I have been coloring a lot lately. In coloring books. They are “adult” coloring books, so the designs are more complicated and intricate than my old Little Mermaid coloring books, but I’m struggling to stay within the lines just like I used to as a kid, and I feel silly for needing to do this instead of creating something of my own from scratch. I used to knit and crochet as a way to calm down, but I haven’t had the mental energy to focus on a project like that. When I received a handful of gift cards for Chanukah, from my students, I decided to buy coloring books and markers, as a way to de-stress. And they worked. I’ve always needed distractions like this to help with anxiety, but since the presidential election in the United States, and then even more so since the inauguration of our current president, the anxiety in the air and the onslaught of news each day has been overwhelming me.
I haven’t been writing much about our current political climate, in the United States, in Israel, or in the world at large, because there’s too much to process each day, even each hour sometimes, and I feel like I have nothing to add that hasn’t been said a hundred times already. I’m frightened, and overwhelmed, and feeling helpless, and all of the suggestions for how to take action have overwhelmed me even more, because they assume I have resources (like energy and money) that I don’t have.
So, I color. I’m on my third coloring book, and I’ve graduated from simple markers to gel pens in every shade. I started with pictures of animals in general, then birds in particular, and then I moved on to abstract designs. I’ve also been watching tons of Hallmark and Hallmark-like movies on YouTube, and the combination of the movies and the coloring have been helping, somewhat.
I’m still writing and teaching and going to my Hebrew classes and taking care of Tzipporah and going to doctors’ appointments and listening to podcasts and Israeli music and forcing myself to watch and read the news, but I’m depending more and more on my hours of coloring each day to help me organize my brain, following the lines someone else has created and trying to figure out which colors will make the patterns become clear to me.
I wish I was up to doing something more. I wish I could get more writing done each day, or knit a few sweaters, or go out into the streets, or just fix the world snip snap, but this seems to be what I can do for now. It feels selfish to spend money on pens and coloring books instead of sending that money to various organizations supporting reproductive rights or immigrants’ rights or children in Ukraine, but I can’t help anyone else when I feel so lost. I wake up feeling like everything is out of control and the world is breaking apart like pieces in a kaleidoscope, and then I turn on a Hallmark movie and open a coloring book and I feel a little bit more together and a little bit more capable of doing the things I need to do.
I don’t know how everyone else is coping. Maybe there are even people who don’t feel stressed at all by the current state of affairs, though I don’t know them. People keep telling me that we just have to survive through the next four years, but I don’t have confidence that I will survive four years of this, or that this will only last four years, and that level of fear makes it hard to plan ahead. If the rules change every day, and I have no idea what the new rules will be, it’s hard to believe that I will ever be able to play the game. I remember this feeling from my childhood, where the only way my father could feel safe and secure was if he pulled the rug out from underneath me, or someone else. His security and mine existed on a seesaw, and that’s how it feels with our current president, that the things that make him feel better will inevitably make me feel worse.
I wish I could fix this, or go back in time to prevent it somehow, or create a world of my own that I could crawl into and avoid the news completely, but I don’t know how to do any of those things. So, I color, and I get by, and that’s the best I can do, for now.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
Those are some intricate pieces Rachel. Nicely done. I think your coping mechanism is perfect. As to the current political situation, if it were a movie, it would be Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. Not sure how any of this was ever permitted. Have a good evening. Allan
Thank you!
you are manifesting beauty into this world, & that is a sacred action, blessing all weary hearts. never underestimate the power of color, art, & music. it is a healing balm much needed at this time!❤️
All of the color and order really helps me. Thank you!
Love your coloring. If it helps, keep it up. I too am having difficulty coping with all the chaos. I need to keep reminding myself to picture kittens, puppies, horses, and flowers.
Thank you! I’ve always thought puppies had the right idea, sleeping in a pile and taking as much comfort as possible from their friends.
Your bird pictures are fantastic. You chose a very good stress reliever. I must mention that my sister loves adult coloring books, too. She colored a blue jay and framed it as my birthday present two years ago.
