I’m very nervous about the reopening of the country. In New York, we’ve had a pretty severe shutdown, and we are moving through the stages of re-opening, tied to the lower numbers of hospitalizations and deaths from Covid-19, but I’m still scared. I remember, not so long ago, when many governors were worrying out loud about the fact that there are no walls between states, and a high infection rate nearby, due to low-usage of masks, or a lack of social distancing, or just bad luck, could put us all under water again.
People are people, and they will get into a car, or get on a plane, and go to a business meeting, or visit family, or go on vacation. And, maybe someone will take their temperature somewhere along the way, but sick people can have normal temperatures, and maybe they will take the precaution to get tested, but a negative Covid test one day can become a positive test the next.
We know that wearing masks and social distancing can mitigate the spread, but in many parts of the country the wearing of masks has become a political issue, and in many places the fear of this disease has largely dissolved, and people are crowding into bars and restaurants without masks, or wearing masks as a fashion accessory rather than as protection, and removing them to drink and eat and talk with friends.
At the same time, the CDC keeps raising the estimates for how many people are going to die. The last I heard it was 140,000 people dead by July 4th, but that announcement came only a week after the previous estimate of 130,000 people dead by July 4th. It’s getting worse, not better.
My synagogue is planning to have High Holiday services online this fall, and we’re planning “just in case” for synagogue school to be online as well. But no one really knows what will be possible as the numbers of cases keep rising across the country. I’ve heard estimates that 200,000 people will have died in the United States, from Covid-19, by the end of the summer, or sooner. And the chances that those numbers are an undercount is very high.
The problem is, no one quite knows what the right balance should be, between being so careful and isolated that we lose our minds, and being so lax that the number of cases grow precipitously. A lot of people are desperate to get outside and to go back to feeling normal, no matter what the numbers may be.
I think I’m more frightened now than I was back in March, because in the beginning this seemed like it might go away in a few months. At the time, we were watching China re-open and South Korea re-open and assumed we could get there too. But now China is seeing new cases, and New Zealand, where the coronavirus had seemingly been eradicated, new cases appeared when they opened up to travel from other countries. I don’t think we will be able to shut down again, even if that’s the only tactic that would really work to contain the virus. But I don’t feel confident that I would survive Covid-19 if I got sick. More importantly, I don’t trust that my mother would survive this disease, and I know I wouldn’t survive without her.
My own risk benefit analysis has made it clear to me that I need to continue to shelter in place, despite the re-opening around me. I will continue to go to the supermarket and the drug store as infrequently as possible, wearing a mask and gloves, and I will continue to go to appointments by phone or Zoom, and cancel the ones that would have to be done in person. I will continue to walk the dogs in the backyard, keeping at least six feet of distance between me and my neighbors.
But I respect the people who are making risk benefit assessments that are different than mine. Other people have different situations, and different health issues, and may not live with older relatives. Other people may have no choice about whether or not to go out to work, or may need to get out for the sake of their mental health. I understand the risk benefit analysis that has led people to go out and march in protest, making sure to wear their masks and wash their hands, decreasing risk as much as possible while expressing outrage that can’t be expressed effectively any other way. I understand that people feel isolated and need to meet with friends, trying to keep some distance, in order to feel less alone. And I understand that mistakes will happen, and people can get tired and forget to wear their masks or lose track of how far away they are from a stranger on the sidewalk.
But, I don’t understand crowds of unmasked people filling the beaches on Memorial Day, or packing into bars like sardines. And I don’t understand having a rally indoors, where people will be standing close together and screaming for hours, in a city where rates of coronavirus are rising.
I don’t understand who can see estimates of 200,000 people dead by September and decide that that’s an acceptable loss. It’s not acceptable to me. It’s monstrous, and devastating. And I’m afraid.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my Young Adult novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
I feel for you. So far *touch wood* we have had it pretty light here in Oz but even so I watch the news carefully. COVID19 is an invisible enemy. Nobody knows where it is until the tentacles are already out. I see my current sense of freedom as a holiday before a second wave. It may be two months away. It may be two weeks away. We just watch and wait. But you guys have had it much scarier. You’re right… in the end personal safety is in the hands of individuals. And if you feel vulnerable, you have to make the rules. It’s a tough place to be in.
