A friend in the blogging community (Elizabeth at Saved by Words – Elizabethslaughter.com) suggested that I could think about who I’m writing for when I’m writing something other than a blog post, since I’ve been struggling to want to work on anything other than blog posts.
In a lot of ways, my writing feels automatic to me, because I’ve been doing it my whole life. I spent a huge part of my childhood telling myself stories, about trips to other planets and alternate families and happier endings to my own life stories too. As I got older, I wrote poems and songs and stories and novels. I would write to organize my thoughts, and to remember what I was thinking, because I forget things so quickly. I wrote down dreams in order to remember them, and then to process what they might mean. When I started the blog I quickly found that it was a satisfying way to connect with actual people. I didn’t have to tell my stories only to myself anymore, or send my words out into the ether to be judged, or ignored.
Over the past eight years that I’ve been blogging I’ve come to realize that my favorite thing about writing is hearing back from readers, knowing that my writing has been read and heard and processed and responded to. The feeling of satisfaction I get when I see that people really feel something in response to my words is so much better than getting an “A” in school (which is still pretty nice). And I’m loathe to waste my writing on literary magazines who will just reject my work after a year-long waiting period, when instead I could post something today and get responses from thoughtful readers within hours.
But I still want to be a professional writer; the kind that gets paid. And I still want to write longer form essays and fiction. I LOVE fiction. I love the freedom it gives me to change the stories of my life into something more hopeful, or to live out a completely different life from my own.
The problem is, when I think about writing professionally I start to feel distant from myself, remembering all of the rejection letters and the critiques and the endless questioning of how I write and what I write about and who I write for and the underlying, persistent, mantra telling me that my voice doesn’t matter and won’t sell; my writing is too literary, or too commercial, or too serious, or too lighthearted, or too plot driven, or too character driven, or too emotional, or too intellectual. But when I sit down to write for the blog I remember the comments I received on the previous blog posts, and the encouragement and kindness and investment of my readers.
There’s that, but there’s also something else. When I’m working on longer projects, my writing voice varies. I don’t have any conscious awareness of trying to fit a style while I’m writing, or any conscious control over how the words come to me, but when I read over the draft, days or weeks later, I can see how my writing was influenced by my intended audience, or by my preconceptions of who they would want me to be.
I wish I could write everything the way I write for the blog, trusting that my readers will care about me and respect me and engage with the subjects I care about. I want to be able to write from where I am at this moment in time, instead of trying to guess what other people will want to read at some moment in the future. And I want to challenge myself to write the different things that interest me, the long essays, and the children’s stories, and the mysteries, and the Young Adult novels, and the memoirs.
And I would love to see my books on library shelves, in hardcover, with beautiful reviews on the back cover; and I’d love to win awards and make a living from my writing, and be interviewed about my work.
But I don’t trust that the larger audience will embrace me and accept me the way my blog readers have, and I think I’ve learned to stop myself from writing the things that could force me to face those rejections again, even though I want to write these things.
If only I could quiet the voices that recite all of the rejection letters to me when I sit down to write, and replace them with the voices that are kind and thoughtful week after week. Maybe then I could be prolific again, or at least feel free to write everything that matters to me.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my Young Adult novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
Just keep writing and never think about rejection or what anybody will think. It is your voice and your story to tell. If you write, someone will always read it and be happy that you shared. Good things happen when you stop trying so hard. Cheers!
Thank you!
So true! Congratulations on your novel! How many people fail to finish one? So many! I’m having the same issue which is why I’ve resorted to starting fictional narratives in the form of blog posts. Don’t necessarily know if that’s working though. Could just be my way of procrastinating.
If it feels creative and you’re learning from it, it’s not procrastination.
And it holds me accountable.
Your novel was good tho. I enjoyed not only your voice but also the pacing, characters, and plot. Yet, I too feel the same discouragement. My KDP books barely sell and my writing on Medium received little attention. Blogging is immediately satisfying, as you say… 🌹
It really is!
