A new pattern has emerged. Some time in the middle of the night, for three nights now, I have woken up to a plaintive cry. Each time, I have gone to look for Tzipporah, assuming the cry was hers, and found her standing in the middle of the living room, surrounded by stuffies, silent. I guess it’s possible that the cries have been coming from outside, from another animal, or even a person, but most likely it is from Tzipporah. The strange thing is that it is just one cry and that’s it, there’s no long sequence of cries, and no obvious behavior to go along with the cry.
Tzipporah’s four years at the puppy mill are a mystery to me, but her terror gives me clues. Inside the apartment she has found safe spaces: she likes to switch from one dog bed to the other after a few hours, and then take a nap on the rug in Mom’s room, or on the cushion in my room, for variety; and she will let me pick up her whole bed and bring her into the kitchen at night, though she refuses to stay there; and she even lets me put her leash on and pick her up to take her outside, but once we’re outside she sits on the grass and shivers (even wearing a sweater), and when I try to pick her back up she pulls and jerks at the leash, bucking this way and that like a tiny unbroken horse.
Despite all of this, Tzipporah seems to be progressing. She stretches out in her bed, and she even rolled onto her back a few times while I was in the room. She accepts food (chicken and peanut butter so far) directly from our hands, sometimes, and she makes eye contact much more than when she first came home. She doesn’t know how to play yet, but when I press on the belly of one of her stuffies and it squeaks, or barks, she listens carefully and leans in to sniff.
But in two weeks, those ghost-like cries – as if she is just now testing her voice and is still afraid to be heard for long – are the only sounds she’s made.
I know that she has started to heal, and that her life will continue to improve as she learns that she is safe now, but I don’t know what’s behind her bone deep fear, and I don’t know if it will ever go away. There’s something deeply healing, for me, in bringing home these special dogs and helping them find their way out of the darkness; but there is also, maybe, too much resonance in the realization that some hurts may never fully heal.
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rachelmankowitz 
That certainly is puzzling and abnormal. Hopefully, with your TLC, she will find some healing.
Thank you!
We all come with secrets. She seems to be adapting, finding the places that feel safe.As the comfort moves in her fear will move out. There’s room for only so much feeling and as long as you keep pouring love in, it will displace the haunting memories. (She is a cutie.)
I love that idea!
Thank you!
Keep give her love. She’ll come around.
Also, she may be crying in her sleep. As we know, bad dreams can take a long time to overwrite.
Absolutely!
It sounds as if Tzipporah is a rescue dog. I’ve never owned one, but know other people who have. Her behavior sounds like dog version of PTSD.
One thing that works with the people I know is to do a dog version of Reiki.
IT might take time for Tzipporah to allow that.
Claude
Yes, I think it would scare her at this point. She’s appreciating that she can run away, and choose not to be touched at this point. I think this period of distancing herself is helping her rebuild her sense of safety.
It takes time to develop that sense of trust. I perceive you as having the patience needed. BY being very attentive to the details of body distancing,
you’ll be able to tell how you’re progressing. Years ago I worked part time as an Equine Therapist, and sometimes dealt with horses having behavioral issues, likely from abuse. I was able to get these horses to allow me to give them a type of Reiki. A big factor was my temperament, which is almost always calm
Claude
It may take some time but she’ll soon learn to trust you and know she is safe.
I hope so!
dogs are a lot like we are. She is a beautiful puppy.
They all have their own stories. Thank you!
Kindness is so new to her, I am guessing. Rachel, she is in such a better place with you and your mom. I wish all our little ones came with a back story…or maybe it’s better if we do not know and just give them all the love we have anyway.
Thank you! It’s hard to accept that I can scare her, unintentionally, because I don’t know what her triggers will be. But I know, and she will figure out, that these mistakes are unintentional.
I am happy for her (your puppy) that she has found a good home and family. It is always great to find your happy place and things you like.
Thank you!
That little dog has landed well. If only they could talk; I’ve handled dogs with fear from trauma often in my career of pet boarding. Your patience and love will see Tzipporah through. 🐾🥰🐾
I hope so! Thank you!
What a wonderful gift you are giving this little dog, love and security. 💕
Thank you!