Thank you! I love that!
I think you have chosen a prefect way of centring yourself that works for you and your pieces are beautiful. A lot of us are feeling the way you are.
It’s amazing how color can lift your mood, even when reality is demoralizing. The brain is a fascinating thing!
those are beautiful. And ordered. It gives me peace just looking at them.
Your coloring projects are beautiful and taking care of Tzipporah is a wonderful, beautiful thing. You also bring something special to your readers every time you write and post. Those are all important. I am feeling much the way you are about our country. It is a comfort to know we are not alone in our sorrows. Please keep doing all the things that have meaning to you. They matter.
Thank you so much!
Thank you! I’ve definitely been looking for order lately. I don’t do well with chaos at all.
Adult coloring books are great! I had a couple some time ago, and I used colored pencils to color. I might have to start coloring again.
I tried using pencils, but I got too impatient and made holes in the paper. The gel pens make it so I don’t have to press too hard, which is good for my wrists, and my mood too.
I like coloring, too, although mine do not look nearly as good. Hang in there. I know how you feel.
A lot depends on the coloring books and there are so many to choose from now. I guess that means we’re all freaking out at the same time.
We do what we have to do to survive. I feel like you do but not quite clever enough for coloring books. They’re lovely works!
No retreat. No surrender.
It keeps getting scarier, though. I’m still at a loss for why anyone voted for this.
Yes. Agreed.
Lovely…
Thank you!
Love this
Thank you!
During the peak of COVID-19, my mother and my daughters took up colouring in. It was so impressive. I can appreciate why you’re doing it now.
It’s amazing how calming it can be. The only problem is that it makes time pass so quickly that I lose track of my to-do list, sometimes.
they are beautiful..
Thank you!
Keep the focus on your colouring and your own patch of the Earth. None of us can “fix” the bigger picture and all the chaos in the world but we can sure affect our tiny space in it by looking for the little joys. Your colouring and crafts is a great example of that. Sending love and warmest wishes ❤️
Thank you!
Those are nice drawings. I have some old, as yet unused, colouringbooks that I may get out.I agree that these are stressful times. As the saying goes, I am caught between wanting to be informed and keeping my sanity.
I’m trying to limit the amount of time spent on the news each day, but then I’ll see a headline on my phone and the hours of calm are just erased. Oy.
I know what you mean. It is important stuff. Trying to remember to “Let go and let God.”
Think of this time in terms of an airline flight where they tell you to take care of yourself first so you can then help those around you.
I have another friend who is very stressed by current events. I remind her that she is not in control of the worlds. Everything going on is just background – like the setting for a novel. The real story isn’t WWII, it is the relationships between the characters. No matter what goes on in the background, your job is to love and help those around you. And you are already doing a fantastic job of that!
I love that way of looking at it! Thank you!
❤️
We are all just doing what we can to maintain our sanity. I am taking more dance classes – 6 mornings each week! And I try to get out on the trail with the dogs as many days as I can 4 – 6. As the weather gets better, it’s easier so my coping strategies are to not sit still.
I love your pictures! They’re really beautiful!
Wow! Dance classes sound like a great idea. I wonder if I could get Tzipporah to dance with me.
Rachel, you totally could! You could either carry her around which would be extra exercise for your arms (how much does she weight?) or get her to dance on the floor while you dance too! Either way it is a lot of fun. Sometimes I dance with Charlie, but I can’t pick him up because’s BIG.
Tzipporah is ten or eleven pounds at this point and has no interest in doing what I say, so I’d probably have to carry her. I used to dance with Cricket, way back when. Tango and Waltz were our favorites.
Beautiful pictures. I also enjoy coloring but I’ve been drawn to fairy houses lately
Ooh, fairy houses sound lovely!
I choose NOT to watch then news at all. You are inviting all sorts of mayhem into your life when you don’t know what distressing news, pictures and sounds are going to appear. I prefer to read headlines in the BBC News, The Times and the New York Times and then choose which items I will read. I block any distressing or political content from Facebook. Although you may need to know the gist of what is happening in the world, as an individual, you cannot actually change it. You are therefore traumatising yourself, and weakening yourself for no good reason. Your art work is beautiful and I’m glad you fine solace in Hallmark movies. At least we always know it will turn out all right in the end!
