It took me three or four years from the first time I printed out a passport application until finally, a few months ago, I went to the post office with my pre-filled-out application, had my official picture taken, and paid all of the fees. The impetus that finally pushed me on my way was the possibility of going on my synagogue’s trip to Israel, and even though I realized that this particular trip was not for me, I realized it was time to apply for my passport anyway, just in case.
And then, a couple of days after I posted about the-trip-I-couldn’t-take on the blog, my best friend from high school renewed her offer to host me at her home in Israel, and take time off from work to travel around the country with me, wherever I wanted to go. I’d actually forgotten that she’d suggested such a trip a few years ago. At the time, I don’t think I believed her offer was real, or I thought it shouldn’t be, because she has her own business, and family, and a full life of her own, and I just couldn’t imagine interrupting all of that. But looking back, I think the real reason I didn’t accept the offer was because I just wasn’t ready. I couldn’t have told you why I wasn’t ready, or what would have to change to make me more ready, but this time, when she offered, I believed her, and I said yes. And, when my passport arrived in the mail a few weeks ago, I realized that I am really, finally, going to Israel.
Of course, being me, now I’m thinking about all of the things that could go wrong on the trip. I printed out a pile of articles on what to pack, and where to go, and what to wear, and I filled my YouTube watchlist with videos on how to pack medications and what to put in your carry on and what to wear on the plane, and yet, I still haven’t scared myself out of going on the trip. It helps that I have some time to prepare. We chose November for my visit because that’s when she has a lighter workload, and the weather is more manageable for me, and flights are cheaper, and there are no big Jewish holidays to complicate things. I feel guilty for planning to go during the school year, and missing one or two classes with my students as a result, but even that guilt hasn’t been enough to derail me, so far.
There’s still so much research to do, and so many decisions to make, and so many opportunities for the panic to overwhelm me. I worry that airport security will want to see all of the prescriptions for my meds, in case I’m hiding opiates in the midst of all of my other pills; and what if I can’t make sense of the Gett app (their version of uber), or the currency exchange rate, or public transportation, and I end up having a panic attack in the middle of the light rail in Jerusalem? And then I wonder if I should make the trip shorter, to reduce the potential causes of anxiety, or if it should be longer, so I can take more time to settle in before trying to do anything too exciting. And then I wonder what I should bring back for my students, and a little voice inside keeps asking, why can’t mommy come with me? And then I think, wouldn’t it be better to win the lottery first, or to wait for a group trip so that someone else can make all of the decisions for me?
With all of my research, I now know that I will need flight insurance, and travel insurance, but I want to know where I can get mental health insurance, or better yet, an app that will figure out when I’m spiraling and send help when I fall apart in the middle of the Carmel market.
I’m trying to keep my expectations for the trip low, so I won’t fall into a deep depression when I inevitably fail to make it the best experience of my entire life. I’d like to think of this more as the first in a series of trips, and a chance to acclimate to the country and plan future adventures. That way, as long as I get the chance to walk through one of the outdoor markets, and shop for new-to-me foods in the supermarket, and sit by the beach or in a café, listening to the different accents swirling all around me, everything beyond that will just feel like a bonus.
The reality is, going on this trip with my good friend is the best part of the plan, because she won’t expect me to suddenly have the energy to climb Masada or swim in the Dead Sea. And if what I really want to do one day is go to the supermarket to search for new snacks and then watch Israeli TV all day, she’ll be right there with me. And, really, if I have a panic attack in the middle of Tel Aviv, I won’t need a mental health app to scoop me up, because she’ll be there to look me in the eye and remind me that the earth not going to swallow me up and with a few deep breaths, and maybe a nap, I really will be okay, and probably better than okay, even on my own power.
Now, back to worrying about what to pack.
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rachelmankowitz 
So glad you are going!!!! Be flexible and have a wonderful time!
Thank you so much!
Congrats
Thank you!
Best wishes! It sounds like you found a way to see a new place that is a good fit.
I have found that sometimes you can have very nice experiences just popping into a shop or watching people in the park. If you are visiting somewhere for the culture you don’t have to go-go-go. Seeing what they have in the grocery stores can be interesting. I like to go places on my own instead of in a group because I can take my time and spend longer at places I want to see better and just leave if I don’t like it as well as I expected.
