It’s so hard for me to corral my thoughts, sometimes. It feels like I’m picking up shards of glass from the floor and trying to piece them back together again. I can recall, or at least summarize, what someone else has said to me, but my own words dissipate into the air much more quickly. Most of the time, I feel like my memories pop up out of order, but if I can write each thought down when it comes to me, and finish the thought three days later when my brain finally gives me the last few words, I can edit it all into a coherent whole and seem like I know what the hell I’m talking about.
I watched two medical dramas on TV, recently, that made plot points out of people whose hearts were on the wrong side of their bodies. And I thought, huh, consider how many things we assume have to be a certain way, like, the heart has to be on the left, and yet, it doesn’t have to be that way, it just happens to be on the left, and all of our assumptions ensue from there. A lot of brain research has been done to try and locate the specific areas of the brain that control different kinds of thoughts. But what if it’s different in each brain? What if we organize the furniture of our brains as differently as we organize the furniture in our homes?
I have different types of bookcases scattered in different rooms. I have hard copies of every writing project in process (there are a lot of them), because when they are only on the computer, I forget that they exist. I have a particular antipathy towards closed drawers, so I tend to keep everything on open shelves, when possible, because it’s too easy to hide things from myself.
Cricket’s mind is a series of hot buttons. Grandma! Food! Shoes! Mailman! Leash! I picture these areas in her brain lighting up in bright red, and it takes a long time to return to a calm pink color. And when any of the bright red areas are lit up, no other thought is possible. It’s only when her brain is cool and calm that she can use her significant intelligence to manipulate her people again. She has set patterns to follow for how to wake up Grandma (bark, scratch, cry, bite ankles), or how to remind me that it’s time for treats (stare at bag of treats, stare at me, stare at bag of treats, crawl under couch and stare at me with disappointed puppy face). And she has incredible long term memory for faces, and smells, and wrongs done to her.
Cricket, working her magic on Grandma.
Cricket, putting on her disappointed puppy face.
I like to watch the way Butterfly sets out her kibble on the floor. She places one piece in front of the bathroom door. She radiates kibble out from her food bowl in a messy half-moon. She sets out five or six pieces of kibble on the rug in the living room, like a set of jacks she’s getting ready to scoop up with her paw. Each kibble gesture represents part of the way her brain is set up. She likes to leave kibble, and unfinished chewies, scattered around the apartment, just in case. “Just in case,” is a big theme for her. When we go out for a short walk, she has to have a snack first, and during, and after, just in case. I can relate to this.
Some just-in-case kibble.
“Mommy, I’ll trade you this sock for a chicken treat.”
I struggle to make the world stand still long enough so I can see it clearly, or see it the same way two times in a row, so maybe all of my obsessive writing is my version of “just in case.” My brain feels like a kaleidoscope at times: chock full of pieces of things all moving around and refusing to organize themselves into single whole. But it can still be beautiful, in its pieces, and being able to see things in new configurations all the time allows me to see more complexity in how each part of me relates to every other part.
“Do you know what Mommy is talking about?”
“Us!”
rachelmankowitz 
What a delight to read, Rachel.
Thank you!!!!!!
Does Cricket not eat Butterfly’s kibble when she puts it out like that?
Cricket only eats kibble when every other avenue has been exhausted.
Lovely read, Rachel!
Our Chicki has set ways of doing things, too. She always wakes us up by walking on top of us. She won’t eat her dinner until she’s given a piece of treat, and once she’s eaten, she *has* so have three pieces as a reward. She’s trained us well. 🙂
It’s amazing how well humans can be trained!
Our boys, Remy and Henry, both like the same food bowl. The “tainted” bowl can sit full for hours after they’ve cleaned out the other. They have to be really hungry to resort to eating from the bowl they don’t like. Both bowls are made of exactly the same material and are pretty much identical. Dogs, I’ve realized, are sometimes as strange as people!
They really are! I’m sure there’s a story behind the tainted bowl, but they’ll never tell us.
I love Butterfly’s ‘just in case’ mode. I do that, too. When we go out, I have to run through the house and make sure it is in total order with dishes dried and put away, blinds pulled, lights on/off (as the case may be)…just in case. Makes sense to me! Such a great post, Rachel.
But you forgot to pack snacks in your pockets before you left the house!!!!!!
Ah! I knew I was forgetting something!!
I really enjoy your writing! You have such an engaging way with words and I admire the way you bring your ideas full circle with your careful observations of Cricket and Butterfly.
Thank you so much!
Kibble on the floor has a life expectancy measured in microseconds. The other dog would snap it up.
Nope. Cricket refuses to eat kibble that has left the bowl.
I can totally relate to this Rachel. Sometimes it feels like the only time my thoughts make sense are when they’re written down. I really enjoyed this post! 🙂
Thank you!!!!!
Brilliant writing. It seems funny how sometimes a hodgepodge of writings sometimes falls together just so, and sometimes it lingers around trying to fit in somewhere it doesn’t quite belong. 🙂
There have been so many times when the paragraph I cut out of a previous draft ends up starting a whole new post.I just try to let it go where it wants to go.
I know exactly what you mean! 🙂
Cricket and Butterfly are so funny! Maybe Butterfly deliberately leaves kibble all over the place just to annoy Cricket.
