I recently went to a zoom presentation on Modern Israeli poetry, and both the presentation and the poetry were down to earth and unpretentious and grounded in daily life in a way that made me think, hmm, maybe I am writing real poetry after all, and not just noodling around. I was even more encouraged to find out that, for poetry as opposed to for everything else, Israelis use the vowels under the letters (Nikud in Hebrew) to make sure each word is read correctly, and because it looks cool. The thing is, I grew up learning Hebrew with the vowels intact, and trying to get used to Israeli newspapers and blog posts and books, where there is no Nikud and you have to guess at the pronunciation of new words, has been breaking my brain.
I gave up on writing poetry in English a long time ago, after a lot of rejection, mostly from classmates who thought I was crap at it. But writing poetry in Hebrew seems to bypass a lot of that noise in my head. I’m still self-conscious, of course, and I worry that I’m going to depress people, or that my Hebrew is less real Hebrew than my own invention. But whereas when I try to write poetry in English the words just drip drip like a leaky faucet, in Hebrew they come out with more force, as if they actually have something they want to say.
I’m not sure if these two poems are finished. In fact, I’m pretty sure they’re not, despite many edits, but I wanted to reward myself a little bit for trying to write them at all, so I’m sharing them here. And then sharing links to some actual Israeli poetry, in English Translation.
הכאבים שלי
כּוֹאֶבֶת לִי הַבֶּטֶן.
אוּלַי זֶה נִגְרָם מְהַתרוּפוֹת
נֶגֶד הַחָרָדָה, נֶגֶד הַדִיכָּאוֹן,
נֶגֶד כֹּל הַכְּאֵבִים הַאַחֵרִים,
אוֹ אוּלַי זֶה נִגְרָם מְהַפָּסטָה שְׁאַכַלתִי בַּצַהַרַיִים.
כּוֹאֵב לִי הַגַב
כּאִילוּ מִישׁהוּ בַּעַט בִּי,
אַבַל אַנִי לֹא זוֹכֶרֶת אֶת הַמָכּוֹת,
אוֹ לָמָה מִישֶׁהוּ הָיָה רוֹצֶה לִפגוֹעַ בִּי.
כּוֹאַבוֹת לִי גַם הַכּתֵפַיִים וְהַמוֹתְנַיִים
וְהַבִּרכַּיִים וְהַקַרסוֹלַיִים
כּאִילוּ מִישׁהוּ מְנָסֶה לְפָרֵק אוֹתִי
כּמוֹ עוֹף מְבוּשָׁל.
כּוֹאֶבֶת לִי הָנְשָׁמָה
אַבַל עַל זֶה אֵין לִי מִילִים.
אַנִי מְפַחֶדֶת שְׁאִם כֹּל הַכְּאֵבִים הַיוּ מִתְרַחְשִׁים בְּבַת אַחַת
לֹא הַיִיתִי מְסוּגֶלֶת לִשׂרוֹד.
מָזָל שְׁכֹּל יוֹם יֵשׁ לִי רַק חֵלֶק מִכֹּל הַכְּאֵבִים
וְאַנִי יְכוֹלָה לִקְפּוֹץ מִכּאֵב לְכּאֵב
כְּמוֹ צפַרְדֵעַ שְׁמְדַלֶגֶת עַל פּנֵי הַמַיִם
וְלְעוֹלָם לֹא נוֹפֶלֶת פְּנִימָה.
אוּלַי יוֹם אֶחַד אַנִי אַרגִישׁ אֶת כֹּל הַכְּאֵבִים בְּאוֹתוֹ זמַן,
וְבַּיוֹם הַהוּא,
אַנִי מְקַוָוה,
שְׁאִם הַיִיתִי נוֹפֶלֶת לְתוֹך הַמַיִם
בָּסוֹף, הַיִיתִי מְסוּגֶלֶת לִשְׂחוֹת.
My Pains
My stomach hurts,
maybe from the medications
against anxiety, against depression
against all the other pains,
or maybe from the pasta I ate in the afternoon.
My back hurts,
as if someone kicked me.
But I don’t remember the beating,
or why someone would want to hurt me.
My shoulders and hips and knees and ankles
also hurt,
as if someone is trying to take me apart
like a cooked chicken.