Such a good question to ask. I think my personal answer is similar to yours. I love the feedback and community of blogging, especially once I overcame shyness and started interacting more. Because I’ve been a language arts teacher for many years, I’ve found myself my worse critic when it comes to fiction and longer pieces. Like you, it has been a struggle to find my voice and not compare to others. As far as the critics … isn’t amazing that nearly everyone who has made it as a writer will tell you that they did so on an endless stack of rejection letters. I bet there are a lot of critics kicking themselves every time they look at a best sellers list. 😁 And whatever you do, yes … keep writing about the dogs!
Thank you!
I agree! Keep writing about the dogs. The novel I am working on stars my dogs.
What’s wrong with writing just for you? I’m not a writer, so pardon this way of thinking, but you write what you want each week and the response is huge. How can you know what other people want? That’s a whole lotta pressure, Rachel. Your dogs and your writing make me smile each Saturday. Keep on!!!
Thank you so much!
It’s fun to see your readers’ responses. Lots of good feedback there. I was drawn to your question because it is one I ask myself every time I sit down to create a blog. Some days I write with my daughters in mind. Other times I write imagining it is just for my best friend. Sometimes it is written with my own head in mind… I write it becuse I need to get it out. But what keeps me going is knowing SOMEone, someONE, SOMEONES are going to read it … and that ONE may need what I have to share that day. One comment back – that’s the reward.
It’s an incredible reward!
Your posts are always so full of insight. And dogs!
Thank you! Miss Cricket insists on having her say!
You are a good writer. Literate, coherent, cohesive. Plenty of words without being ‘wordy’. I often marvel at how you can write so much and still do other things. You must be some sort of a ‘natural’ at this. Should you entertain us with some short story fiction? Just a thought.
thank you!
There is something intimate about writing a blog and I love that. I have tried to get into other areas of writing, but it quickly becomes mechanical. I always enjoy your blogs. Keep up the good work.
Thank you!
Just keep writing . Your writing on the blog is engaging and entertaining so it is clear you CAN write. As for rejections never mind about them just plow on. Look at how may writers got turned down and went on to fame and fortune, how many singer songwriters got rejected only to go on to great success, how many actors didn’t get the part and then got just the right part and went on to become stars. And your little dogs are a delight and we do like to see them. I love how their photos always fit your words so perfectly.
They are my inspiration!
It’s true, Bloggy people are awesome. Doggy people are awesome, too!
I really hate rejection letters. But it helps me to remember that the bestselling novelist Stephen King hung his first rejection slip from a nail on the wall. Soon, he had so many rejection slips that he replaced the nail with a spike. The spike was getting full when he finally sold his first book!
I love your writing, Rachel. I hope you will do what the other bloggers have said here and keep writing for you. Keep writing for me too, please. 😀
I will! Thank you!
YAAAAAY!
I always enjoy your posts. Please keep them coming!
Thank you so much!
Shavuah Tov, Rachel:
I get the wanting to write everything. I’ve had (and still have) a hard time focusing, but I really want to prioritize my writing, so I’ve narrowed down my work to finishing my old GED lesson plans and formatting them into a book, which I hope will help learners and teachers, as well as those who want to help others in general. Then, it’s back to that fiction WiP that I’ve been putting off since November!
-Shira
Good luck with all of it!
Thanks.
In many ways, blog writing is more REAL. Most of us address what is important in our lives in out blogs, and that sense of genuineness is what attracts me. You don’t have to have a certain voice or a defined audience. Your audience can simply be people who care. Hard to define, but still real. Keep up the good work.
Thank you!
Like everyone else here, Rachel, I love reading your writing. It’s always reflective, insightful, and authentic. Keep writing and keep finding joy. Don’t let publishing rejection get you down. Sadly, it seems to go with the territory.
Thank you so much for your encouragement!
I think your blog readers are telling you not just what resonates with them but will likely be enjoyed by a much broader audience. Vulnerability. Honesty. Hope. Dogs.
Listen, then work to believe in their trust in you and your voice.
Thank you so much! I will try!
