A few months ago, I was asked to be one of a small group of people to do oral history interviews for my synagogue, in order to capture the history of the synagogue, especially with so many of the founders already gone. I’d done a few historical articles about the founding of the synagogue for the monthly newsletter, a few years back, so I thought maybe they’d want my notes, or that they’d want me to tell the stories I’d been told. But it turned out that they wanted my own stories, whatever I wanted to focus on, from my eleven years as a member.
I was honored to be chosen, and overwhelmed with too many ideas of what to say, and scared to be on camera, but I was also busy teaching, and going to doctor visits, and I didn’t have time to wade through all of my ideas and come up with something to say at that moment, so I asked if they could wait until synagogue school was over for the year, and they said certainly, we’ll reach out in May.
But when I got a follow up email a few weeks ago, it wasn’t to ask me when I’d be available to be recorded, it was to announce that they’d finished the filming and I could press on this link to see the videos. And, of course, I felt hurt. And relieved. And disappointed, and angry, and confused. For some reason I can’t have only one clear feeling at a time. It’s exhausting.
I’d been gradually working through my ideas for what to say, in essay form, writing up each story to see which ones felt the most important, or the most tolerable to tell. Should I talk about being an unmarried, childless, disabled woman in a synagogue where young, wealthy families are the most coveted demographic? Or about the ways the synagogue has helped me to grow and to try out new roles and ideas in a safe place? Or should I talk about teaching in the synagogue school, or about learning with the clergy, or about how it was the older members of the congregation who embraced me from the beginning and it’s been so painful to watch them dying off or receding into nursing homes, or zoom? Or should I focus on the joy of the music and the consistent comfort of Friday night services, or about the frustration and disappointment I felt when it was the women in the synagogue who most rejected and dismissed the Me-Too movement, despite my efforts to let them know that I was a survivor of sexual abuse and needed their support?
I had a lot to say. And a lot of fear of saying it on camera, and being seen, or being edited out, so I guess I’m relieved to be able to put it off.
And, really, it’s possible that they decided to just go with the people who were ready to film right away and forgot to tell me that they wouldn’t need me. Or maybe they’re planning to do a second group later on, and assumed I’d figure that out, or that I’d been told. I don’t know. This oral history project is clearly still a work in progress, which is something I can relate to. In the meantime, I’m still working on my essay version of what I’d want to say in the video, cutting and adding and organizing, so that, just in case they still want to hear from me, I’ll be ready with something to say.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my Young Adult novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
It’s not fair to not inform you whatever they had decided
I’m hoping it was an oversight.
Hopefully 🤞🏼
I do hope the Synagogue is planning another round of interviews. The story of a religious group is one that continues and deepens with each generation. You have plenty of valuable experiences to share with them.
I hope so too. Thank you!
Wow, Rachel, your many perspectives on your intimate relationship with your synagogue are varied and meaningful. I’m so glad you will continue to write out these thoughts and themes. Each one has its own richness.
Thank you so much!
Hmmm…wonder why they didn’t tell you sooner. anyway keep on with wriitng your essays of what you would say. They may ask again and you will be ready!!
I hope so! Thank you!
For whatever reason, someone dropped the ball, but if they contact you, at least you’re ready, Rachel. And being ready is the hardest part. You are one step ahead of the game.
Thank you!
Definitely keep preparing your stories. Even if they never contact you, these are stories worth telling. But I think it was pretty piss poor of them to just be like, “OK, we’re done now!”
I’m hoping it was an oversight, but thank you for being angry on my behalf. I really appreciate it.
I would have assume an oversight … either way keep writing your wonderful ideas and narratives. They are Amazing 🤩
Thank you so much!
Be bold! Ask if they are still filming!! And find a way to share your story. And yes, I would be hurt too!
I will try. Thank you!
I doubt that many of the interviewees put as much thought into this as you did. They definitely missed an opportunity!
Thank you! Though the interviews I saw were really thoughtful. I just want to add my point of view to the story.
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div dir=”ltr”>You might want to ask directly about this. The link they sent out was only about maybe 8 people—just the first group who had done it and whose videos they had edited. It’s not the who
I can’t wait to see your video!
I thinl everything you said here should be said, it is all incredbly poignant like your veiled memoir novel is. You my friend truly deserve a voice, even if it is not within the demographic. To me you are a warrior, a survivor.
Thank you so much!
Your voice should be heard. Sorry for what you have been through.
Thank you!
They should read your essay version. It is important and will be well written. Don’t spend energy speculating about why they did what they did.
Thank you!
Keep doing it, even if its just for you ❤
I will! Thank you!
Whatever, you’ll be ready next time they ask.
I will. Thank you!
😎
Yes, I do believe you tend to overthink things. Better, though, than me, who tends to underthink things,LOL!
Oy!
It sounds like an ongoing project and this was the first phase.
I hope so.
Your voice should be heard. Contact the people in charge and tell them you’d still like to participate! Oral histories are our way of preserving what has been real for every person. Sometimes they get a bit messy with the editing, but try to see if there will be a follow up – or better still, ask for your essay to be published in the synagogue newsletter, unless of course you don’t have one. Then publish your essay here!
Thank you so much!
I have learned to find out what’s really going on before I waste too much energy getting upset. I hope they are planning to do another round of interviews. You have valuable things to say.
Thank you!
Maybe it is time to create your own podcast and tell the stories.
Oh boy, I don’t think I’m up to that yet. But thank you for your confidence in me!
Did the original request mention a deadline? Do you think they asked more people than they needed because they expected only a certain percentage would respond? Either way, I’d reach out and ask if you can still participate. If there’s going to be a part two. Sorry you’re disappointed .
Thank you!
We all have some story to tell and considering the work you have done over the years I would imagine that your story would make an excellent addition to their history. I think not informing you of what was happening was quite rude. However, I also think you should contact them and ask what is happening, why you were not contacted and if you can still participate, perhaps, in a follow-up.
I will try. Thank you!
Save all your current notes, Rachel, in the event of a future session. You’ve had a lot on your plate– so maybe you really needed a break from this project.
Art
I really did. Thank you!
All those feelings are exhausting! Thankfully, you have your doggie family to give you comfort.
True!
At least I don’t feel so alone. My WHOLE life has been like this. Consistent misunderstandings. People saying one thing, and I believe them, then doing something else as if they hadn’t said anything to me and I wasn’t even there. Huh? Sometimes I really can’t understand people. So I’ve stopped. trying to. 😀
I’m so sorry to hear that!
I am so sorry. But don’t feel badly. They missed a blessing. You are that blessing they missed.
Thank you!
I hope you finally get to say your thoughts. They should be heard.
Thank you!
You’re welcome.