I love those happy endings!
Take one day at a time, and please don’t give up on the colouring. My wife also finds it therapeutic, and your designs look great.
Thank you!
I think so many of us are emerging from a kind of stunned state, trying to figure out how to be and what to do. Coloring seems like a very, very productive way of processing to me…and your work is amazing.
Thank you! I wish I felt like I was processing it all, but I’m not. There’s too much each day.
wonderful
Thank you!
The last thing you need to worry about is that you’re spending time and money on your own health. It’s money and time well spent. And the pictures are beautiful. Definitely not Little Mermaid-ish.
We all need some sort of coping mechanism. You’ve found yours. So many are still looking. I try to calm my mind by painting but too often some part of life needs more attention. I may follow your lead and try an adult coloring book. It seems it would be more portable and easier to grab a few minutes of mental solace whenever the need arises..
Keep caring for you. It’s good for you and that makes you good for others!
I am not up to creating my own drawings at all. I much prefer relying on someone else’s talent to help me.
What’s important is to do what you need. You do beautifully following along with someone else.
Excellent creative destresssing activity. An upgrade from paint-by-number kits. We tend to do jigsaw puzzles and read.
I love jigsaw puzzles, but they’re too hard to balance on my lap in front of the TV.
Ah–you need a special puzzle table. Then again I couldn’t puzzle and watch TV–coloring yes, puzzling no.
I definitely need a puzzle table!
I think it depends on how personal the decisions of the assholes running things are to you. Like for me the cost of living has been shitty since his 1st term. But at the moment I am not affected by any of the recent rash of irrational decisions. For Now I am guarded but not afraid. I have to live each day in the present. To me it just feels like the same old same old. Keep coloring as a means of meditation. I mean what can one really do ?
The threat to social security and Medicare are freaking me out, but also the idea that almost anything could be on the chopping block tomorrow. Oy.
I know, I truly feel for you and have multiple friends in your situation. 🙁
Sounds like you found a good way to cope in these dark days, Rachael.
Thank you!
No coloring books, but I have Hallmark Mysteries on the TV right now.
Me too!
We decided to read headlines only, once or twice a day, not more and never in the evening. We go for long walks, sudokus, baking cakes, cooking food, enjoying a glass of wine and focusing on the present. Love your drawings! Being creative helps.
Thank you! I used to love baking, and cake decorating. I should do more of that again.
It’s a way to quiet your brain in a rewarding way. Go for it!
Thank you!
My daughter colors and crochets to relieve her anxiety. It helps her. Also, I have a shoutout for “Yeshiva Girl” in my blog post tomorrow.
Thank you so much!
I love your colouring, especially the mandalas – it’s a wonderful, meditative thing to do. I avoid the news like the plague. I know it makes me ignorant, but I’d rather have my head in the sand than in the shed!
Thank you! One of my fellow teachers used to do Mandalas with the kids and it helped them a lot.
Oh, my goodness, Rachel! Beautiful! You are wonderfully creative and talented! God poured out gifts in you when He created you. May He continue to bless you.
Wow! Thank you so much!
Want less stress. Do what I’ve done since the election. Stop. Listening. To. The. News. It’s a survival technique or me.
I try to limit it, but if I stopped entirely I’d be worried about all of the things I didn’t know about.
Beautiful ! I get it, once wallpapered an entire wall with Mandela colorings while preparing to relocate.
Great idea!
Lovely work, requiring more concentration that I would have (lol).
These are troubling times, Rachel, as you say. There are many things not under control of the ordinary person. We must do what we can for good, and trust that God remains in control, despite the apparent chaos. “The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace” (Ps. 6: 26).
Thank you! Definitely hoping for peace!
Oops. That Bible verse should read Num. 6: 26.
