I don’t remember if I’ve written much about my childhood friend Alex in these pages, but he was my best friend in nursery school and kindergarten, and despite being in my life for such a short time, he has retained something like heroic status in my memory, maybe because he was one of the few people to see me and accept me at that vulnerable time in my life. At some point during those same years, my family went on a camping trip by a lake and I found a salamander by the water: a plain, greenish-black creature who climbed across my child-sized hand and immediately felt like a friend. And, over time, Alex and the salamander have started to merge in my mind – not because they looked alike, but because they both symbolized friendship in its most magical form, able to treat me with kindness, and willing to spend time with me even when there was nothing to say.
I don’t remember for sure if there was just one salamander, or of I’ve merged a couple of different memories into one, but I remember seeing the salamander and thinking that he was just like me: vulnerable, curious, and alone. I also remember thinking that his feet were soft, and that he reminded me of the frogs I’d met on another camping trip, when my brother and I sat next to a pond in the rain, counting tadpoles in the water.
When I looked up salamanders online, I found out that salamanders are amphibians, like frogs rather than lizards, and that they thrive in moist environments and hide in shadows, which is why they’ve come to represent the hidden aspects of ourselves in psychology and mythology. Most meaningful to me, salamanders are supposed to represent healing, because they can regenerate lost limbs, as well as other damaged parts of their bodies, like the heart or even part of the spinal cord, without scarring. Not only can salamanders regenerate lost limbs, they often intentionally drop their tails in order to get away from a predator, which is a skill that would have served me well when I was growing up in my father’s house.
I like the symbolism of the salamander regenerating limbs because even though I’m not an especially adaptable person, I have been able to regrow parts of myself that I thought I’d lost along the way. It has been a painful process, kind of like the bone-regrowing potion in the Harry Potter books, but it feels magical nonetheless. I don’t remember Alex losing an arm or leg in nursery school, or regenerating it a few weeks later, but in my imagination that was something he could have done, because he seemed only half human to me, with magical powers of his own, like the ability to draw pictures of the images I saw in my head and make them real.
There is a lot of diversity among salamanders, in color and size and shape and limbs, but the more brightly colored they are, the more likely they are to be poisonous, unlike my drab-colored, benign little friend. There are about 760 living species of salamander found in north America alone, but I couldn’t find a picture of my salamander, so maybe he was feeling shy on picture day.
Interestingly, there’s a whole mythology around salamanders being created by fire, or impervious to fire, because they tended to live in hollowed out logs, and when those logs were set on fire, the salamanders would run out, in order to survive. But, even if they can’t withstand fire, or create it, it probably helped their survival to have these myths swirling around them, scaring people away, or inspiring their awe and support.
Along with a reputation for healing, and surviving fiery logs, salamanders are also seen as symbols of transformation. While they can regenerate lost body parts throughout their lives, they also go through a one-time transformation, like a caterpillar who becomes a butterfly, as part of their growth cycle. But in my mind, both Alex and Alexander the salamander have remained unchanged over time, and have offered me a tremendous amount of comfort as I have grown and changed into new versions of myself that neither of them would recognize, though they might recognize something familiar around the eyes.
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rachelmankowitz 
What a great memory. I like the symbolism of parts of ourselves regrowing. I think what happens sometimes is that those parts were never allowed to develop in the first place, and the energy remains, demanding its due. I’m glad your salamander didn’t give you a rash. I took a picture of a dull colored salamander a while ago and used that to identify it later. It turned out to be poisonous, so I was grateful I hadn’t touched it.
So lucky! Poison would definitely have changed my impression of that salamander!
We regenerate ourselves, often without realizing it. 🤗
Not as often, or as quickly, as I’d like, but yes, you’re right.
I wonder what Alex might think about your charming story.
No idea!
Those are wonderful memories. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Salamander but I certainly learned a lot about them reading this post.
Thank you!
Wonderful post, Rachel.
Thank you!
I’m jealous, as far as I know Australia doesn’t have any native salamanders or newts. We certainly have frogs and toads, although our most famous toad was introduced in the 1930s as part of a biological control problem (which failed).
Australia has so many unique creatures, no need to be jealous!
there really is something magical about someone who can truly see another through the ‘fog’, for lack of a better word.
Absolutely!
This sounds like a perfect children’s book idea! 📖
Thank you so much!
How wonderful! If you’re going to have a sort of imaginary friend, it should be one who can regenerate itself. You do a pretty good salamander impression, transforming yourself as you need.
Thank you!!!!!!!
That’s a beautiful story. Salamanders are amazing creatures.
Thank you! They really are!
I think we don’t have salamanders in Australia, but we do have skinks and geckos.
Geckos are famous here, from the Geico commercials, but what’s a skink?!
Really small lizards.
I see someone already suggested it, but I think you should totally write a series of children’s books about Alexander the Salamander.
Thank you so much!
Such good memories and comparisons, even if some of it is blurred and/or manufactured in your mind. How it makes you feel is the point, not the accuracy!
Absolutely!
Regrowing parts of yourself you thought you’d lost is a tremendous achievement, Rachel. ❤
Thank you so much!
A delightful and informative essay, Rachel. Transformation and regrowth are always possible. I agree: definitely a children’s book or series about Alexander the Salamander. It already has the feel of a classic!
Thank you so much!
I had two salamanders, aka newts, as pets as a child in California. They just sort of floated in the water or sat on the rock, doing little else. Then they died. I wish they possessed some transformative magic!
That would have been so much more fun!
This was an enjoyable and thought-provoking read. Great stuff!
Thank you so much!
Lovely friends and lovely memories. Interesting facts about salamanders, also. Thank you. God bless.
Thank you!
a great memory and blog! I found a newt while we were camping with my family many years ago. I was the adult at the timewe brought him home and I named him. Gingrich – because Newt Gingrich was a big public figure at the time. I believe my newt was the preferred Gingrich! anyway your Alexander story reminded me of my newt story. ❤️
You definitely had the preferred Newt!!!!
Loved your blog! Alexander the Salamander sounds like a story in itself.
Thank you so much!
Trauma brings out parts of us that we never knew. When we regrow, those parts never leave our side.
I love that idea!
You are a gift and you have a gift of words.
Your writing, your heart, and your dog- just beautiful!
Thank you so much!!!!
Brightly colored animals often serve as a warning to predators that they are poisonous if you try to eat them. The most common salamander seen in our area is the red eft (juvenile stage) of the Eastern newt, that is bright orange and often seen walking on land during or after a rain, especially in spring. S/her metamorphizes from the terrestrial juvenile into a darker greenish aquatic adult newt, and they never leave the water thereafter. There are multiple salamander species that live around here, so it is hard to identify Alexander’s species without a photograph.
I usually tell students not to pick them up, not because they’re poisonous if eaten (and children shouldn’t eat them besides), but because their skin is sensitive and can absorb toxins from their environment, including our hands. Our skin is part of our immune system and protects us from many environmental toxins, but our hands might have soap, or hand sanitizer, or sunscreen, or moisturizer, or other bacteria that naturally occur on our skin, which are NOT good for a salamander if we picked them up. If you must pick up an amphibian (to save its life, relocate it, etc.), you must first rinse your hands in clean water (or nearby pond water) to reduce that risk as much as possible, before handling. The can regrow, but studies have shown that salamanders who lose tails have reduced survivorship, so it’s optimal to avoid that risk entirely. They are the cutest though! Glad you befriended one.
So helpful! Thank you!
Unfortunately the salamanders I meet in South Florida like to hang around garbage bins outside. Clever analogy you made between yourself and this amphibian.
Thank you!