A good friend of mine died recently. He was a black-haired, gentle-souled miniature poodle named Teddy and I miss him very much. I hadn’t seen him in a while, but just knowing that he was still there, still climbing through his doggy door and sleeping on his Mommy’s lap, was reassuring and made the world feel whole.
He was fifteen and a half, I think, two and a half years older than Cricket, my cocker spaniel/miniature poodle mix, who adored him from the get-go. He was long-legged and skinny, with hair that quickly covered his eyes between grooming session. He could leap like a ballet dancer, pointed toes and all, or just race full steam ahead to play with a toy. He was full of joy, and love, and seriousness. He was a gentleman, in the way he held himself and in the boundaries he set around himself. If he could have spoken, he would have had a faint French accent, nothing too broad, more like the head waiter at a high-end restaurant.
Over the past few years he grew blind and deaf, relying on his younger sister to alert him to noises he needed to respond to, and by the end, to alert him to meal time as well. He had been slowing down for a while, but took great joy in his resurgence on CBD oil, it gave him a zest for life and an appetite and the energy to be his athletic self once again. But his final illness came on quickly, shutting down his kidneys. Treatment only relieved his symptoms temporarily, and when the symptoms inevitably returned he was even more confused than before, and unable to feel like his true self. When he stopped eating, his sister stopped eating too, to keep him company, to express her grief at what she instinctively knew was coming, and because when your loved ones are in pain, you feel the pain too.
He died with dignity, in a way we don’t often allow our human loved ones to do, surrounded by love and by the knowledge that he had lived a full life, a generous life, and a satisfying life. I imagine that when he crossed the rainbow bridge he did a few leaps and arabesques and then raced towards his two golden sisters who were waiting for him on the other side. He would have had so much to tell them about the world they’d left behind, and they would have had so much to tell him about what comes after.
We tend to think that our role models and teachers will be human, but Teddy was one of my best teachers, and he was truly, and fully, a dog, in the best possible way.
Teddy was my therapy dog. Not only because he was my therapist’s dog, but because he offered his own version of therapy: a nonverbal, relationship-based therapeutic technique that they don’t teach in school. He modeled for me how to respect your own emotions and your own boundaries even while reaching out to others. He modeled how to be fully yourself and respectful of others at the same time. He, like Cricket, taught me that there is no shame in speaking up when you feel strongly about something. And that there is honor and strength in accepting your own limitations and not forcing yourself into situations where you don’t feel safe.
He was a picky little man, with specific tastes in food and people and dog friends, and he chose me. He trusted me, and I felt the honor of that deeply. Teddy taught me that it’s not arrogant or selfish to hold your own views, or to love only who you love. He showed me that you can have those preferences, and know yourself, while still being respectful and polite to those who don’t fit for you – unless they scare you or piss you off, and then you can scream.
He showed me that you can express your fear and pain, and if you express it fully and truthfully, there is then room for other feelings to come in. He taught me that there is no shame in asking for affection when you need it, and he taught me that there are people, and dogs, who will be honored that you’ve asked for their affection.
His acceptance of me, his love for me, and his trust of me, was healing on a very deep level. He reflected me back to myself as I really am. He told me that I am kind, I am trustworthy, and I am loveable. And I believed it, from him. I think the fact that he could never communicate in words, which are my stock in trade, also played a role. He reached the parts of me that can’t speak and they heard him and felt comforted by him.
I know there were times when it wasn’t easy being Teddy. There were a limited number of people that made him feel comfortable, and when he couldn’t be with those people he suffered. I can relate to that, completely.
He stayed with me a couple of times, in the period after Butterfly died and before Ellie arrived, and after a short period of vocal grief and longing for his Mom, he settled in with us. He set his boundaries with Cricket early on, and she respected those boundaries, and appreciated his respect for her space too. They went on walks together, and ate dinner together and took naps together peacefully, as long as I was there to referee. By the time he had to leave Cricket was forlorn, sleeping in his makeshift bed until the scent of him dissipated.