Thank you! We’ve had to spend a lot of time guessing about where the risks are and best practices might be. I think that’s been the worst part.
I think lots of people are making their own risk assessments on both sides of the Atlantic; unless one lives in a remote area it’s difficult to do social distancing with more and more people about. A straw poll on my local Facebook group showed that all those shielding vulnerable people or self isolating were NOT going out and about yet.
My neighborhood had been so quiet for months, but now there are crowds starting to return, especially at outdoor restaurants. I actually miss the quiet.
A personal risk assessment which can be objectively compared with or considered by a trusted health professional is a good way to approach the situation.
Sounds about right.
It’s a scary time Rachel. The numbers are still too high and IMO our government here in the UK are putting money and profit before lives. Hubby and I wear our masks and gloves when we shop, walk down the High Street or go to the doctor’s surgery. It’s second nature, and we avoid people if we can, acknowledging our friends and fellow dog walkers from across the street or behind the gates/over the fence. We have to do all we can to keep ourselves safe, as it is not going to go away. The idiots in marches, raves and social gatherings are putting so many at risk but can’t see it. We expect to see a surge in the numbers next week and the following one as it will be 11 days after easements.
Keep safe, and stick to your guns for your personal safety.
Thank you! You stay safe too!
I hear you, Rachel. I see likewise here. The truth being, that you hit upon accurately, is that no one really knows…
…However, more (or less) importantly I was surprised on reading your post that you are in New York – why wouldn’t I be, she says? – I don’t think I ever realised. For some reason I always have imagined you writing in, I don’t know, a mining village in Lancashire, the Borders, Gdansk, just outside of Durham, Neukoln…:)
Just goes to show (what I’m not sure!)
Love to the hounds of course xo
Thank you! I love the idea that I could be from some exotic place, but no, I am Long Island born and bred.
aside – “she’s clearly never been to a mining village in Lancashire!”
“yeah, but if she had been writing from a garret in Shipper Bottom just think how ace it would be!”
“true. And exotic!”
“aye.”
xo
Australia has done well in controlling the virus, but in the state where I live they are tightening the rules again because there has been small spike in infections among family members who clearly haven’t been obeying the social distancing rules. We have had no deaths for more than a month and few people in ICU, but even so the govt is taking a small spike very seriously. It makes me wonder why the final toll in the US will be. I heard a US commentator this morning saying that the US doesn’t have the attitude that people need to restrict their own freedoms to play a responsible part in society as a whole.
It differs from place to place and person to person, which is part of the difficulty. I wish we could all agree on a plan for how to proceed, but we can’t even agree on the facts.
Here in Florida, our number of positive cases is record-setting every single day. But our governor says we will not go back to lockdown. I wear a mask everywhere I go, which is mainly to the grocery store. A few other stores I like have mandated masks be worn, so I support those store. But I watch from the parking lots, too. If I see a lot of people going to/from a store unmasked–that is not the store for me. There is too much at stake here. I will protect myself as best I can. Your thinking is right on the mark, Rachel. Keep safe.
Thank you! I feel lucky that most places I go people are wearing their masks. I actually saw someone leaving the supermarket this week without a mask on, and I realized that was the first in a very long time.
And there is no suggesting to someone that they might want to wear a mask. I keep quiet and move on….quickly.
Your puppy seems to realize that you have afraid.
Yes. She’s my comfort!
You know, causing and using fear is one of the goals of this global pandemic to keep people away from each other, and to justify restrictive measures.
And this has nothing to do with public health.
