She doesn’t love me, yet. I remember this feeling from when Ellie first came home, worried that she would never love me and I would never love her. I’m also having flashbacks to the night Ellie died, when she was struggling to breathe and asked to be put down on the floor, and so I did as she asked, and the next time I saw her she was dead. I worry that the new baby could be sick in some unforeseen way, and that I will wake up in the morning to find her dead. In a way, I think I’m feeling the parts of the grief I couldn’t stand feeling before. It’s not really a coincidence, but more of a blessing, that “someone” arrived a few days before the year anniversary (the Yahrzeit) of Ellie’s death.
“Someone” is a four-year-old Havanese, former breeding mama, just like Ellie, though with her black and white coloring, she doesn’t remind me of Ellie too much, thank God. She hasn’t barked at all yet, and for the first few days the only thing I could see in her eyes was fear. But as time has passed, I’ve seen more and more curiosity. She’s eating well, and pooping in all the wrong places, but they are healthy poops. She spends most of her time sleeping, as if she is beyond exhausted and needs to fill up a tank that has never really been filled before.
Two weeks before we adopted her, she was driven up from a puppy mill in Missouri that had decided to “retire” a bunch of mamma dogs (I assume all of the puppies had already been sold). Mom had been calling the shelter (North Shore Animal League America, of Late Show with Stephen Colbert fame) for months, and then daily since news of the rescue of the little dogs. On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, Mom was told that the dogs wouldn’t be ready for adoption until after Thanksgiving, but by Wednesday, adoption day was scheduled for Friday morning at ten (technically after Thanksgiving, but just barely). My brother and one of my nephews came along with us, because it was the only time they could come for a Thanksgiving visit, and because, you know, dogs. We weren’t the first ones online, but we weren’t the last either. For our entertainment, or just because, the shelter workers kept walking past the line of potential adopters with different dogs, including two Shiba Inu puppies who seemed to be dancing and doing a comedy act. At some point, one of the shelter workers came out to tell us to make two lines, one for dogs and one for cats, and no one moved. We were clearly all there waiting for the small dogs, and I was convinced that there would be no dogs left by the time we got inside.
But thankfully, I was wrong.
The way the shelter is set up, you have to walk through the long hallway of big dogs in order to get to the small dogs, in the hopes that someone will fall in love along the way and forget that they live in an apartment.
When we got to the small dog room, the first dog I noticed was a ten-year-old miniature poodle who was standing on her back legs and demanding attention from everyone who walked by. The dogs were kept in little glass-fronted apartments, with description cards on each door describing the dog or dogs inside: age, breed, gender, health issues, and any specifications (good with kids, needs to be with other dogs, needs to be an only dog, etc.). There were already a bunch of adorable little dogs being held by various humans, seemingly claimed. Then we saw the two Shiba Inu puppies, playing and laughing together, and my nephew said he’d want one of them, if only he wasn’t still living in a college dorm. The two five-month-old Shiba Inu brothers were the exception, though, because most of the dogs were former breeding mamas, from age four to age twelve (I can’t even fathom why a puppy mill still had a twelve-year-old breeding dog). I felt dizzy and overwhelmed by the noise and chaos, but then I saw a six-year-old apricot and white miniature poodle, who looked way too much like Cricket for my comfort, and just behind her, in the same little apartment, was a black and white Havanese. The card said she was four years old and that her name was “Bandita.” Both of the dogs were sleeping, but I asked to see “Bandita” anyway.
The reason for her name became clear right away, with her raccoon-like eye markings, and she looked terrified, but as soon as she was in my arms I was not willing to give her back. I was still curious about the other dogs in the room, of course, and started wondering if I could adopt two or three dogs at once, or if that would be selfish, given all of the other people still waiting in line. It took me just a minute or two to get the volunteer’s attention and tell her that we had chosen our new dog.
And then came the paperwork. They had to take “Bandita” from me and put her in another room, so she wouldn’t be claimed by anyone else, and then we waited on line and were given a three-page form to fill out in pencil, and then we waited on line again to review it all with one of the shelter workers, in pen. They needed names and phone numbers for three references, and our vet, and the manager of the co-op where we live. They also wanted information about our previous dogs: health, training habits, living conditions, etc. The shelter worker passed over the fenced-in yard requirement quickly, thank God, and told us that at four years old, “Bandita” qualified for the same senior to senior program under which we’d adopted Butterfly ten years earlier, which meant that the already low adoption fee would be reduced again, down to $25, and any health care provided by the clinic at the shelter would be subsidized. And then we were sent away while they checked through all of our information, in order to decide if we were qualified to adopt a puppy mill survivor.
