One night at synagogue, I was sitting behind a grandmother and granddaughter, ages 65 and 8, approximately. They were both impeccably dressed, hair specially done for the evening. They wouldn’t have been chosen for a greeting card, or a commercial, as the ideal of a warm and sensitive grandmother offering safety and sweetness and cookies to a patient loving child. They were more like an ad for a department store, selling stylish clothes for women of every age. But as I sat there, the little girl picked up her grandmother’s hand and began to investigate. There was that puffy vein on the back of Grandma’s hand and the little girl pressed on it with her thumb, and rolled it under the skin. Then she pinched, gently, some of the skin on Grandma’s hand, and pulled it up like a tent, and then massaged it back into place. Then she ran her fingers over the lines in the skin, and the bends at the finger joints.
All the while Grandma relaxed her hand and allowed the investigation to continue. She didn’t grab her hand away, or hiss at her granddaughter to stop it. There was something so full of love in this interaction, even more so than later on in the service when they wrapped their arms around each other during the standing prayer. And it all made me think. Older women are always made to feel decrepit for their aging skin. Moisturize! Try Crepe erase! Collagen, plastic surgery, face tape! But this woman’s hands were being lovingly explored, seen as one more fascinating thing about Grandma, not to be criticized or avoided, but to be touched and manipulated and loved because they belong to Grandma. As if the granddaughter was saying, these hands make me feel safe and attached. These hands belong to my grandmother and therefore they are beautiful.
Cricket and her own Grandma
We have all of these ideas about how a woman should look, and how her skin should feel, and what color her hair should be, and what size her body should be, but children know better. They believe that whatever you look like is beautiful, if you are the one they love. Everything about how you look and smell and sound reminds them of who you are, and how you feel about them. They want to touch you and see you, not a perfected image of you.
I think this is what we love about dogs too. They don’t care if our skin is tight or loose. They don’t care if we are fat or skinny or in between. They care if we love them, and pet them, and feed them. They love the sound of our voices and the smell of our skin.
“My Grandma is beautiful.”
I want to remember this the next time I feel the need to berate myself for my body, my face, my clothes, or anything else imperfect about me, but I know, even as I write this down, that I am forgetting it, or forgetting to believe it.
“I’ll remind you, Mommy.”
rachelmankowitz 
Dogs are wonderful
Absolutely!
I remember the day I looked down and noticed I now had my grandmother’s hands, brown spots and all. I remember my granddaughter’s delight as she watched the skin on the back of my hands pool up at one of those high speed hand dryers. I hope some day she will look down and see my hands in hers. Thanks for your loving observations.
Thank you!
Nice words! We should see the world with children eyes more often
Thank you!
I’m at the age, 70, where my body constantly surprises me because it doesn’t look, act or feel like it did when I was younger. I have to constantly remind myself that I’m getting older (not old, just oldER) and it’s part for the course and it’s OK. The best thing is, because I’m oldER, people don’t expect perfection any more. What a relief!
That’s one of the great benefits of getting older: we stop thinking that the goal is perfection, because we’ve discovered that there is no such thing.
A wonderful reminder.
Thank you!
I totally agree with your sentiments, and thank you for expressing them so thoughtfully.
Thank you!
I’m perfect or so my dad said.
Great post.
Thank you!
It is love that matters most in both human and dog families alike. And, I can see the tender love shared berween your mom and Cricket in that second picture. It’s a beautiful picture!
Don’t berate yourself for not conforming to some artificial standard of femininity. Look at how you give to others through social work, your love of animals, and other ways.
Isn’t this what really matters?
Yes! Thank you!
What a beautiful image to take away from this piece of writing … A little girl, and her grandmother’s hand. Lovely. Thank you!
Thank you!
I think this is a beautiful post.
Thank you so much!
As always, a thoughtful post filled with insights of the human condition disguised as stories of your dogs. I’m less than a month shy of my eightieth birthday, and the mirror reflects sagging jowls, spots on my skin and a growing bald spot. That’s how my younger grandchildren will remember me instead of the more athletic me of long ago. That’s ok if they also remember the love we share and the thought that I have been a kind and gentle grandpa. Thanks for your lovely post.
Thank you! When I see pictures of my grandfather as a younger man I feel like I’m looking at a stranger. My favorite pictures of him are the ones that fit my memory of him, and the times we spent together.
Beautifully done
Thank you!
How wonderfully written, that has made me smile and cry a little (very emotional today!). I wish I still had the chance to tell my grandmother I loved her. What a beautiful interaction you were witness to. xx
Thank you!
I just love the picture captioned “My Grandma is beautiful.”
Me too!
How lovely a post Rachel.
I never knew either of my grandmothers, but did know my great gran. She may have tried to appear tough on the outside but inside her 4 foot something frame she was a softy.
I remember my Mums hands the last time I saw her asleep in bed. I held one all the while I was there (bar Sis’ visit when I had to move), Liver spots, arthritis, gnarled knuckles, just like mine, but Mum’s hands. I can do a post on that, so will link back to this one if I may.
I’d love that, thank you!
You are most welcome.
Lovely story! ❤️
Thank you!
We can learn so much from dogs. Character, not image is what they adore.
My own hands have aged rapidly over the last five years. Thin wrinkles like crepe paper line the backs, and small brown spots are dotted around them too. But I just think of the life they have led, the things they have held or touched, and enjoy the memories.
Best wishes, Pete.
Thank you!
It’s so hard to love our own imperfections! Millie and Pearl are both getting on now – especially Millie – but to me they get more beautiful every day. However, when I look at the veins starting to show on my own hands, I just wish they’d go away!