You’re grappling with community and market. I am so impressed by the community you have built, a diverse group of people who appreciate what you have to say. That’s a big deal. And it is built on your work. Being able to do that doesn’t mean that you automatically can do the other, but it suggests that as much as such accomplishment is under one’s control, you have a chance. Stay strong. Thanks for your openness, talent, heart, and soul.
Thank you so much!!!!
I think that’s a completely natural way for talented and unrecognized (as of yet) writers/authors to feel even with the following and experience you have. It’s also extremely humbling to those of us with less experience and perhaps less skill to have you put into words what we also feel and desire, but maybe not to the same extent, at least not in my case.
You are a great writer and inspiration will come to you.
Thank you!
Write for yourself. Then you are sure at least one person will appreciate you and know you are being honest! 👏🙂
Thank you!
It’s a tough thing, writing. On the one hand, we write to satisfy that itch we all want to scratch, but on the other, we also want to do it for an audience—one that may or may not like what we put out.
Still, I think if the choice is between writing or not, it’s always best to pick the former. Wishing you all the best with your writing journey!
Thank you!
Don’t fret about your readers too much- you can’t please all the people all of the time so don’t try , be yourself!
Thank you!
I have read Yeshiva Girl, as you know. I had the sense that you were writing about something you knew about, and also that you were writing for yourself, as a form of catharsis. It that sense was right or wrong, that worked incredibly well anyway.
I am often urged by blog followers to publish my short stories in a collection, or to make my long fiction serials into books for publication. But publishing, marketing, and selling a book is a very different thing to the enjoyment of writing for the sake of it. And authors who make a decent living from writing are few and far between.
Best wishes, Pete.
Best wishes!
I feel the pain. I want to give up writing all the time. I kind of have, I guess, except my blog. Which I also keep thinking I need to give up due to lack of interest. I take that to mean, well, my writing must not be good. There’s really no other explanation. It is discouraging. Don’t give up. I’m hanging in, too. We never know what’s around the corner.
Thank you!
I always look forward to a blog post from you because your story-telling abilities and your way of express them. I’m certainly not an expert, but I think your writing is articulate and informative but always in a way that is somewhat vulnerable and sharing of yourself.
I blog because I need an outlet sometimes – a way to connect with people, a way to share things I’ve learned from a lot of years on this earth, and sometimes a safe place for me to vent. I write for me, and therefore, I’m grateful when anyone supports what I say with a like or a comment.
You can do anything you want to – but you have to be willing to face the risk!
I will try!
The literary world is a very fickle place. It’s good to remember that the best works spring from the heart.
Fingers crossed!
I’ve been struggling with this question too, in a way. I’ve been feeling an urge to write more mental health related content on my blog, but it feels…offbrand, if that makes sense. i have several unpublished drafts now, but none of them feel a good fit for the audience at hand.
My blog has changed so much since I started, because I’ve changed. It’s scary to branch out, but if that’s your strongest instinct it deserves a try.
I also have had a hard time writing anything other than blog posts… my goal has always been to write a novel, but every time I look at my fiction writing for the last few years, I am disappointed in it. I keep telling myself it’s better to write something than nothing, though.
Sometimes fiction can’t contain everything we need to say.
I like to search for blogs that tell stories or are thoughtful, up-lifting, funny, or sharing life’s adventures… you know, blogs like yours! I like your writing and your willingness to share your experiences. I look forward to your blog posts! Keep on keeping on!
Thank you!
Before I even knew I could have my own website, I, in Lexi’s voice, blogged on Dogster, where no one ever got feedback and only a few pictures were allowed on your “site.” I did this for several years, chronicaling my life through the eyes of my schnauzer. I’ve copied those and they are now the oldest posts on my site. I say this to say that yes, it is so much more rewarding to get instant, positive feedback.
And then I think about Dogster and realize I also wrote for me, to express myself and also to keep a “record” of my life. Maybe we just need to write for ourselves sometimes.
I can definitely relate to wanting a record of my life, and Cricket’s and Butterfly’s and Ellie’s and Dina’s… I still keep a journal, where I can just write through things as they happen, but there’s something very satisfying in sharing my life with other people.