It seems that in places where safety measures were enacted day by day and one by one not for political but for practical reasons, the virus got contained. And then where there was opening up, the virus returned and cases increased. Meaning we’re not ready. And how could we be? We still don’t have a vaccine or a treatment yet. And people still are dying. I thought death would be a compelling criterion. I’ve never understood acceptable losses, not in war or any other campaign. In the Gulf War of the ’90s, the acceptable loss of life among citizens in the USA was none. And the casualties were relatively lower, although relatively still isn’t good. I thought we’d be taking this disease seriously at least until people weren’t dying from it. I mean reasonably serious. Because you’re right–situations vary between people, needs, and occupations. And day by day it is easy for someone to forget to put on the mask or something like that. So on the one hand we don’t need to live in Draconia, but we don’t need to live in La-La Land either. Like you, I’m planning to move very slowly, checking and frankly gauging how well we’re responding while we think we’re responding.
I hope you are really well, and I do wish you and the dogs a happy start to summer.–Christopher
Thank you! Stay safe!
I agree, Rachel; it’s not the time to plunge back into the old normal. I don’t know if it ever will be!
I hope that time will come again soon. I just don’t want to pretend it’s here when it’s not.
I read that Michigan and New York were the only states on track to keep our COVID numbers down. Here we are worried about vacationers coming to enjoy our lakes and beaches. Hopefully people choose to care for one another and follow proper protocalls.
Sending love and hope to you in NY. ((HUGS))
Thank you! One positive is that a lot of the things that draw people to NYC are not happening right now, so people won’t be crowding in to go to broadway or something. But upstate New York, which has been much less effected by the virus, could see a lot of visitors, for all of the scenery.
And that’s so scary. My great aunt is just outside of Buffalo and she is not venturing out much at all
We each have to decide for ourselves. What makes us comfortable. I am not comfortable eating in a restaurant, travelling in a plane or train, shopping without a mask, bringing groceries and purchases into the house without cleaning them, etc. If we look after our own needs, we will be fine. Those who do not worry or do not care will be fine, unless they catch it. Mass gatherings are everywhere, protests, rallys, beach crowds, birthday celebrations, anniversaries, parties are ongoing, because everyone hears things are opening up and going back to normal and they do not listen to the second part, “maintain physical distance or wear a mask if you can’t” or they simply do not care. We were at an extremely low case and death rate where I am, but 3 parties and an outbreak in a hospital (staff) have changed that. Still not terrible, but concerning. This is one time where we can not be our brother’s keeper, they will do what they will do. Stay well Rachel. Allan
Thank you! I do worry about healthcare workers, though, because my brother and his wife are both doctors. I wish they could get a break from the tragedy.
Yes, yes, yes to everything you wrote here, Rachel. This is a scary time.
Thank you! It helps to have people to share it with.
This has definitely been a scary and confusing time. I was baffled today to see people wearing masks at a crowded garage sale. That just made no sense at all to me. I think it’s important to just really focus on working towards basic good health, and not let the fear take over. Peace! 🌷
I’ve seen some funny uses of masks and strange ideas of what qualifies as social distancing, but at least they’re making the attempt.
True that, we are all just finding our way in these uncharted waters. 🌈
I agree totallt with your point of view. With me co-morbidities I can take no risks. I finally went in for a months overdue dental appt today. I insisted on being the first patient of the day. My temperature was taken and a full questionaire was filled out. My doctor was in full PPE from his surgery cap, masks, face shield, full body disposable covering, and shoe covers. He gently reminded me with my age and teeth conditions, I need these cleanings. I truly felt safe. I have no desire to go anywhere but the grocery store as few times as I can.
I trust my dentist too. That’s going to be one of the only appointments I go to for the next while. A haircut will have to wait.
My hair is a mess and will stay that way for a loooong time.
I share your concerns about those who seemingly are willing to take what I consider to be high risks in the midst of shaky benefits. Sigh. We do what we can – that’s all we can do.
Good on you for trying.
Thank you! Stay safe!
I read too much and watch too much and see too much and when I see that one day we’re told one thing, and the next another, I start to question everything. When I see my governor walking arm in arm with protesters – and I’m not saying they don’t have the right to protest – and then turning around and refusing to allow graduations, where there would be far fewer people than there were at the protests, I start to question everything. I’m not alone. This is why people are going to beaches, and going to rallies – is that so different from the protests or does it depend on which political side someone is on? I wear a mask out of respect for others. But I refuse to stop living.