Why is it so much easier to love other people (and dogs) than to love ourselves? This is a lifelong question for me, and I have no answer.
You are so talented and insightful. I love reading your posts. Thank you for reminding me of my grandmothers both long gone from this earth but always in my heart. I hope my grand babies will think of me in such a loving way.
Thank you so much!
I was enjoying your post when Max looked at me, raised a doggie eyebrow and said, “Getting a little fat in the can, eh Dad?” So much for non-judgmental dogs. 🙂
Oh no!
Lovely post! Thank you.
Thank you!
When dealing with the inner self, it’s always good to have an assistant.
So beautifully said Rachel; I would often do the same with my mom’s hands, as she had me at 52 and in my 30’s often I would do the same and marvel at all that her hands had accomplished throughout her life. So beautifully written!
Thank you!
There is a special connection and acceptance that skips generations. My mother (87) and my niece (21) are planning a vacation together this year. The last time they went away was when my neice was 14 and they enjoyed it so much. Not sure who will be taking care of who this time around 💛
That sounds wonderful!
Beautifully written. It would be nice if we could be as non-judgemental as dogs are. Sometimes I wonder how Tippy even recognizes me in the mornings, with the hair all askew, etc. But, she doesn’t seem to notice at all.
Thank you! Miss Cricket recognizes her grandma by her outline in the distance, no matter how many layers she’s wearing. It’s a mystery I will never solve.
and you remind us, dear Rachel
Thank you!
This was beautiful. Made me miss my Gram, and my old dogs – but in the happiest, warmest way possible. Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you!
What Amanda said…in addition, I wrote a meaningful quote on a simple notecard and tucked it onto/next to my bathroom mirror, where I’m likely to start judging myself. The quote simply says, “Let your true beauty shine.” Feel free to use my words or find your own and post them where you look at yourself and wonder if you need those beauty products;-).
Thank you!
Aww, so sweet!
Thank you!
Spot on, the stories of our lives are revealed in those moments, and observing them and telling those stories of real people –beautifully done…
Thank you!
This is one of your bests and one of my favorites. Sometimes I look at my hands, which are very worn as I’m a master gardener and gardener designer, meaning I work with my hands and really don’t wear gloves enough. I think they’re looking more like my husband’s grandmother’s hands whom I dearly loved. When I say this to him, he says no they don’t, not understanding that I love that they look like her hands. It connects me to her. That is why this post warms my heart.
Thank you so much!
Oh, that is so sweet! Especially that picture”My grandma is beautiful”
Thank you!
I remember doing this exact same thing with my Grandma’s hands. I thought the purple, swollen veins looked like worms. But hey were part of Grandma, who always loved me no matter what. Thank you for the bittersweet memory and the reminder to love myself as I am, wrinkly hands and all.
Thank you!
What a wonderful story! I have a wonderful four-legged companion as well. Dogs love with no judgment at all. I wish more people could be like that.
This story made my wrinkly face smile. 😄 Thank you
Thank you!
I love that picture “my grandma is beautiful” Rachel, it’s full of love!
Thank you!
Ah Rachel, what a wonderful piece of writing. You nailed it. As a teacher I am often the object of curiosity to children. They want to touch you earrings, your hair, make comments about your glasses and shoes. If you accept it for what it is, a connection, a learning process, then that will shield my fragile ego. LOL Thanks for writing this. It made me think of my grandfather’s hands.
Thank you!
Such a beautiful post Rachel
Thank you!
Very thoughtful and appropriate for me as I turn 65 tomorrow and am bewildered how that can be. The aging process is something I am unprepared for and it is surprising to me when someone treats me like an older person. I have chosen not to color my hair and the gray is a sure sign that I am aging, in addition to my skin and especially my eyes. I don’t recognize that person when I look in the mirror. Your words are soothing. Thank you.
Thank you so much!
Sweet!
Thank you!
So beautiful! The eyes of a child! They see the whole person and love them for who they are. Wonderful post.
Thank you!
My nieces and nephews used to explore my mother’s wrinkles. Thank you for the lovely reminder.
Thank you!
such a sweet, touching reminder of what things are really important in life.
Thank you!
Rachel, there is patience, wisdom and love in this wonderful vignette. She knew if her granddaughter was fascinated by her hand, she would remain quiet. Her patience shows that she just wanted to enjoy the moment with her. The love is she probably was reminded of her own children, the granddaughter’s parent. Maybe the parent did that too, when she was young. It is just a touching example. Thanks for sharing, Keith
Thank you!
Beautiful, moving post. Thank you. And you are right; dogs are such great people. They love us just the way we are and never judge how we look.
A lovely post!
I loved this post. And it’s not just children or dogs. There are many among us who relate to the people we love just as you described it. But fashion is very popular, and there are people who want to be Barby dolls, or to fall in love with such dolls… there are people who want to be young forever, and to celebrate youth forever. There’s room for everyone here. But since you’ve already reached the appreciation of dogs and children, I think you should stop worrying about those standards that don’t appeal to you. With best wishes.
Thank you! Best wishes!
I would give a fortune to touch my grandfather’s hands again. I would give a slightly smaller fortune to see my Chuy’s eyes again adore me with their unconditional love. I think grandfather’s and dogs are two of the finest things this world has to offer me, right behind the love of my mother.
They, and I, indeed all of us, perfect in our imperfections.
Seek peace,
Paz
Thank you!
Love encompasses all things and covers everything. Such a beautiful story. It brings tears to my eyes as I visualized the love between grandma and her grand daughter. I feel blessed by your blog. Have wonderful weekend.
Thank you!
Your precious little four legged love looks much like my “Mason”. He was 6 on January 31. He keeps me going. You have a lovely blog. E.
Thank you!