Tag Archives: brother

The Pitt

            On the 12-hour flight back from Israel, I managed to watch 14 of the 15 episodes of the Pitt, a medical show starring Noah Wyle. My brother is an emergency room doctor, and he was actually in medical school back when Noah Wyle played a medical student on ER, so I spent many years following Noah Wyle’s storylines to try to understand what my brother was going through. And now, here’s Noah Wyle again, many years later, running an ER, just like my brother.

The Pitt is set in a trauma center in Pittsburgh (hence the name of the show, referencing both the city and the feeling of being in the pit of hell). The show is set in real time, with each episode covering an hour of a 12-hour shift (spoiler, there are 15 episodes, so, this doesn’t end up being such a normal shift), which allows us to sit with each decision the doctors have to make: when can I pee? Do I believe what the patient is telling me? What do I say to a grieving parent? How do I convince someone to follow my medical advice against their own instincts? What do I do when a colleague disagrees with my decisions?

The show uses a lot of medical jargon that I don’t understand, but the emotional situations are clear and overwhelming, and I sat there wondering how these doctors were still working after two or three hours, when I already needed a nap. The only time we spend outside of the hospital, in the whole series, is at the beginning and the end of the shift, as Dr. Robby (Noah Wyle’s character) listens to music to help him transition from one part of his life to the other; the claustrophobia we feel from staying closed up in the hospital helps us to understand the all-consuming nature of the job.

My brother has never talked much about his work, even though he’s a natural storyteller (with a very dark sense of humor). In fact, he’s always seemed kind of confused by my interest, even suspicious about why I would ask him so many questions (it has been my lot in life, as a little sister, to be told again and again how very annoying I am). So, this marathon viewing of The Pitt felt like a chance to catch up with my brother, and have some conversations with him in my imagination that would never happen in real life.

The little sister I remember being
The little sister he remembers

My flight ended about forty-five minutes too soon, and I didn’t get to see the final episode of the 15, but when I got home, I found out that TNT, one of the basic cable channels, was showing The Pitt in three-episode installments, each Monday night. I spent the next few weeks rewatching all of the episodes I’d seen on the plane, with mom this time, leading up to the final episode neither of us had seen yet.

When I told my brother about my watch party, he didn’t seem as annoyed as usual. He said he’d seen the show, and actually liked it, certainly more than most of the other medical shows on TV. He even told me about a contest at one of his medical conferences, where the winner got the chance to spend a day with Noah Wyle (sadly, he didn’t win). Back when he was in medical school, and I was watching episodes of ER to try to understand him, there was more of a disjunct – yes, Dr. Carter was at a similar point in his career, and the show did a lot of realistic medical stories, with all of the jargon and the latest technology, but there was also a lot of soap opera (not as soapy as Grey’s Anatomy, but enough), so when I’d try to identify my brother in those storylines, and figure out what he would have been thinking, and where he would have struggled, there weren’t a ton of parallels. But with The Pitt, it’s different. 

            The emotions in the Pitt are kept, almost aggressively, under control. It takes until the 13th hour for Dr. Robby to break, and even then he manages to pull himself back from the brink and get back to work quickly – not because he’s all better, or because he’s learned something, but just because he has to, because it’s his job and people are relying on him. There’s no attempt by the writers to pretend that this kind of resilience is a good thing, just that it’s what he has to do.

            The show does an incredible job of showing how impossible these jobs are (doctors, nurses, social workers, EMTs, administrators, and pretty much everyone else in the hospital), and the amount of guessing they have to do, and the lack of adequate resources, and the lack of perfect answers to many of the problems that come up. There’s a sense that the doctors are expected to do the impossible, and not be impacted by the anger or grief or pain of their patients. And they make a point of showing the doctors disagreeing on what to do, on medical interventions and on ethical problems, so that we have to sit with the reality that it isn’t always clear who’s right and what the best course of action might be.

            There’s something profound, for me, in the fact that Noah Wyle is now playing a Jewish character, and (spoiler) actually recites the Shma to himself at one point. It’s a small thing – and it’s not like they’re celebrating Chanukah in the middle of the ER – but it makes the show feel that much more connected to my brother, and to me.

            Of course, TNT decided to air the first season of The Pitt in November and December for a reason: the second season is now airing on HBO Max (a paid streaming service). It’s a very good marketing technique, because I’m actually considering a subscription, just to see the show’s second season without having to wait for my next trip to Israel.

            One reassuring thing has been that, while my brother works in emergency medicine, he doesn’t tend to work in trauma centers like the Pitt, so even if he faces a lot of the same issues as Noah Wyle’s character, it’s not at the same unrelenting pace, or with the same level of chaos. At least, that’s what my mom was telling herself, and me, as we watched the series week by week, and that helped both of us sleep a little easier at night.

How can you sleep?! Where are my chicken treats?!”

If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.

            Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?

The Pop Up Camper

 

We used to go camping when I was a kid, instead of flying to Europe, or wherever the upper middle class kids I grew up with tended to go. At first we had a tent, a big blue tent that could have held a dozen people, but then my father got a deal on a pop up camper and that became our home away from home.

