I was so proud of myself. I went a million miles out of my comfort zone to set up the writing workshop on aging at my synagogue. I wrote a heartfelt proposal and sent it out for people to read. I presented the proposal in person in front of 20 or 30 people, and got an extraordinarily positive reaction, and six people signed up for my theoretical workshop on the spot. I sent emails and coordinated, and negotiated, and scheduled, and got furiously to work planning my first workshop session, and five people showed up – only two from the original list. But five people was good, and people talked and wrote and stayed for an hour longer than I expected. The next time there were four people, and the time after that only two, plus me.
After three sessions, I took February off from the writing workshop – because so many people were snow birds escaping the winter in New York, and because I wanted to be a snow hermit and hide in my apartment. The anxiety I felt before each class was debilitating, even though the classes themselves were a lot of fun. I could barely move on a Wednesday after a Tuesday workshop. Three naps instead of one, and a long list of self-recriminations about things I should have said, and shouldn’t have said. I spent the extra time reading for, and planning, new lessons for the rest of the sessions. I drafted and revised and cut and pasted until the writing prompts and the writing samples came together in perfect symmetry to get to the heart of a subject within an hour and a half. I talked up the workshop at the next Engaging with Aging meeting, and to whoever asked at other events.
Me, napping.
Me, trying to reach out.
And when we came back from break, there were three students, then two, then just one, my mom, my loyal mom. People asked for my forgiveness for missing classes, for forgetting, and overscheduling, and having bridge at exactly that time and day. Intellectually, I knew they weren’t rejecting me, or saying anything about the quality of my work or what I had to offer. I knew that I’d done a good job, planning lessons and prompts and being supportive and gentle and only pushing a tiny bit when I knew someone was ready to go a step further. But how can you be a teacher without students?
Butterfly wanted to help.
Even Cricket felt bad for me.
These are good, solid, interesting people, with stories to tell and a lot of strength and survival skills and knowledge to share. And yet, the idea of waking up in the morning and choosing to go to a class where you will have to write about yourself, as if you matter, as if someone else should care what you think, no, that they can’t do.
One woman told me that what her sixteen-year-old grandson wanted for his birthday was for her to write down something about how she and grandpa got together and stayed together all those years. And I thought, wow, what a lovely and loving thing for a sixteen-year-old boy to ask for, and she thought, Oy, can’t I just give him money?
I ended the writing workshop in April, a month earlier than expected, and people kept asking me if I would start it again in the fall, maybe on a different day, at a different time, for a wider audience. I was tempted to try again, but also gun shy. I didn’t want a repeat of that experience of sitting in a big empty room, staring at the clock, hoping someone, anyone, would show up. Maybe if I could have brought Butterfly with me, to sit on my lap and calm me down while I stared up at the clock, but she sheds, which means she’s not hypoallergenic and therefore I’d be treifing up the library at the synagogue for people with dog allergies. And Cricket, the non-shedding dog, would be barking and growling, and scaring the nursery school kids into cowering under their tiny tables in the classroom next door.
Cricket has a bark to scare small children
Butterfly is all hair all the time
I went to the next Engaging with Aging meeting, after the end of the workshop, because I’d gone to all of the previous meetings. I sat and listened as the discussion wandered and flailed. They needed some way to disseminate information, to share the advice they’d gathered from each other, and from the social worker at the Jewish Community Center. But how?
I didn’t mean to speak up. Words just started coming out of my mouth. Why not write up personal stories, about how you’ve dealt with a particular aspect of aging, what you learned, what you struggled with, where you went for help, and put it in the newsletter, or on the website. Maybe telling stories in order to help someone else is going to make it easier for people to open up. Within minutes, I had volunteered to interview, edit, and encourage people to get their stories down on paper. I’ve never been a journalist. I’ve done very few interviews. How did this happen?
So, this is what I’m doing next. I am not at all comfortable out here on this cliff, but it’s an opportunity to do something new, and something satisfying, that might actually help people. Wouldn’t that be great?
Cricket thinks so.
rachelmankowitz 
Cricket isn’t the only one, we think so too! Good for you. Vulnerability is the key to joy.
Thank you!!!!!
Great story, Rachel! Our stories will survive us and inform those left behind.
I feel like I need to hurry up and get some of these people talking, but they can’t be rushed.