The most important lesson I learned from Teddy is that love is a gift. His love for me was a gift. And the love I felt for him in return made me feel strong enough to raise Cricket with love, and then Butterfly, and now Ellie. He taught me that having enough of what you need makes you feel like you are enough.
Dogs, maybe because they live such short lives, focus in on the most important things: love, food, joy, and safety. They don’t get distracted by appearances or wear the masks we humans wear to get through our days.
I will miss Teddy, but I will also keep Teddy with me, as part of me, for the rest of my life, as a guide, and as a source of energy for the lessons I still want and need to learn.
Goodbye, my friend. May you feel all of the love you have inspired throughout your short life, and find peace and community on the other side.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my Young Adult novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
I remember when Teddy stayed with you. Bless Teddy, bless his owner, bless you and bless your doggies.
Thank you!!!!!
It is hard to lose a four-legged friend. They are so faithful and uncritical. ❤
They really are!
Rachel, so sorry for your loss. We grieve for our pets as they are constants in our lives. Keith
Thank you!!!!
So true.
While some people can hardly believe that a dog can do and be all that, I know you are so right. I am sorry for you, your therapist, and the rest of Teddy’s world, for this huge loss. Yet, the things he taught, and the healing he effected, are his legacy, and remain with you all. May he run free with no more pain or limits.
Wouldn’t that be wonderful?!!!!!
Lovely tribute.
Thank you!
So sorry for your loss, Rachel!!!
Thank you!
Thanks for sharing your story and relationship with Teddy. He sounds like a truly wonderful friend.
Thank you for reading!!!
I’m so sorry for your loss Rachel. I have watched many a friend mourn over a lost pet. Teddy taught you a lot of stuff. That’s the wonderful traits of a dog. The love, the loyalty, the forgiveness, the companionship. may Teddy be able to romp around with his buddies over that rainbow bridge. Take care.
Thank you!!!!!
I am so truly sorry for your loss. I lost one of my two just recently, and this post of yours brought tears to my eyes. Teddy sounds like he was a beautiful soul. Lucky you to have had him as a mentor!
He was such a gift!
I remember Teddy very well through your stories and pictures and will grieve with you in this loss. What a wonderful little man – I hope he runs into Red and our other loved ones in the great wherever.
He would LOVE Red!!!!!
I’m so sorry, Rachel. They truly are furry angels . . .
They are! Thank you!
What a beautiful print Teddy has left on your life. Thank you for sharing with us the many gifts he gave you throughout his life. May you find much comfort in the snuggles Cricket and Ellie offer as you grieve the loss of Teddy.
The girls are doing a great job of distracting me, and of reminding me of how lucky I am to have dogs in my life.
So sorry. Poochies bring the meaning of unconditional love to our lives.
They really do! Thank you!
Always hard losing a furry family member. Beautifully written tribute to Teddy! They are Angels! I keep telling my approximately 9+ year old gal she must live forever, or give me at least 20 years! 🙃 her newcomer brother hasn’t been well received, even over a year later. He’s still intruding on her world. I certainly wish they all could live forever!😙😌
Cricket and I have had similar conversations, both about living to twenty and about the presence of a sibling. We try to hear each other out, but she is much more stubborn than I am (though I think she’d say the same about me).
😅😙🐕🥰🐩
Nothing I can say will suffice. I had a dog like that. Ruddy My Heart, was his official name. Ruddy he was called. Rud for short. Lived 15 1/2 years, like Teddy. We went everywhere together. Cried my eyes out when he died. Still not over Rud. Dedicated O to him. Yes, they are the very epitome of goodness and acceptance.
Nice post Rachel. Brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you so much!
An absolutely beautiful obituary for a love friend. When I go I want the rainbow bridge and all the dogs I have loved.
Wouldn’t that be wonderful?!
I am sorry that you have lost a friend but from your words and photographs ( particularly the one with Cricket and Grandma) I know he was well loved and cared for and your words show just how much. Thank you Rachel
Thank you!!!!