That is an odd position to eat in. You have a mystery here. I see you as a real heroine for these pups. Your observations serve you well in figuring out how to help them. Keep up the good work.
Thank you!
I must have missed the post where you got a new dog but am so happy for you and the dog (s?)! The love will overtake the fear once she realizes she is safe. I brought Milo home last year to join Zoe and he was a rescue from California whose parent was arrested. I don’t know the story because is was not available for me to know. I do know that he was scared and felt close to his foster rescuer. He tried to run away in the airport. He has been with us for a year now and he is so content and happy but if there is ever a loud bang noise, he jumps out of his skin. I will continue to make him feel safe and coddle him; that is the least we can do. Cheers!
Milo is such a lucky dog!
Such a beautiful little lady. I know you are giving her just the right encouragement and environment. My heart goes out to her and to you and your mom. Bless you all.
Thank you!
Your sweet fur-baby is a lot like an onion at this point…the layers will peel away to find the little dog in her. With time, she’ll blossom. Puppy mill survivors are extra special once you can get through all those layers. ❤️🩹
So true!
Given your loving care, with time she will progress.
I hope so!
Four years in a puppy mill, that is so sad. I am happy that Tzipporah has a good home now.
Thank you!
You are a blessing to this dog. Maybe she dealt with death & isolation. Idk maybe dogs were kept silent by any means necessary. I don’t think you should try to analyze just continue to work.on rehabbing her. 💜
We’re doing our best! Thank you!
It’s great that you’re seeing such positive signs of her progress. Perhaps she wakes with a start and then realizes she’s now in a safe place. I hope she’s not training YOU to check in on her during the wee hours!
I expect she’s going to train me to do quite a lot of things over time. These dogs are much smarter than me.
We, too, have a PTSD dog. She was well fed when we adopted her. But had clearly been disciplined far too strictly and far too early. We thought for awhile that she might be mute. Thankfully, w/ love she found her voice. She, also, learned to beg scraps from the table — something she didn’t originally do (LOL). Despite that she will still occasionally cringe, when we approach her suddenly.
It sounds as if things are going very well w/ Tzippy. Be patient and kind. She will undoubtedly respond. ❤
Thank you!
I’m quite certain that with you and your Mom’s patience and love and understanding, Tzipporah will heal as much as is possible. You are good at this. Our Lucy still retains poor self-esteem and fear of sudden movements, even after being with us for 8 years. I’m very glad, though, that she’s no longer terrified of men, and, for the most part, is happy and greets strangers with a big smile and big wags.
Miss Lucy is one of my role models! She has such a sweet heart and has found a wonderful life for herself.
I’ll let Lucy know. It will make her feel good. (Oh, and when pushed too far -usually by Chia – she knows how to say Stop!)
Cuuuutie! 👏👏👏
Oh bless her Rachel. She’s finding her own way ❤
She is!
Treats by proxy ❤
It must be very sad to hear her crying in the night and to imagine the abuse she must have undergone. But she’s in a safe space now and has someone who loves her.
Thank you!
Our little ‘Beau’, a rescue, took some years before he felt at ease and comfortable. The best we can do is just be there and love them. I know that this little cherub of yours will be getting plenty of that.
Thank you!
Such a mitzvah – you and your mom’s love and empathy are the right medicine for Tzipporah, and I look forward to reading about her progress – V
Thank you!
It takes time and you have the love and patience to give!
Thank you!
She will probably never behave exactly as most other dogs do, but I’m betting her progress will continue. You did a wonderful thing giving her the first real home she’s ever had!
Thank you!
Tzipporah has such a tentative and sweet countenance. I hope she’ll continue to feel more comfortable and confident as time passes.
Me too! Thank you!
I really liked listening to the Puppy Training Podcast (free) whenever I would feel despairing in our rescue dog’s progress. She has a very positive teacher tone that reminds you things get better, and not to get down if you feel like you’re not making progress. It honestly felt closer to 6 months to a year before he started developing a confidence that we could predict and accommodate for his anxieties (while exposing him to as many environments as possible). He was hoarded, and it shows. But it’s 1.5 years now, and we’re very happy with him. Never give up!
Thank you!
Poor girl. So happy you have her to love.
Thank you!