I’m definitely planning to focus on the people and the food over the big tourist sites. It helps to have a local to show me around!
May you have a beautiful, life-changing journey, Rachel.
Thank you so much!
Splendid! It looks like the trip was meant to be. With everything pretty much falling in place, I’ll bet you will have a marvelous time in Israel.
I hope so! Thank you!
❤️
*i think Masada has a chair lift?
I’m a scaredy cat, so I’ll probably skip Masada. The story of it overwhelms me too, even from far away.
What a wonderful opportunity. Sounds like the perfect way to go!
I’m really excited!!!!
Good 👍
Rachel–I am so excited for you!!
Thank you! Me too!
Good for you for pulling the trigger and planning the travel, so I get it. We’re going overseas in three weeks, and we’re supposed to be met at the Munich airport, but my brain is screaming “what if we can’t find the rep?” Plus, we have a connection in Newark, and I’m stressing about the news about problems at that airport.
But we’ve had tougher traveling challenges, such as tighter connections, having to deal with finding our own connections, getting train tickets from a vending machine at the station, etc. I know everything will work out for us, as they will for you, too. Deep breaths, and focus on what you’re looking forward to. It will be a wonderful.
I specifically chose flights that don’t go through Newark for the same reason. There’s something about international travel that just seems more exciting, even with all of the difficulties. I hope you have a great trip!
Be careful. There’s an active state dept advisory for that region.
Always careful! Thank you!
I’m thrilled for you. My advice—pack light. In cool weather, you can wear outfits for several days in a row. Plus, there are plenty of stores in Israel if you need something.
Definitely! And, as my friend gently reminded me, she has a washing machine.
I’m grateful for your insightful content.
Ya know what Rachel, this is determination at its finest. I think this will be the best thing you can do. 🫶
I feel really good about being ready for this next adventure. The work is paying off!
Good to hear 💜 You got this
Congratulations on getting your passport. I hope the planning experience goes well for you.
Thank you! It feels really good to finally have a passport again.
Rachel, this is wonderful news! Work hard at NOT thinking about what could go wrong. Everything will work out just fine. It sounds like the perfect visit to Israel, and you’ve waited such a long time. Mazel tov!
Thank you so much!
I LOVE to travel and have learned that people are people and civilizations are pretty much the same everywhere. It’s just culture and languages and food that are different, at least in the places tourists go. As for packing, put everything you think you will need in a large suitcase. Then try to pick it up. Now, take half of the stuff out and put it in a much smaller suitcase. They have drug stores and shoe stores and washing machines in Israel. Plus, it’s a wonderful feeling to wear a blouse you bought in the great unknown when you get back to your routine — a much longer-lasting reminder than a good meal, though do not skip any meals and try everything at least once. OK, off my little old lady travel soapbox for now and I wish you a joyous adventure!!
I’m not a great shopper, but I’m definitely looking forward to trying all kinds of food!
Have a safe and blessed trip to Israel. May you experience God’s peace and presence throughout your journey ☺️
Thank you!!!
Hooray! I am so glad you will be able to go!!!
Thank you! I’m feeling pretty lucky right about now.
🍀👍
congrats!
Thank you!
Good luck and have a safe trip, Rachel.
Thank you so much!
Mazel Tov on your trip!
Thank you so much!
great news! You have a lovely friend.
I’m very lucky! Thank you!
I have only one thing to say about this Rachel … this is sooooo exciting, now go scare the shit out of yourself!
Here’s hoping it won’t be sooooo scary!
Wow that’s great 😘. Now come India and let’s celebrate… and together travel all world.
Congrats! This will benefit you and your students. Have the time of your life!
Thank you so much!
YAY!!!!!!! I am so excited for you and can’t wait to read about your experiences! I had to manage my fear of flying to get to Israel – MEDS helped! I didn’t overcome my fear of flying, but I flew to Israel even though I was scared! So as Stephen said, “Go share the Shit out of yourself” you will not regret it!!!! 💖
For some reason, flying is one of the few things that doesn’t scare me. But don’t worry, I’ll find plenty of other things to freak me out.