A beautiful tribute to your loyal, loving friend. Sometimes I think we don’t deserve animals and all the love they have to give. You did right by the little guy, and his life was better for it. Cheers.
Thank you!
Awwwww, what a sweetie. Sorry for your loss. Dogs are so wise and can teach us so much!!
Thank you! Each dog in my life has taught me so much.
So sad to lose any friend but a four-legged is really hard.
It really is. But I was so lucky to have him in my life.
Yes, worth the heartbreak but still heartbreaking.
Oh, what a beautiful piece. I wish i’d known Teddy. I’m crying, but it’s a good cry. That he lived, that you were fortunate to share his life, and that he lives on in the gifts he shared. We are so unworthy of dogs, and i am sososo grateful that they don’t seem to mind.
My deepest condolences to you, and his human parent/companion.
Thank you so much!
I’m so sorry that Teddy had to go. I hope you find comfort in the memories of his sweet love and support.
I do! Thank you!
Wonderful tribute to your departed friend. Truly he was beloved.
Thank you!!!
What an amazing story, thank you for telling it so well.
Thank you so much!
Thank you for reading!
Aw , what a lovely boy. It sounded like he had lots of love from all the best people and doggy friends. xx
He was so loved! Thank you!
What a beautiful description of a wonderful animal. You are so right that animals can teach us so much. Some of my best friends have been dogs and in one case a horse. I hope you and your therapist can be comforted in the knowledge that Teddy left the world and you in a better place. I delight in your insight and skill with words.
Thank you so much!
Very sorry to hear the loss of Teddy and glad that the unconditional love you posted here !! 💙
Thank you!
Aww, sweet Teddy. So sorry for the loss of your friend. May the tender memories you shared provide some measure of comfort.
Thank you!
So sad to lose a pet. We lost our cat of 12 years old two weeks ago. My daughter’s cat. Became my cat after she left home. Our pets, become part of our family. I am sorry for the lost.
Thank you! So sorry for your loss!
That is a lovely tribute to Teddy.
Thank you!
I’m so sorry for your loss. Teddy’s lucky that he lived such a long, full life. I’m sure he’ll always live in your happy memories.
He was such a good boy!
I’m so sorry.
Thank you!
Such a beautiful tribute. I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending love and peace. 💖
Thank you!
Beautiful Tribute to Teddy such a wonderful friendship. Love and peace x
He gave you so much, and you him Rachel
Thank you so much! I’ve been very lucky!
Beautiful eulogy. Beautiful.
Thank you so much!
Losing a four-legged friend is so hard. I’m sorry for your loss.
Thank you!
So sorry t o hear this
Thank you!
I am so sorry for your loss. Teddy sounds like he was a very good friend to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I pray that you find comfort in all of the happy memories of him. (((Hugs)))
Thank you!
You are right, love is a gift! So sorry to hear of the loss of your dear loving dog. They are special creatures and wonderful friends.
Dwight
Thank you!
Teddy has never truly passed until the last person who knew him passes themselves.
Your love for him comes through profoundly Rachel.
Thank you so much!
he and many will greet you at the bridge
I’m so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful tribute for a special friend.❤️
Thank you!
Hi Rachel, what a loss… I’m sorry for your loss.Such love do meet again.
Thank you!
So sorry to hear
Thank you!
😦 😦 😦
Lulu: “We’re very sorry to hear that Teddy had to go over the Rainbow Bridge. I am sending you lots of fluffy tail wags at this difficult time.”
Charlee: “And we Hipsters send purrs!”
Thank you! I appreciate both the wags and the purrs very much!
Sorry for your loss.
Thank you!
❤ 😥 ❤
😭🐕🐾🌈🌷🌺🌸🐕🐕🐩🌻🌹🌼
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you!
Dogs teach us to savor every day, to live in the present, to let go as they depart. Such a hard but important lesson.
The letting go part is awful.
Yes. I still miss doggies who have crossed the rainbow bridge many years ago 😢
😭