We sat at home for two hours waiting for the phone call, trying to distract ourselves, worried they’d find a reason to deny the adoption. In the meantime, I started thinking about names. I had promised myself I would give our next dog a Hebrew name, and my first thought was Tikvah, which means “hope.” But I was worried that calling her “hope” would put too much weight on her tiny shoulders, so I started researching Hebrew girl names: Aviva (spring), Ilana (young tree), Tzipporah (bird), Shir (song or poem), Yaffa (beautiful), Yofi (beauty), Dvash (honey), Rina (singing and joy), Osher (happiness), Adina (gentle), Dafna, Dahlia, Tiferet, Hadassah, and on and on.
When we finally got the call that “Bandita” was ours, I was thrilled! I didn’t expect to be so happy. I thought I would only feel relieved, or even trepidatious, but I was giddy. It was puppy time!!!
When we got back to the shelter, all of the parking spots within six blocks were taken by other potential adopters, so I dropped Mom at the front door and drove up the hill to find a spot on a side street.
While I was parking, Mom signed us up for pet insurance that would cover 80% of her health care, no matter where we chose to take her, and by the time I arrived it was time to read and sign a ton more paperwork, and visit with the vet tech to make sure we understood her health situation (spayed, still has a small scar, had a dental and would need one every year, would need two more vaccinations in two weeks), and then we were loaded up with gifts from the shelter’s corporate sponsors (a Swiffer wet jet, a bag of Rachel Rae dog food, and a dog toy from Subaru and one from a coffee company I didn’t recognize).
There was so much to carry that I left Mom with the baby, to take an adoption picture and buy some wet dog food, while I dragged all of the loot back to the car. Mom and puppy were waiting for me when I returned, and then they were safely ensconced next to the Swiffer box in the back seat, and we made our way home.
The first person we met in the back yard at the co-op was Kevin, the mini-goldendoodle who loved (and was very much loved by) Cricket, and he was very enthusiastic about sniffing the new dog and telling her all the news. She was, of course, terrified, of him, and of the grass, and of the leash, and of me, but she made a point of sniffing Kevin’s butt anyway.
As soon as we got into the apartment, I sat down on the couch, still wearing my winter jacket, and held her on my chest for the next few hours, afraid to move. When I finally put her down on the floor (because I really had to go to the bathroom), she ran for the smallest hiding spot she could find, which turned out to be Mom’s garden kneeler, which was sitting on its side in a corner of the dining room. She peeked out from behind the bench of the kneeler and then curled up behind it, using it as a shield.
We’d thought we still had a pet gate in storage, and had planned to put her and her food and bed and wee wee pad in the kitchen, but without the pet gate we couldn’t reinforce the boundary, so even though she started her first night in her bed in the kitchen, she quickly found her way down the hall to a little round rug on Grandma’s bedroom floor, where she spent the rest of the first night.
Without the pet gate, trying to explain to her where to pee and poop has been difficult (or impossible), but she’s been making progress anyway. We take her outside a few times a day, even though she has no idea what to do out there and just sits on the grass, waiting to be picked up and brought back inside.
By Sunday morning, we’d narrowed the name choices down to Tzipporah, Tikvah and Shir (or Shira or Shiri), but I still couldn’t quite figure out who she was, and I was afraid of getting her name wrong, forever and ever amen.
By Monday afternoon, she wasn’t shaking anymore, though she was still skittish when the humans came too close. Pretty quickly, she found the two dog beds, filled with Cricket and Ellie’s toys and blankets, and spent many hours making herself cozy in the midst of her sisters’ smells. We set up a cushion and blanket for her in my room., so she could feel safe and welcome there too, and she was beginning to venture further into the corners of the apartment, examining all of the smells and sounds and textures of her new world. She was starting to stretch out and try different sleeping spots and positions, instead of always being curled in a ball on the round rug in Mom’s room. She even started to look at us, and to continue eating while we were in the room. By then, I had narrowed the choices to Tikvah and Tzipporah. I was leaning more towards Tzipporah (bird), because the sound of it seemed to fit her, and because I could already see her yearning to fly. But I was still holding onto the idea of “hope,” for myself, and wasn’t quite ready to let it go.
By midweek, when we lit the (vanilla scented) candle for Ellie’s Yahrzeit, and sat with that grief again, something had shifted inside of me and I decided that I was ready to let go of my expectations, and hopes, and “someone” finally became Tzipporah (Tzippy for short).
Her fears are still prominent. She had an encounter with the vacuum cleaner the other day, a previously unknown evil, that sent her back to bed for half a day. She refused to crawl out from under her blankets for anything, even dinner. But we can already see a glimmer of her adventurous spirit hidden underneath the fear. Step by step, chicken treat by chicken treat, I hope that she will eventually decide that she was adopted by the right family, and she’ll discover that good things really are possible, especially love.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
Congrats on the new pup!