My soul hurts,
but about that I have no words.
I’m afraid that if all of these pains
took place at the same time,
I wouldn’t be able to survive.
Thank God, each day I only feel some of the pain,
and I can jump from pain to pain,
like a frog skipping over the surface of the water,
and never falling in.
Maybe one day I will feel all of the pain
all at once.
And on that day,
I hope,
if I fell into the water,
in the end I would be able to swim.
אני כמו אבן
לִפְעַמִים,
אַנִי מָרגִישָׁה כּמוֹ אֶבֶן כִּי אַנִי לֹא יָכוֹלָה לָצוּף.
נִראָה לִי שְׁהָאַוִויר סבִיבִי מָלֵא
בְּמָחשַׁבוֹת וְכּאֵבִים וְחַרַדוֹת,
שְׁיוֹצְרִים חוֹמָה שׁקוּפָה
מָחזִיקָה אוֹתִי בָּמָקוֹם.
לִפְעַמִים,
אַנִי מָרגִישָׁה כּמוֹ אֶבֶן
שְׁתָמִיד נוֹפֶלֶת עָמוֹק יוֹתֵר
לְתוֹך הָמַיִם הָשׁחוֹרִים.
יוֹם אַחַרֵי יוֹם,
אַנִי מְנָסָה לְהַפסִיק לִיפּוֹל
וְלִמתוֹחַ מֵעֵבֶר לָחוֹמָה הַשׁקוּפָה.
הַעָבוֹדָה הַזֹאת מְתִישָׁה
וְבִּלתִי נִראֵית מִכּוּלָם מִלְבַדִי.
אוּלַי בְּקָרוֹב,
אוֹ בַּסוֹף,
אַנִי אַצלִיחַ בָּעָבוֹדָה הַקָשָׁה שֶׁלִי
וְאִנִי אוּכַל לְהַרגִישׁ יוֹתֵר כְּמוֹ צִיפּוּר
שְׁעוֹמֶדֶת גַבוֹהַה
עִם כְּנָפַיִים פּרוּשׁוֹת
מוּכן לַעוּף.
I am like a Stone
Sometimes,
I feel like a stone because I cannot float.
It seems like the air is full
of thoughts and pain and anxieties
that create a transparent wall around me
that keeps me in place.
Sometimes,
I feel like a stone that is always falling deeper
into the black water.
Day after day,
I try to stop falling,
and to stretch beyond the transparent wall.
This work is exhausting
and invisible to everyone but me.
Maybe soon,
or in the end,
I will succeed in my difficult task,
and I will be able to feel more like a bird
who stands tall
with wings outstretched,
ready to fly.
Some Israeli poetry to try:
Yehuda Amichai – https://allpoetry.com/An-Arab-Shepherd-Is-Searching-For-His-Goat-On-Mount-Zion, https://allpoetry.com/poem/8513161-Jerusalem-by-Yehuda-Amichai, https://allpoetry.com/The-Diameter-Of-The-Bomb
Maya Tevet Dayan – https://www.worldliteraturetoday.org/2021/winter/land-maya-tevet-dayan
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my Young Adult novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
Good for you sharing your words with the world, bravo! 🙂
Thank you!
Your use of metaphor is strong, particularly:
“as if someone is trying to take me apart
like a cooked chicken”
and:
“like a frog skipping over the surface of the water,
and never falling in.”
These poems are filled with depth of feeling.
Thank you so much!
Rachel, these poems are like a cry from the soul. Very powerful.
Thank you!!!
wow! amazing! what a voice you do have in hebrew!! kudos👍🏼🙏🏼👌🏼
Thank you!!!!
This is definitely poetry! Or at least it seems so to me, though I’m not much of a reader of poetry.
Thank you!
I think you should roll your stone self to a nice beach and enjoy rolling along as you please. Nice poems, Rachel.
Thank you!
At least to me, those rejecting classmates sound like assmates. My Pains is silver liningly springy resilient, I am like a Stone is strengthening/advantageous through your ability to notice what no one else notices, and both of your poems have that I’m-not-done-yet/This-is-not-over-yet mindset which makes me look forward to more of what you write (including your poetry which I’m feeling and appreciating). 😀
Thank you so much!