I know what you mean about being unable to tie your thoughts down. If I don’t write my thoughts down when they are fresh, I’ll lose them and never find them again. Sometimes I’ll half-write a blog-post and three days later I’ll come back to it with a different perspective which gives me a better angle for the post, but if I hadn’t written the initial thoughts down when I had them, the whole post never materializes.
I love your writing, so please keep writing your thoughts down too!
Thank you! If it were Cricket leaving the kibble around, I’d say definitely, it’s to taunt her sister. But Butterfly is a bit oblivious to those kinds of machinations. She just really likes having kibble everywhere she goes. We had a doggy visitor one time who followed the kibble trail all around the apartment, and Butterfly didn’t mind sharing at all.
You make this sounds entertaining but it seems as if your experiences might be painful at times. Or at least disconcerting.
Of course, disconcerting, painful, confusing, and beautiful at the same time.
You know what? Kaleidoscope brains come up with really beautiful creations. Lovely post.
Absolutely! Thank you!
I so enjoy your posts Rachel. Great pictures of Cricket and Butterfly again.
Thank you!
A kaleidoscopic mind is a joyful thing. It’s great to be alive! Pip and the boys
It is!
That’s a superb portrait of Grandma
Thank you!
I totally relate! A friend once said his mind was like the jumble of fishing line in the tackle box….that was a perfect illustration for what’s in my head. I love the way you make the jumble sound beautiful instead…a kaleidoscope! And as always, love the photos.
The brain is a beautiful and wildly confusing thing! Thank you!
Fascinating thoughts!
Thank you!
I can certainly identify with a messy brain, there are days when I feel discombobulated within my head and finding words just to speak with can be a challenge lol 😀
I have to wonder sometimes if we have a set of scrabble tiles rolling around in there, just waiting to magically form the right words.
I love the analogy! Lol
I totally understand kaleidoscope brain syndrome! My Spot takes food out of the bowl and has to eat on her plate = the rug. So funny to watch her so Butterfly has company in her behaviors lol.
I know when Butterfly really needs to go out, because instead of bringing her kibble to the living room, she takes it to the mat near the front door.
Hello Rachel,
Would like to nominate The Cricket Pages for the Versatile Blogger Award:
https://versatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com/
Please let me know whether you want to accept it – and feel free to delete this comment. I tried to email you, but my message probably got a bit chewed on and since it did not taste like the usual treat, dumped into the spam folder….
Kind greetings,
Sylvia
Thank you! I’m sorry the email didn’t come through. I’m honored that you thought of me for this award, and I will definitely check out my fellow honorees, but I don’t tend to do the whole award thing myself.
I see. And I will have to decline the honor myself now…….I think the award is well earned though if one manages to find 15 willing fellow bloggers.
This is a beautiful read, Rachel … And I totally get where you’re coming from. (Love your dogs!) 🙂
Thank you!
You write so well, it is a joy to read your blog. You make me think, cry, and laugh, in the same read. From shards of glass to half moons of kibble. Thanks
Thank you so much!
I enjoyed reading this. The “just-in-case” is a great concept. Maybe all of us have a little of that in us.
Butterfly certainly thinks we should!
having little doggies
living with me,
i can relate 🙂
Your thoughts don’t seem messy to me at all – you always write so eloquently, and you make it look effortless.
Thank you!
Butterfly has some lessons for all of us with her kibble: plan ahead as much as you can, but then take life as it comes.
I beg to differ, Rachel – not messy at all – entirely & wonderfully creative! Dogs are eternal optimists – even though you probably either never did before or did it only one time years ago, maybe you’ll finally trade the sock for the treat?!
Miss Butterfly only did the sock ploy one time, and, of course, it worked!
Wise doggie!
I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who has to have things around her and visible. My sense of “organization” – especially when it came to drafts of term papers -used to land me in hot water at school.
I know a lot of writers who spread out their papers across the floor, couch, bookshelves, kitchen counter,…
For someone who has issues to put thoughts together you write a lot better post, than I ever could 🙂
Love, Health and Wealth
Alex Moses
https://alifeanswer.com/
Thank you so much! It’s all in the editing.
Great post. My thoughts do something similar but it’s usually when I’m driving and can’t write them down. By the time I arrive at my destination, they’re usually gone forever. I tried keeping a little tape recorder, but now I have to transcribe all the random recorded thoughts, and I can’t tell you how many times I went to use the recorder and the battery was dead! BTW, I especially loved the photo of Grandma and Cricket!
love the portrait of grandma- and can relate to this post so well. Love your writing
Thank you!
Great post that I can relate to. I was told once that I had a brain like a library – a badly arranged library. Always like your photographs.
Thank you!
I can relate to your post Rachel! Incomplete draft ends up being two different posts. I do that with my poems too! 😀
And our Lab is so calm when his food is eaten by his Godfather stray dog. It’s like he invites him and turns around, facing elsewhere so that the stray can eat his food. It’s so adorable. Even they understand sharing, which is hardly understood by the world of humans!
I love that!
Good for you shedding light on why dogs leave kibble lying around. Photo with grandma is priceless. I like the sock for chicken barter too.
Thank you! The girls work very hard to keep me entertained.
A marvelous read, Rachel. I love my grammy too, so enjoyed reading about yours! Sweet!
Thank you!
I get wanting printed out copies of your writing. I’m so discombolulated with overwhelming paper that I can hardly find a thing. Gotta get a plan.
You have such a wonderful way of writing. Embrace the kaleidoscope! And you know me, I’ll send hugs for Cricket and Butterfly, too!
Thank you so much!