Keep in mind the rules of 3 for adopting…
3-day rule: This is the initial decompression period, where the dog relaxes. 3-week rule: This is when the dog learns the routines of the household. 3-month rule: This is when the dog starts to feel comfortable and relaxed in the home.
Lots of treats to reward the behaviors you want, lots of patience and consistency, and she’ll be great!
Thank you!
Good to see the new addition to your family.
Thank you!
She is adorable! And in those little striped PJ’s…well, she is just too cute. I think she will figure out pretty quickly that she has won the lottery being with you and your mom. Cheers all around, Rachel! Welcome home, little Tzippy!
Thank you!
That is wonderful wonderful news and she is gorgeous!
Meriel Snaffles and Skittles
Sent from Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg
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I’m so happy for you and your mom, Rachel. Little Tzippy will settle in with all the love and patience you two provide for your rescues. She’s known none of that so far in her life, and in time her fear and anxiety will become joy and excitement. Cheers to you all! 🐾
Thank you!
She is so precious! Thank you for rescuing this precious baby!Sent from my iPhone
I feel very lucky to have found her!
she is so tiny. but I see trust in her eyes. Congratulations!
Thank you! She’s ten pounds, nine ounces, but the way she’s eating…
She looks adorable. I am very happy that you have a new dog at last, and I do hope the adoption proceeds well.
Jennifer Website and blog: https://www.jenniferbarraclough.com
Thank you!
I see a bit of coyness in Tzippy’s face. She looks like she should be on TV.
She does seem to have some star quality and an adventurous spirit. I’ll just have to follow her around with the camera and see where she leads.
She is very, very cute. 😊 Congratulations on the new family member.
Thank you!
I couldn’t be happier for you, or for little Tzippy. I hope you’ll continue to share experiences as she settles in and lets her full personality shine. 💕
Thank you!
Congratulations! I’m sure Tzippy will be very happy with her new family soon! Such a sweet face!
Thank you!
I am so happy for you. Dogs are awesome and help with the grieving process!
Thank you!
Adorable. And she found a Lambchop. That’s their secret leader you know. Luck and love to while family!
Thank you!
She’s found a wonderful home, she just needs some time – congratulations!
Thank you!
I hope that she will soon feel comfortable enough to let you hug her. (Then give her a hug from us too!) ❤️
Thank you!
Congratulations!!!
Thank you!
Mazel tov on the new addition to the family!
Hi Tzippy! I think as you relax you’re gonna find yourself surrounded by a loving family.
This: “The way the shelter is set up, you have to walk through the long hallway of big dogs in order to get to the small dogs” really got to me. Years ago I used to go to the humane society every few weeks to visit the sdult dogs up for adoption. I couldn’t bring anyone home, but I still felt good visiting. Eventually the sadness and fear and desperation.in that hallway of cages got to me and I had to stop going.
It’s overwhelming, but at least this shelter is a no kill shelter with lots of volunteers coming in to walk all the dogs. But the temptation to buy a farm and adopt them all is very strong.
She’s one lucky dog and I’m sure she’ll soon appreciate that and feel at home.
Thank you!
omg! I’m so happy for your family!!! Loved this story and can’t wait to hear more about Tzipporah– she has no idea that she just won the dog lottery! may she find peace in your home and all the RIGHT places to poop!
Thank you!!!!
Such a cutie!
Welcome home Tzippy! 🙂
Thank you!
Oh Rachel, she’s absolutely adorable and her name fits that precious face. Sending blessings to you, your Mom and the new ‘baby.’
Thank you!
Tzipporah looks just like her spotted plushie.
She will quickly realize she is loved and part of a new clan!
Health and blessings, family!!!
Thank you!
What a beautiful welcome home story! Tzippy is a perfect name 💟 even though my autocorrect doesn’t recognize it. Mazel tov, she’s beautiful and I’m sure she loves you too!
I remember the two hour drive home when I got Charlie. He was only 8 weeks old and I wasn’t driving but I held him and he slept most of the ride. We stopped to pick up supplies and for him to go potty but by the time we were home I felt like we had bonded. He had never been away from his siblings and he only had one left when I got him. It’s amazing how they adjust. ❤️
Thank you!
I’m so happy for you and your mom, Rachel. What an adorable pup! She looks a lot like our Oscar (a Yorki-Poo, but his brother is a Havashire), whom we adopted after losing our beloved Charlie. Life goes on, and all of God’s animals need our love. Congratulations! 🐶 You’re honoring Ellie and Cricket and all other dogs in your life.