😁 it really limits me. My 94-year-old father lives in Florida and the only way to get there is flying so I do. I look forward to you, going to israel and hearing all about it.!!
You are very brave!
Good luck Rachel on your wonderful forthcoming trip to Israel! Marilyn Raff
Blossoms, Poppies and Poetry
http://www.marilynraff.comhttp://www.marilynraff.com/
Thank you!
That sounds really exciting & great that you can go & stay with a friend so you can take things at your own pace & rest up as needed. Enjoy the planning, don’t stress & have a great time! Jeanette
Thank you!
You’re going to have a wonderful time. I can remember a trip to visit a friend I hadn’t seen for years that I had looked forward to for so long and made all the plans (in my head) of all the places (I thought) I just had to visit, but because mostly because of weather, other than arriving and departing at the airport, it seemed we were inside playing cards or watching movies or cooking and eating. And it was wonderful. Make the trip one of visiting your friend, everything else. becomes a bonus and you won’t be overwhelmed and can’t be disappointed.
Absolutely! Thank you!
How wonderful! Enjoy making your plans, keep the worry at a distance, and take one step at a time!✨
I will try! Thank you!
Excited for you, Rachel!
Thank you! Me too!
How wonderful! Enjoy your trip!
Thank you!
I hope you have a wonderful time in November, Rachel! ❤
Thank you!
Brava, Rachel! You can do this–and you will. Here’s your operational guide: ” I’d like to think of this more as the first in a series of trips, and a chance to acclimate to the country and plan future adventures.” Seems right to me!
Thank you!!!!
That’s sure unexpected and exciting news. You don’t have to worry about what to do, either, as I’m sure your good friend will have lots of suggestions and maybe even (flexible) plans for you to enjoy yourself. I know it’s not until November, but I can’t wait to hear all about it!
I will take lots of pictures!
I am so happy about your passport! I know, with time, the rest will follow, and the anxiety will sort itself out. It won’t necessarily lessen, but your mindset will come to grips with it, and you will feel more brave. I think you are brave, as it is.
💜🤗💜 -Lorri
Thank you so much!
Rachel – To ease your packing concerns for your trip, try an app called Pack Point that helps you do it for you.
I’ll look for it. Thank you!
I’d also consolidate the categories into one or two lists
The decision to go is already a victory. Congratulations. Also – do swim in the Dead Sea because it doesn’t require a lot of energy. You just float. Have a fab time.
Thank you!
Rachel, don’t ask yourself 20 yrs from now–“What if…?” Go for it in your current youth.
Art
I’m working on it. Thank you!
A trip to Israel will be memorable. I went there in 2019, and think of it often.
I’m really looking forward to it! Thank you!
I hope you enjoy your trip. I’m anxious to hear about it.
Thank you!
This is soooo exciting! I can’t wait to hear about it all and all of your preparations, too!
Thank you!!!
Congratulations on going, what does getting a new passport for the very first time entail
Thank you! Basically, you have to fill out a lot of information and bring 2 forms of identification and have your picture taken and give them money. I think my biggest fear was the photo, to be honest.
Tell me something I found an easier way to get a passport online but mentioned nothing about fees or picture so I became very leery and untrusting it was real almost to good to be true would say it’s a scam but hopefully stopped in time
There are so many scam sites that seem real. For a new passport (rather than just renewing one that’s still in date) you have to go in person.
Your writing beautifully captures the journey from hesitation to readiness, making your decision to finally go to Israel feel inspiring and heartfelt. It’s a touching reminder that timing and belief in ourselves are key to embracing new adventures.
Thank you so much!
How exciting! I’m so glad you made up your mind to go on this trip. I’m looking forward to reading all about it.
Thank you!
Safe travels!!!
Thank you!
Good for you! Travel while you can! Take a good friend along! Don’t overthink it. Pack light. Enjoy!!!
Thank you!
OH then definitely SCAM thanks
We’re thinking of you and your friend this evening. ❤️
Thank you so much!
That’s awesome! I’m happy for you. Happy & a little envious. But mostly I’m happy for you. I’m looking forward to someday getting to travel the US, and then abroad.
Thank you!