Sounds like you’re on the right track! It is very hard for many people, especially introverts, to put their feelings out there. So go easy on the timid elders who are afraid they will be judged for what they share! Perhaps as you engage them all in this new way, it will be easier for them to say what was hard – from the standpoint of overcoming. As for your existing class, could you offer it to a non-Jewish community it’s as well?
I think the interviews will go better than the class did. I hope so.
Excellent post. Since you have a lot of interest, but your problem seems to be timing and people’s migratory issues, have you considered setting up your course online?
I’m not sure how that could be done, but have heard of others giving on-line writing courses – it seems to me this would solve your main problem, though I’m sure it would create others.
I’m not up to the technology of that quite yet, blogging uses up all of my computer know-how.
That is so cool that you attempted all of that. And it sounds like maybe you can help your ‘students’ or attendees put their words down onto paper. I think that is rather serendipitous. I would love to be able to hear their stories and put them down into written form. What an amazing thing!!!!!!
I hope it works out!
I am sure it will work out much better than you expected. Wish I could come help, I think it will be a great experience for everyone involved.
Build on that courage. You are doing a useful thing that will help others.
I’m trying. I keep thinking that courage will breed more courage, but it doesn’t. The well runs low and I have to refill before I can try again.
I’m proud of you too. It’s not you, it’s the audience. It’s hard for people to sit and listen and write and think. It’s sad, but in today’s world people don’t want to put a lot of effort into anything, just like the grandmother say… “oy, can’t I just give money?”. But don’t stop, you will find the right audience! ❤
Thank you!
Like you, I am impressed that a 16 yr old would put significance on his grandparents history. It is so sad that many people really believe that nobody would be interested in their life stories. My Mum even destroyed most of her “growing up” photographs because “who could possibly be interested?” My daughter has always been interested in events over my life and is already building up quite a library of memoirs! While she finds much of it amusing, she also learns about a very different world ……….and much more about her Dad!
When I found my grandfather’s forty page start of a memoir, after his death, I felt like I’d won the lottery. Just to hear his voice, and be able to picture him as a child on the Lower East Side… I felt very lucky.
I can well imagine your delight at such a find! 🙂
Much more exciting than trying to read the novel he wrote when he was twenty five. Eek.
I think the words came out because you are able, you know? And I think you should take both Butterfly and Cricket.
I think Cricket would shout over the interview, and make it all about her. Which could be entertaining.
😎
Rachel, I think it’s fabulous! Good for you for encouraging older people to tell their stories. Perhaps they will start with the aspects of aging – and then be inspired to share other stories from their past, their views on events as they were experiencing them. I look forward to future updates from you as this progresses.
I loved the photos of the sympathetic Cricket and Butterfly. 😀 It’s nice to have friends who support you!
Thank you! It’s very sweet when Cricket is sympathetic. Rare and sweet.
Cricket sent me a private message. She said she is ALWAYS sympathetic, and that she’s misunderstood. She says Butterfly is responsible for all the bad publicity she gets. Um… when did Cricket learn to use the computer keyboard?
I bet Cricket has an iPad under her couch. She is a mysterious and brilliant little creature. And putting the blame on her sister? Priceless.
Reblogged this on Doodles and Ponderings.
Thank you so much!!!!!
Oh, man. I meant to like it but not to reblog. I don’t really know how that works. Do you? I love your pups!!!
Don’t worry about it!
You had a wonderful idea and you acted on it. Brava all around.
Thank you!
Thank you for putting a smile on my face Rachel.
Since I know absolutely nothing about what you are doing I am sure I would be the perfect person to give you advise. So make an outline of subjects and then just speak from the heart. You don’t need points on life, just perspective. Also, be glad you don’t have someone like me in your group.
Be the brave, courageous soul that you are, don’t over think it… just do it
Thank you!
And you should be proud of yourself. Extending yourself for the benefit of others is hard enough, made more difficult when the response you get is limited. We need more people like you, Rachel. A lot more.
I get the feeling that there are a lot of people who want to be helpful, because that’s been me, forever. I just didn’t know what I could do, and I was scared. I watched the people at my synagogue who volunteered for so many different things, and I never felt like I was good enough for that. I don’t know why.
I am standing and applauding you for your bravery in starting the workshop and your courage in taking up the journalistic challenge of being editor, editor and journalist for the elderly crowd. Why couldn’t Butterfly be a non-shedder! Why couldn’t Cricket be less barky and less growly? I bet that if you had had the girls with you, it would have made the whole experience better, those two are the wind beneath your wings and your mom too. Cannot forget your mom, she is a peach. 🙂
Thank you! I tried to bring Butterfly with me to visit a sick friend a while back, and she sat in my lap shaking the whole time. She’s a real homebody. But Mom is my secret weapon. I bring her everywhere!
