly what you’ll learn from your next dog, you will certainly learn a lot. Dogs are great teachers: wise, caring, patient, and oh so loyal. Good luck Rachel on your journey to finding your next great dog. Or, as many times is the case, they find you.
Thank you!
Dogs are amazing company, and you are right, each one teaches us something. I hope you get a dog soon Rachel, though can well appreciate your financial concerns.
Thank you!
Let your next dog pick you. That’s how we ended up with all 3 of ours. It was a gut feeling. The money for their care will figure itself out
I hope so!
You and I seem to be traveling along the same path, Rachel. I wish you the best in choosing—or being chosen by—a wonderful dog. Either way, the dog will be lucky for life. 🐶
Thank you! All the best to you too!
There is never a “right” time but there is always enough love in your heart to bring a new member of the family into your life. Yes there are costs and expenses unforeseen but you will manage. When you see the “right” pup and the “right” pup sees you … it will be the right time. I know I wasn’t expecting when I lost SadieMiki to ever be ready but then I saw Shanti and she picked me. We hope you find the “right” moment to find that special wet nose to snuggle with.
Thank you!
I hope you soon find the perfect companion. I would love to have a small dog, but I know I can’t afford to take care of one properly (and my daughter’s cat would hate it lol).
Cats are good too!
I hope you find the perfect dog. One of my friends have a golden retriever, they say it’s pretty nice and friendly, but it’s big. Their last one died, they are still sad. I have a turtle, it’s boring but nice to look at.
Goldens are wonderful but way too big for me. And the hair!!!!
Yes, life is lonely without a dog. Strange how this is the case even if you live with another human. Dogs just seem to add an extra dimension to life. I’m so glad you’re thinking of getting another one.
Me too!
Maltipoos are an excellent breed! We have two! We have Delilah, my pupper, who is 5.6 lbs. and Lulu, child #4’s pupper who is 4.8 lbs. Lulu was the “runt” but has blossomed under #4’s amazing love. Delilah thinks she is a big dog and is “death from the ankles down” of anyone she perceives wants to hurt her people! We also have Ducky, who is a Morkipoo (Maltese, Yorkie, and Poodle!) He’s adorable, but so much trouble!
Dogs teach us so many things! Mostly though , I’ve learned about unconditional love from my pups. They don’t care if you’re grumpy, didn’t get enough sleep, or are having a bad hair day! As long as you are ready with scritch scratches and loves (a few treats always helps too!) they will be your faithful friend forever!
Dogs are wonderful!
I wish for you to find the right dog soon. After our fearful dog died of kidney failure, I wanted a carefree dog. A small, wild terrier mix who lived on the streets of Romania sat on my SO’s lap at the sheler and wouldn’t move. What can you do? He’s the funniest and cutest dog imaginable and I love him so much even if I haven’t managed to teach him not to nip at my ankles yet.
Have you considered putting a little sum aside each month for vet expenses? We have pet insurance over here, that could also be helpful, depending on their conditions.
Pet insurance is definitely a good idea!
Have you considered applying for an emotional support dog?
Interesting idea!
I’m sure your house feels very empty. People who don’t love dogs can’t imagine just HOW empty it feels. The unconditional love a dog gives is something we all crave, too. May you make a good choice at the right time for you.
Thank you!!!
Dog-gone it. Love those dogs. After our last passed away I tallied the cost over 11 years of life, including purchase and kennels, as we traveled a lot. 40k. Worth every penny, but I’d have thought twice if I knew in advance. We’re waiting for the next one til we are less traveling.
Makes sense. But dogs are beyond common sense, no?
Thank you!
I contemplate a small next dog with no hair but the big ones are great for my land with so many critters that can come💕
I wish I could have a big dog, but I’d be dragged down the street like a rag doll.
lol.. stick to what you know💓
I have learned so much from each and every one of our pets. They teach us sooooo much. The right dog will arrive for you at the right time!
I hope so!
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Love this post. Thank you, Rachel.
Thank you!
There’s no doubt that you deserve a dog and will take wonderful care of him/her/them, Rachel–assuming you find a way to make it work financially. Wish I had some creative ideas for that aspect of the decision.
Thank you!
I think a new dog will help you to heal, and when the time is right, the dog will choose you. Think of it as the spirit of Cricket or Ellie sending you a new best friend.
Thank you!!!