Hear hear!
I’m right next door to you in New Jersey, and I’m right there with you on staying safe and minimizing exposure. Big thumbs up.
Stay safe!
I hear you! It is a real tightrope act this re-opening thing. I am in Ontario and we have pretty good numbers now but not so good in Toronto and some other cities to the West where there is a spike in numbers of 20 something year old young people. I am also with you on being more concerned now than in March. The reality of this pandemic has sunk in now. This thing is not going away soon. Far from it. And I am aghast at people who delude themselves to thinking it is a hoax or ” no worse than the flu”. Anyway you stay well Rachel!
You stay well too!
I’m in Manhattan (Upper West Side) and I am ambivalent about Phase 2 (beginning Monday in NYC). On the one hand, people are itching to get back to work and out of their apartments and I can totally understand that, although my husband and I are both retired. On the other hand, we have been very successful at wearing masks and social distancing and I am beginning to see that break down somewhat. We just started grocery shopping about two weeks ago. We have no intention of doing more than errands and know that the stores we visit will enforce both masks and social distancing. We’ve stopped being obsessive about surfaces now that the research says that the real threat is person-to-person contact not surfaces. But of course we wash our hands all the time! Its going to be a long time before we feel confident to go to a restaurant or a gathering indoors! Thank goodness it is nice weather so we can get outside with our pup and enjoy a change of scenery without too much worry. Stay safe, but try not to get too anxious, a tall order in these crazy times!
Thank you! Stay safe!
I don’t know all the specifics about NY— I never saw any of your governor’s daily chats—but NC closed playgrounds but kept parks open. So basically our routine changed very little. Grocery shopping became an adventure though. Be well.
You too!
Everyday we hear about masks and distancing and our leaders exhort us to stay apart and stay home to stay safe. Then we turn on the TV and see the opposite behaviors from tens and hundreds of thousands of our fellow citizens. End of day, I guess you just have to do what seems right for your circumstances.
Yep. Clarity would be nice, though.
The current coronavirus numbers are terrifying. Stay safe!
You too!
True, people are people! The same kind of people are in India too. Infact, When the cases in US were at peak, In India we had a very few cases, then we put a strict lockdown. From the day the restrictions are loosened there is a sharp increase in the cases. Reopening in India has increased the cases, some people are still very less moving out of their houses but some are going out! However I think countries should reopen in a limited manner and only for those who urgently need.
I wish things get normal asap. Stay Safe everyone.
It’s all so difficult. Stay safe!
I wrote about this subject on Saturday. Too much ‘opening up’, too soon. The deaths are seen as collaterall damage, in order to boost the economy. It continues to shock me.
Best wishes, Pete.
It really is shocking. Stay safe!
We each have very different risk profiles and I think you’re wise to be very cautious.
Thank you! Stay safe!
You too Rachel
I hear and share everyone of your concerns for re-opening, as my county in PA gets ready to go into the green zone in 5 more days. I will not be rushing out to go to places I haven’t been able to for months, and still practice safety precautions for those places I need to go. There is some lift mentally in knowing that I CAN go places and having the freedom to make my own choice NOT to go there. Like you, I have some medical issues that would be exacerbated where I to catch the virus, so due diligence will be with me for a while yet. Please continue to look after yourself, your mom and your 4-legged family – our loved ones are more important to us than any shopping or dining experience out there!
Absolutely! Stay safe!
I feel the same way. Just watching and waiting here in Florida. It’s unbelievable how people are behaving, not much consideration for others. Be safe and ride it out.
I’m doing my best. Stay safe!
It is really worrying isn’t it? It’s an all over problem across the globe.
Stay safe!
🙏✌🙏
Such a pity that people can’t figure out how to re-open sensibly.
It’s frustrating, because the plans and guidance exist, but somehow they can’t be put into place.