Thank you!
Welcome Tzippy!!
Thank you!
Congratulations on your new family member. I am so happy for you and your mom to have this new little sweetie in your lives. She will come around quickly and you will be sharing your wonderful dog tales with us again. I am sure all your past dogs are smiling on you for moving forward into this new relationship,
I hope so! It would be nice to think they are all still connected to home.
Xena: Welcome, Tzippy. My Mommy is siting here crying because she’s so happy you and Miss Rachel found each other and you have a wonderful furever home now, and also for the terrible life you’ve had as a breeding dog. *wags* We all love you already! *bows* Wanna play?
And…we honor Miss Ellie on her Yahrzeit.
I hope that Tzipporah learns about the joys of play. She’s already curious about her toys, how they squeak and how they smell. But it’s all new and overwhelming. I think she’d love Xena and Lucy, and even Chia, as long as no toys come unstuffed.
LOL! Unfortunately, they might teach her how to do that! Riley taught Lucy, but Lucy never liked unstuffing toys (except once with her bestie, Ella).
New dogs never replace what you felt for previous ones, but they bring a love and happiness of their own brand. Lovely dog, Rachel. I know you will love her and she’ll make you happy. Such a cute little pup!
Thank you!
Tzippy is gorgeous. She will soon come to know she’s safe and loved, it will just take a little time as everything is new to her. Being able to smell Ellie and Cricket will also give her confidence that she’s in a good place. I am so pleased for all of you.
Thank you! She was especially interesting in Cricket’s platypus, a toy she had since her own puppyhood.
Ah…………comfort already.
I love this so much and I’m happy to see you sharing your life with this new baby. Thank you for rescuing! I’ve wanted a Havanese for years, but the timing is never quite right. Looking forward to seeing this play out.
Thank you!
Awww Rachel she is adorable. Some dogs take time to adjust. Ya’ll are loving people, I’m sure she’ll adapt soon enough.
Thank you!
Congratulations, Rachel!
Thank you!
I’m so glad you can give this poor wee dog a loving home. The smells of your other dogs will be a help to settle her in.
I hope so! Thank you!
Mazal Tov! She is adorable.
Thank you!
Brava, Rachel! Just Brava!
Thank you!
Congratulations on the new family member! I am sure Tzippy has found a good home. ❤
Thank you!
Oh my gosh! Tzippy is so adorable! She is coming out of her shell, maybe even will be mischievous! I am so happy for you and your Mom. Mazal tov!
Thank you!
Welcome Tzippy! The sweetest part of her homecoming story is the comfort she found in the “presence” of Cricket and Ellie in their beds. It was as if they were telling her, “You are home now, and you’ll be well loved.”
I hope she believes her sisters. Thank you!
So pleased to meet you, Miss Tzipporah! And I love her panda eyes 😅🫶🏻
Thank you!
I am so very happy for you guys! What a lovely story for all of you!!!
Thank you!
Aw, what a cutie!
She really is!
Dogs that come from hoarders or puppy mills have virtually no experience with positive human contact. (Or any human contact, other than someone filling their food or water dish occasionally.) It will take her a long time to get used to her new environment, and before you see her true personality. I’m so glad you recognize that and are willing to give her the time she needs. Too many people don’t…they rush to adopt a cute little rescue dog, and give up after a few days when the dog doesn’t act they way they’d hoped. And I’m even more glad that Tzippy’s found the home she deserves!!!
Tzipporah is much more openly frightened than either Butterfly or Ellie ever were, though Butterfly would blank out, so she was probably beyond terror by the time we got her. She has found some safe spaces for herself, though, so even when she gets scared she knows to go back to her bed until she feels better.
That’s wonderful, and a big step in the right direction. Safe spaces are so important!
Huge hugs and love to the gorgeous Miss Tzippy who won the lottery when she won the hearts of you and your mom. Blessings to you all for now and forever, amen.
Thank you so much!
Welcome Tzippy. What a lovely little face. Congratulations.
Thank you!
So happy for you all!
Thank you!
Well Tzipporah, we suspect you may well have worked this out by now but you’re a very lucky girl!
Thank you!
Congrats on the new pup, Rachel! Thank you for giving Tzippy a wonderful forever home!
Thank you!
Cuuuuuutie!!! A lucky dog indeed to have found you. I hate puppy mills and Missouri seems to be one focal point. I’m glad Tzippy will have a good life now. Do you pronounce the T?
Thank you! The TZ (or TS) sound in Hebrew is like the TS at the end of “boats.”
congratulations on your new puppy! She is so cute. I’m glad you found each other
Thank you!