Both poems are riveting. So sad that your classmates managed to discourage this talent.
Thank you so much!
‘ The air being full of thoughts, pain, and anxieties…’ I felt that. Thank you for your work. When I read something that makes me feel human, I light up on the inside.
Thank you so much!
I love them, especially the Stone. I can feel its weight. I’m certain they read even more beautifully in Hebrew. I’ve always said I write for myself. If others like it, I’m happy to have them come along. Your writing brings many of us along. Thank you.
Thank you!!!!
I recently found out I am a zebra too, so I particularly identify with your first poem. I feel so much when reading it. ❤️
Thank you!
Your poem is good of human sickness is existing and the feeling the pain is true in words
Thank you!
Wow! Very good, Rachel!
Thank you so much!
I like your first poem the best. Something about it sings to me.
Thank you so much!
So the first two are yours, they’re written well in English, anyone who says otherwise is an idior.
Thank you!
Are the English poems yours? They are beautiful. I really enjoyed them. I know only too well, what a struggle it is to believe in yourself, but I believe in you! Keep going! I’m praying for you!
Thank you so much!
There are all sorts of poetry. There is no grading system that I know of. The sole criteria for poetry (and other forms of art), I believe, is that it reach from the heart of the author to the heart of the reader. ❤
I hope so.
That is beautiful poetry Rachel, and it makes my heart hurt.
Thank you so much!
most classmates are cruel. And clueless. These are beautiful.
Thank you!
Enjoyable. I am enjoying Srigum as well!
I’m so glad!
Once I tried a Walking Poem i.e. take a walk and then write everything you saw along the way. Poetry is an enjoyable hobby. A nice post even though I do not read Hebrew. “”___””
Thank you!
My pleasure. “”___””
The first one resonates particularly. I’ve read it multiple times and will read it again.
Thank you so much!
I think your verse is authentic as well as meaningful. I’m sure in Hebrew it reads well, though I can only say it looks attractive and, well, cool. The stone heading toward black water is an image that I find especially compelling. Though speculating on the day that all the pain shall come at once truly gets to me.
Thank you so much!
Great compositions. I’m loving the second poem – it calls out to me.
Thank you so much!
Your English versions are poetry. And those of us who write poems, we know of the diversity that exists in poetry, and that there are no rules except for the satisfaction/reasoning of the writer– no matter how others may or may not understand the meanings of the verses. Just continue to go for it, Rachel. Good stuff, lady!
Art
Thank you so much!
Have you ever heard of the camp in Dutchess County called Yiddish land? My cousin just went. It’s a full week of immersion in Yiddish. I thought of you when she told me about the camp.
What a great idea!!!!
I think the discovery that you can write poetry more easily in Hebrew and then translate is very cool. That must be good for both your brain and your poetry “genes.” Write on, Rachel!
Thank you!!!
Your poems are very good. I especially liked the second one.
Thank you!!!!
You are a brilliant writer. Your poems target the core of our soul and being. Painful…because truth of expression always is. God bless.
Thank you so much!
I also feel that protective distance from using another language. I’ve only been able to write a sappy love song in Spanish (at a time when I wanted to write a sappy love song).
Keep this up!
That makes so much sense!
I like these poems. The first one resonated with me better, even though the pain is slowly disappearing behind contentment. The second one reminded me of me teens, the black, sticky water, the darkness which I haven’t experience for decades by God’s grace. Thank you for reminding me to be grateful.
Thank you!
I am curious if the Hebrew pronunciation of these poems sounds moe emotionally appealing than saying them in English. Enlighten me Rachel.
I prefer the Hebrew, but transliteration doesn’t do it justice, so I’m hoping the English conveys the feeling, if not the sound, of the original.
I gather you write well in either language, Rachel.
I do my best! Thank you!
Brevity with words matters when it comes to my foreign language learning. What’s your best stimulus for doing it?
I’m not sure what you mean.
I mean I observe that learning a new language when you simplify the task more. That would relate somewhat to your posts about learning Hebrew.
Ok.. this is cool.. and your poetry honest.. real… thanks for sharing!
Thank you!