Rachel, You wrote exactly what I’m feeling. What I fear is will it just be for 4 years, or will it be more? The world is a dangerous place right now. I find peace in photography. I’m glad you found coloring.
Thank you! My Mom does photography and quilting and it definitely helps her.
😍
You’re not alone. I tell my son to distract himself by watching movies and getting his mind off recent events so his anxiety doesn’t spiral. I read books and watch tons of tv when my anxiety spikes. Anything to distract myself. Hang in there. Hugs to you from across the internet. We will all get through this somehow.
Thank you! Hugs!
I can truly say I feel you. I’ve found ways too in dealing with my emotions surrounding all the confusion going on right now. It’s just too much. Those coloring book pieces you’ve done look so beautiful. Thank you for sharing them.
Thank you!
The intricacy of your coloring floored me! And the ability to color in the lines with such accuracy is a skill. I tried coloring books for about a minute – that’s how long it calmed me – but it actually stressed me out because I do not have your skill or attention span!
I also feel lost with the state of government and the see-saw daily (hourly? Moment to moment?) changes. I just wrote about how Medicaid may affect my daughter with severe disabilities – Yes, MAY, because who the @#$% knows what it will be….
I loved your blog, and now I will go watch a Netflix show that is on the line with Hallmark!
I’ve tried meditation and it makes me crazy, so coloring and watching a movie, or walking and listening to music are my go-to’s. Best of luck to all of us!
I think your colorings are beautiful and your sharing them is bringing much needed beauty in the world. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through all this either! It’s a time of not what we can’t do but what we can do. Hugs!
Thank you!
Don’t worry that your coping mechanism isn’t worthy! Be very glad that you have found something in this incredibly disturbing time we’re in. And if you ever feel so inclined, I’d love to see anything you knit😆. But of course. I find that physical activity helps me. If you can, take a stroll. Doesn’t have to be aerobic. It’s so good for your heart and we all seem to need that these days.
Oh, I love what you have done with those birds. Beautiful!
Thank you!
The coloring is beautiful. I’m glad it brings you some calm. Your essay expresses so much of what I feel and what I think. These are very difficult times. Thank you for sharing this and letting so many of us know we are not alone.
Thank you so much!
Goodness, you write well! And you color exquisitely. My sister, who’s had a long career in environmental issues and public health, also colors with adult coloring books. I’m sorry you have to watch or hear or read the news, though with your closeness to Israel and the tenuous way everything is treated over there, how could you not. The current President is awful, which doesn’t help, I know. One day he says he’s Israel’s buddy; the next he’s anti-Semitic. Whatever gets ratings and certain kinds of votes, I guess. Not to mention sponsorships. I appreciate all your doing now with your learners and artwork. Certainly, with Tzipporah. I wish you had more energy as well for all your interests and concerns. Keeping steady uses its own quantities of energy as well.
Thank you so much!
I think you’ve captured what you need to do the most at this terribly difficult time. I hope you can accept yourself and just enjoy the lovely color combos you’re creating–as well as your dear Tzipporah and mom and the normal parts of your life. We will get through this. Caring and being kind to one another are the antidotes to the chaos and cruelty we hear about every day.
I hope so!!!!!!
Those coloring sheets are lovely, Rachel. It does seem like a lot coming at us from every direction, but God’s got us, He really does 🙂
I really hope so!
Those are wonderful. They look like paintings. 😊
Thank you!
My pleasure.
Dear Rachel this is perfect.
Thank you so much!
I’m so glad you have found that coloring helps to relieve your stress. I am also falling back on crafts to ease my anxiety and helplessness about our government chaos in the US. It helps to get absorbed in any activity and quell endless rumination about things so out of our control.
Honestly, I wish it worked better than it does. Information still keeps getting in.
We are retired and my husband tunes the TV into the 24 hour news cycle much of the time. So I avoid as much as I can, absorb myself in my chores and projects, and listen to podcasts. Spring is here, so I will spend more time outdoors.
Good idea!
Coloring helps for a while, but just fir a while. 💜