We stayed at campgrounds, with hundreds of other tents and pop ups and Recreational Vehicles. I’m sure there are people who go camping with no water or electricity hookup, alone in the wilderness, but that was never the kind of camping we did.

Parking the camper in our designated camp site was the kind of torture I wouldn’t wish on anyone. First my father had to back the camper in, with Mom standing outside the car to direct him more to the left or right, so the camper wouldn’t hit a tree. Then the camper had to be stopped in place with wooden blocks, and the car detached from the hitch and parked at a distance. Then we had to make sure the camper was level, with jacks at each wheel well to make up for the varying levels of the ground underneath.

I remember my father screaming at my mother, “The level isn’t straight!” even though I could see the little bubble was right in the middle where it was supposed to be.

Then we had to pop up the camper and snap in the door and attach the water and electricity and lift out the two wings for beds.

By the time we were done all my brother and I wanted to do was go home, but instead we all went out for dinner and then stumbled back to the camper to go to sleep.

Mom says that Delilah, our dog, slept on the floor of the camper at night, but I’m not sure she’s right about that. There were three beds set up, one for me, one for my brother and one for my parents, and it seems strange that Delilah would have been inside the camper with us and yet not sleeping on my bed, where she often slept at home, at my feet.

"We're going where?"

“We’re going where?”

"I'd rather drive than pull, just saying."

“I’d rather drive than pull, just saying.”

During the day, we hung a rope between two trees to attach Delilah’s leash to, so she could swoop along the length of that rope, with an extra six feet of leeway. She wasn’t much of a barker, but she looked intimidating to strangers, which was what my father was going for. She was a statuesque black and brown Doberman Pinscher, with the forced ears and snipped tail of a dog meant to fight. But she was a scaredy cat. If someone came to our house, she would bark, as required, but slowly back her way up the stairs and out of sight.

For the most part, there is a dog-shaped hole in my memories of camping.

I don’t think Delilah could have enjoyed camping. She was a home body by nature. She liked sleeping at the foot of my bed, exploring her backyard, and resting in a ray of sun for a nice long nap in the afternoon. She was also a fan of dinner time, when table scraps magically fell to the floor, where she was waiting.

"I'd like my dinner, and a pillow, and a couch of my own."

“I’d like my dinner, and a pillow, and a glass of Chardonay.”

She wasn’t used to being on a long lead, or even a leash for that matter, because we rarely took her for walks at home. We’d just let her out in the back yard, either in her private run, to poop and pee, or with us in the rest of the fenced in yard, to play.

Maybe Delilah came with us on the nature walks we took at the campground. Mom would take me and my brother out while our father grumbled to himself in the air conditioned camper. Sometimes we’d find wild strawberries or raspberries, sometimes we got lost in the woods, sometimes we saw mushrooms and met very old trees. The idea was to leave the people-world for a while and smell and hear and see different things. The air was cooler and the birds had more to say when they weren’t drowned out by the sounds of humans and cars.

"Time to smell the... what are these exactly?"

“Time to smell the… leaves?”

Delilah and my brother, waiting for snacks.

“My brother loves me, and he smells like peanut butter.”

The smells of the campground itself depended on the time of day. In the morning there was often the pervasive smell of bacon. In the heat of the day the air smelled of plastic, and freshly cut grass, and chlorine from the swimming pool nearby. Towards evening there were campfires, with baking potatoes and hot dogs and marshmallows on sticks.

I liked the sound of rain on the canvas of the camper more than the sound of the rain on the hard plastic roof; splotch was more comforting than plink. And I loved the wet dirt smell of the rain hitting the trees around us.

I’ve tried to imagine taking Cricket and Butterfly camping. We could never use a tent, because no tent would hold Cricket. She’d be busting out of the sides and digging through the fabric of the tent to freedom (you should see what she’s done to my sheets). It would also be a good idea to have more sound baffling than a tent could provide.

I could also never leave them tied to a rope outdoors, the way we left Delilah. I would be very worried about someone coming by to steal my babies, or at least trying to steal them, and suing me when Cricket ripped off a few fingers during the attempt.

And I could never leave the girls alone in the camper. Butterfly would pee on the bed, and Cricket would scratch the door down, or chew through the canvas walls.

The girls wouldn’t mind a campfire, though. And bacon for breakfast would be their idea of heaven.

I wonder what Delilah would have thought of Cricket and Butterfly. I think she would have been protective of them, the way she was with her own puppies. Maybe she could have kept Cricket in line, with a look, or a growl, to get her to quiet down.

Cricket, in need of much training.

Cricket, in need of much training.

And she and Butterfly would have snuggled together for warmth, with Cricket harrumphing from a safe distance.

I could have found room for all three dogs on my bed in the camper, and maybe that’s what would have made me feel safe. I was usually so lonely on those trips, with no idea what to do on my own, and my brother only reluctantly spending time with me.

Maybe if I could fill all of the beds in the camper with dogs, instead of people…I’d be willing to go camping again. But probably not.

The campers!

The campers!