Brilliant thinking!
Gosh, I wish I had something like this for all the stories my grandmother, parents and other relatives told. As a kid and young person, my interests were elsewhere, and they never thought of writing anything down.
As I read your post, I was thinking if you offered this as a regular online course, it probably would be a great success. But your more personal approach of doing interviews and posting on the webiste is goo, too, and probably works better on a personal level.
I’m going to try this, and if I feel ready for more, we’ll see what happens. But I already have five or six people in mind to interview and/or beg for stories. So it could be a lot of fun!
I love this. It’s incredible how you are pushing your own boundaries and getting yourself out there, even if it’s hard and even if it’s scary. Go you!
Thank you! Honestly, a year ago, this would have been impossible for me. The fact that it is only scary and difficult is amazing!
Rachel–I am bursting with pride for you! The words came out of your mouth because they were meant to. You were meant to do this.
Oh, about that attendance. My company Toastmasters club has 9 members. We meet twice a month. Four or five show up. It is onsite–right before we start working. It is right there for us, and people have excuses. Ugh. People have excuses about everything. I have learned not to take it personal. We are now down to once a month meetings.
Thank you! I got spoiled in graduate school – where everyone shows up for class, because they have to.
Sounds like an amazing step forward! It will be a wonderful experience regardless of the final outcome, and maybe your offer will help push people to try writing down their thoughts more on their own.
I would love that!
This was an incredibly important story to tell and only serves to highlight just how difficult it is to write. Period. For everyone.
I agree. Thank you!
I think it’s a great idea, and will open up a new world for people to share their stories. Maybe this is the route that will lead to people wanting to really participate in a writing class. I think it sounds wonderful and you will enjoy doing it!
Thank you! I hope you’re right!
When the student is ready, the teacher appears … You just needed to have students who were ready for your remarkable talents. You may have found them now, or they may still be in the wings, not quite ready to step out on the semi-public stage of sharing their stories with the world, but never fear that your gift can and should be shared with others, and by doing so, you will continue your learning, just as you do with these heartwarming posts …
I will absolutely keep learning, every day, whether I like it or not. Thank you!
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How insightful for a sixteen year old to ask her that. I wish I had that maturity at sixteen, unfortunately I didn’t. I hope deep down she really does appreciate his request.
I think she was really touched by it, and then overwhelmed and freaked out.
A disappointment that attendance was so low. As was said in the sixties, “what happened if they held a war and nobody showed up?”. You were trying to do something positive, I hope the new idea works and does somebody some good.
Thank you!
How disappointing Rachel. I think the new idea will work. You will be tapping into the joy of reminiscing. If you have the time to look at this one, it shows how this turn-around once happened for me:
Sorry – forgot the link: http://derrickjknight.com/2013/10/07/anansi/
It’s a wonderful story!!!!!
This is such a brilliant idea! I wish I had written down the stories my Grandmother told me (while we sat outside the Men Only bar, waiting for my Granddad to finish watching cricket – not Your Cricket ;), the game cricket – on TV). The idea was there but I never acted on it and now it’s too late.
After (many, many) years of nagging I’ve finally persuaded my Mum to write down her story – it’s fantastic to read the bits that she has got down so far.
Keep it up – it will be so worth it.
And Well Done! You should be proud.
Thank you! I got my mom to sit down for interviews a few years back, but I think she left a lot out. I may have to try it again.
Confidence is what we get by putting ourselves in frightening situations. Well done and good luck!
Thank you!
I know what you mean about waiting in an empty room with just the clock for company. But, in a roundabout way, you’ve had a positive outcome, and that can only be good!
I do try to think of it that way. Sometimes I even succeed!
I think that is great…good for you
Thank you!
Congratulations on your perseverance and on finding a way to unlock people’s talent – you are an inspiration. As a children’s writer, I’ve been told I should go into schools and read to children, but would you believe I’m just too SCARED? I’ve often thought it would be so much easier if I could take Millie and Pearl, but Pearl is scared of children too, and Millie just likes to chase them.
I love that word – ‘treifing’. I think I’m going to adopt it, as Millie and Pearl have totally treifed up my house. 😀
Little kids ARE scary! I can’t even repeat some of the things my niece and nephews have said to me over the years. I’d start crying.
Doggies are right – you can do it!