Colorado is re-opening, slowly. They’ll have to start the revolution (and re-opening) without me. We went to the mountains last weekend, stayed at a B&B in a very small town, then spent a night in a larger town on the way back. Many were masking, but some (the brave, the proud, the few, the idiots) did not mask at all. I mask because I CHOOSE to, for MY sake. I’m old and susceptible to disease. I go to the store, usually very early, always cautiously. Until this thing ‘blows over’ I’m stayin’ in and working more jigsaw puzzles. (P.S. Oliver is a cutie.)
Oliver is such a sweetie. Whenever he comes over he tries to take one of the girls’ toys with him, even though he has every toy in the world at his apartment.
Some fool hardy people think the numbers have been inflated and that the statistics are just a hoax designed to scare us all. Those people are the same ones gathering in large groups and then being shocked when someone in that group catches C-19 and spreads it. Utah, which was initially very mildly affected, has leapt to greater and greater numbers of cases and a huge outbreak just north of where I live. And still the nay-sayers wander around saying it’s not a real problem or that it’s scare tactics. America is a ship of fools. And we’re trapped on it with nary a life boat or flotation device to be had. Take care Rachel. At least the dogs are happy!
Stay safe!
The projected numbers of dead scare me, too. I also, for health reasons must “stay home” for the duration. I am able to get most things online, including buying food from my neighborhood market. I only have to physically go to one store, because my dog, who decided she is a finicky eater, will only eat a certain brand of food I can’t get anywhere else!
My biggest concern is seeing people who refuse to mask taunt and shame those who do. This is so unkind and so not necessary. We are in this together and must make the choices that work for us.
Solidarity from one self-isolator to another!
Thank you! The taunting of mask wearers is just weird. I think seeing people in masks must threaten the illusion that everything is okay, but that illusion is so thin to begin with. Stay safe!
Hi sorry to read that you are feeling so vulnerable & afraid. Its a very difficult situation & you can only do what you feel is ok to keep you safe & no one should make you feel bad about that. Thanks for reading my blog & hope that if nothing else it might have made you smile & feel a little less stressed. Take care & stay safe.
Thank you!
I have health issues, so I follow the directives about masks and social distancing closely. But, in the end, our lives are in God’s hands. That is an enormous comfort to me — whether I eventually succumb to coronavirus or an air conditioner falls on my head (LOL). God already knows how many breaths we will take. And when we take our last, He will bring us home to Him. ❤
"He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge…
You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you" (Ps. 91: 4-7).
That’s lovely!
Be well and hopeful!!
Thank you!
I think that because no one really knows the future with this disease we are having to figure out how to keep on living. I don’t mean through total denial–rushing out to bars and beaches. I mean which things are essential to us and what things are optional. It has really clarified things for me. I bought barrettes for my hair from Amazon, reverting to a hair style I wore as a kid. Hair cuts are not essential. I went for a mammogram. With my family history of breast cancer, this was essential. I will always err on the side of caution figuring caution can’t expose me to reckless others.
That makes so much sense! I’ve been seriously considering braids myself.
I had those as a kid. You have given me another hair do idea. Thanks.
How wonderful, after 40 years I am also allowing my hair to grow long again, and using Alice bands like a 1960s teenager 🙂
Oh right! Alice bands. I remember I made a lot of hair bands from various ribbons and elastic. I loved the selection of ribbon at the dime store.
I think we all need to do what feels right for us, even if our states are doing the opposite. It’s ok to be safe and careful. As a New Yorker, you know how bad it can get!
I think I always worry that I’m missing out, that there’s some big party everyone else is at while I’m at home watching TV. But for now, feeling safe is the best possible feeling.
I’m enjoying staying home and catching up on shows I missed the first time around!
Loved the picture of Oliver and the girls. Social distancing was a very hard pill for Adi to swallow. All her life she’s been encouraged to be social and friendly and thrives on the attention she gets when we walk in our community. She didn’t understand when people she recognized didn’t stop to say hi and would literally stop in her tracks, whimper at them, and refuse to move forward. I began carrying treats to bribe her past people which makes me so sad. With some of our favorite neighbors I began dropping her leash so she could run up to them say her hello and run back to me.