Doggies are always right. At least Cricket thinks so!
I am very proud of you. Writing is a daunting task and fearful task for most people. You can be the person who captures the oral history of your Jewish community on paper. Go for it and good luck.
Thank you! We’ll see what happens, one story at a time.
Sounds like you’re doing good work! As a teacher/facilitator/instructor you can’t MAKE people see the value of what is offered, but I noticed you have been encouraging them to write. That’s always a good thing. I think the class would be awesome (I’m trying to write my own memories!). You keep doing what you do! Good job!
Thank you!
I remember when you were going to start the writing workshop. It seems like such a great idea. I might have tol dyou at the time that my friend has taught writing to seniors for years–mainly at senior centers and retirement communities. I think classes are always small and they probably have a larger group to pull from. No matter how big your synagogue is, only a portion of the congregants are seniors. I wonder–if you ever decide to put yourself through the anxiety again–if there is a topic or project they could work toward, individually but as a group too, so they would feel a little more accountability toward the group. The new project sounds great. Someone came to my father in hospice and interviewed and recorded him telling his life story. This sounds similar. And less anxiety-provoking for you, I’d imagine!
There’s something called story corps, I think, that does that, and its’ a wonderful thing.
Great effort for you. I hope that you won’t be discouraged. Many elderly folks – me included – want to write about their life experiences, but have a hard time getting started. I’m part of a writing group with a great instructor. The membership changes, grows, and shrinks, but as a group we have come to look forward to getting together and listening to our friends read their thoughts generated from a prompt. All of that just takes time.
Our instructor, Lauren Camp, is an accomplished poet and very understanding teacher. You might check out her blog, Which Silk Shirt which has lots of suggestions for a writing group. Unfortunately, she has topped writing the blog, but it still has a lot of good information in it.
Sounds great! Thank you!
You are undoubtedly the bravest person I know.
Impossible. I am a chicken. Maybe the bravest chicken.
I feel uncomfortable (threatened is a better word) to write & reveal myself, and then (horrors) to actually share what I write with others. And so, I find reasons not to show up for my Meetup.com writing group.
But to add a layer on top of that, and TEACH? Wow, hurrahs for you!
I told the people in the writing workshop that they never had to share if they didn’t want to. But everyone who came, wanted to share. It’s getting there that’s hard, once you’re there, peer pressure does the work for you.
Very exciting! I love listening to older people.
Me too!
Well done, Rachel – keep on going and building things (including your confidence) up! Pip
Thank you!
When I learned to ride horses they always said if you come off the horse you must get back on as quickly as possible. I think the wise self we all have inside us but try to ignore was the one speaking up, getting you back on the horse. It’s a great idea. And you are brave, the bravest are those who keep going even when terrified.
Thank you!
Fantastic – well done you for putting yourself out there! Real courage and I’m sure you’ll do a brilliant job.
Thank you!
Please don’t feel bad – you don’t know how it will end up. I am a Great Books Discussion leader and had the same experience. Everyone wanted to read the classics, but no one wanted to put in the effort. Yet after it was all over, a lady who’d argued with all the writers’ ideas came into my office to tell me it changed her life. All you can do is plant the seed! I’m so proud of you!
Thank you! I probably would have been that lady, arguing with everything, because it’s so much fun!
Good for you for taking the chance and trying to help others tell some of their stories!
Thank you!
Sounds like a good first try. Maybe network with other folks who facilitate writing groups for ideas. Check out http://doriostermiller.com/writers-in-progress/. I have gone to Dori’s writing groups. She started out off fledgling and now it is a business for her. The public is finicky … but you do find people who can benefit and appreciate your advice and encouragement.
Thank you!
you are very brave… that’s just the sort of experience that caused writer’s block in me, and i feel ya
Thank you!
Well done, you! I’m sorry that more people didn’t come to your workshops, but I am sure your new venture will be a success.
I belong to a Writers’ Circle which meets once a month. Every year we have a themed writing weekend away. There is always a lot of initial interest when the theme and venue are announced, but so many people drop out before it happens that we end up with a tiny group and it runs at a loss because we don’t get the projected numbers. However, the people who attend enjoy it and talk about it so much that others wish they had been there too. And yet the following year the same thing happens again…
People are so weird. I keep asking Cricket to explain them to me, but…
I think its a great idea! Best of luck!
Thank you!
Happy your passion spoke before you had time to think about it. You are a great writer, and you’ll do a brilliant job!
Thank you!