Like you, I have aging parents to consider. We’ve decided despite the reopening to be cautious in our ventures into enclosed public settings to protect them.
We’ve decided to consider Oliver as a family member, because we’d be lost without him.
We don’t understand the crowds packing into places either or rallies, but lots of younger people seem to be convinced that they will be just fine. As for us, we’re staying put, using online shopping wherever possible, and avoiding crowded parks for our walks. At least here in Scotland, we’re unlocking more slowly than down south.
Interestingly, each of the devolved nations are proceeding at their own pace here, which does confuse some people about what’s allowed where!
Same with states in the United States. Even in New York, each region is opening at a different pace. I can’t even keep track of what’s supposed to be allowed in phase one or phase two, let alone which area is in which phase.
My thoughts are with you. Sadly, many people think freedom and independence comes with an invisible shield which will protect them from Covid-19. I am staying cautious, indoors!
An invisible shield would be awesome! I’d even take one of those plastic bubbles, if I could still walk. Or roll.
That would be fun!
It’s such an awful situation. Where I am (Oman), cases are still rising and our rate (when you adjust for population) is higher than Brazil etc… and yet we are mostly back at work, today the shops all reopened, and it all just feels so scary, and like people are being treated as expendable. As hard as isolation is, I’d rather feel safe.
Wow! Stay as safe as you can!
I think you’re fortunate for living in New York where the government has taken a strict and persistent stance that the population it seems has bought into. Governor Cuomo has done an exemplary job. I also admire Governor Whitmer of Michigan who steadfastly weathered some crazy protests to see her state make great progress. In the early days I felt good about being in California. Now, not so much. I feel like the governor caved in to the political pressure. We continue with the reopening even though the cases are rising.
My own personal feeling is one of frustration more than fear or vulnerability. I really don’t want to see us fight the fight that we went through in April when people “wanted their lives back (a term that I found disgusting)” and flaunted the rules. A couple of months ago the fight was over reopening businesses. Now that the state is reopening the fight has turned to masks. I don’t understand how the simple habit of wearing a mask has somehow become a fight over perceived constitutional rights. People who have no real idea of what tyranny is are calling a mask mandate tyrannical.
It’s incomprehensible, really. The science says masks help slow the spread, so, where’s the controversy?
Americans have trouble shedding the aura of rugged individualism. The idea of “nobody is going to tell ME what to do.”
We’ve seen these folks before COVID-19. They’re the folks who, text while driving, don’t wear seatbelts, don’t leash their dogs, take their dogs into the supermarket and think that wearing a motorcycle helmet is a Stalinist plot.
Ha!
Face mask and social distancing remain the first defense against transmission.
Be careful.
Thank you! You too!
Your in my thoughts and prayers 🙏🏽😇
Thank you!
I’m scared too. Linda and I are both goners if we get it. We’ve made the decision to provide childcare for our son and his wife – actually for their 6 month old baby – because if Ollie were to have any other form of daycare, we couldn’t have any contact with him. That’s unacceptable to us. Still, the sight of two aging women, one of them pretty disabled, caring for a wiggly 6 month old could be a new sitcom, if we let cameras in the house. (Don’t worry, we won’t – his parents wisely decided to keep all photos of him off social media, much less the TV.)
I read an interesting article in the Atlantic that talked about why some people are so resistant to masks, etc. The gist was that when all one can see of the situation is loss, then the urge to rebel in some folks will just make them dig in and “not care” about dying, because the situation already seems worse than dying to them. Whereas I will admit that a part of me is perfectly happy hiding at home indefinitely, (except of course that I know the economy will be a mess.)
It’s all very strange and sad. Thank goodness for the innocence of little dogs!
Babies and dogs make everything better!
All of the out of state summer people are flocking to town here … without masks. We continue to practice social distancing and I, too remain scared. Be well!!
Eek! Stay safe!
How much have you dogs? It is very beatiful and likely seem