Yes, that’s true. I guess what I am saying is to write your novel like it’s for you. Don’t worry about anyone else.
I will try! Thank you!
I started to write a book when I was at school, but it never came to anything. Someone told me to write about something I knew something about, so maybe that was why I lost interest.
I’m happy with my blog though as I write for me mainly, apart from the challenges I set for other people to participate in. As long as you’re happy doing what you do, I can’t see a problem.
That makes a lot of sense!
I used to write short stories when I was younger. I started in middle school after reading countless harlequin novels, I decided I could write my own! I wrote one in high school, and wasn’t quite finished with it, but I lost the file 🗃️ 📀 or something, and just that was discouraging enough. I wrote a couple more in college. Then I wrote another one in about 3 weeks, in response to 2 very different dating scenarios I had encountered. It was my way of dealing with it I guess? I’ve since revised it from time to time. Because I’m not the best at writing in the proper forms of speech. I got a couple of compliments when I posted it online somewhere. But also some criticism. I wrote the entire story from first person. But I believe I changed tenses a few times and things like that. I wanted to write another story sometime after that, a less personal fictional story, but I was completely blank of anything worth writing. No inspiration, no flow or storyline coming out. I haven’t even tried in a few years now. IDK? But you keep on writing! Because you’re a great writer and storyteller!
Thank you!
I love how honest you are about the private dreams every wishful writer entertains. I think that’s one of the hardest things about good writing, being honest, and you do it.That’s one reason people connect with you.
Also, your interpretation of the dog expressions are right on.Today’s made me laugh out loud.
Thank you for what you do!
Thank you so much!
I love your writing style. I think you can do anything you set your mind to. I know it is hard to block out all of those negative thoughts. Hey, I just had a thought. How about a book about a writer that isn’t confident in their own abilities and how they handle all of the rejections (where you can write about your own experiences and maybe come to grips with them) , only to later find a publisher who supports their work and they become famous! (I have kept a journal since 2006, when my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer and passed away. I would just let the words flow. Often what came out of the other end of my pen was not anything I would have actually thought of, but were words that encouraged me and helped me to figure things out and gave me the strength to live again instead of just existing. Maybe that would happen to you too.)
Writing is a magical thing, isn’t it?!
It really is.
Keep writing, Rachael. Write what you know. Write what you imagine. The important thing is keep writing.
Great advice, Don. Often, the best advice is the simplest and most simply stated.
I will! Thank you!
Nice reflective piece of your thoughts on motivation. We all live with the rejections, in life as well as in writing! But keep at it. You express yourself well. I’m in awe of fiction writers! I can’t write fiction – the stories just don’t come to me, so I write what I know. Just keep doing it!
Thank you! I will!
I’m still working on a career writing suggestive limericks. Lot of rejection out there.
It all depends on what your lyrics suggest.
I wonder if a solution for you would be to try writing a novel in blog format? I know there are several novels that take the form of an email conversation but I don’t think I’ve heard about a blog one yet. That would also give you the freedom to incorporate elements of comments from readers in directing the novel’s plot (for example, if you were doing a mystery or something that needed outside assistance, such as finding an item you’d lost, tracking down a person or a missing cat, any assistance from your followers could be invaluable. And the fact that they are perhaps anonymous to you gives the opportunity for plot twists and reveals at the end!). You could always make it semi-autobiographical with someone trying to write a novel during lockdown and the blog influencing matters in some manner [depending on what you wish to actual lug be writing about].Good luck with however you decide to do it! Jeanette
Thank you!
I’ve gotten a fair number of rejections when submitting artwork to juried shows. The jurors usually just checked off a rejection box. Some scribbled condescending critiques that revealed misinterpretations of the work and my motives. I also encountered criticism in grad school for achieving goals that I had set for myself in the work. They considered my values naive and my understanding of current theory lacking. I didn’t fit into their expectations. I’ve learned that the only thing that counts is whether or not a finished piece means something to me. I encourage you to keep writing and to focus on work that feeds your spirit. If it means something to you, it will eventually mean something to others.
I hope so! Thank you!
I think any artist (I consider writers artists) has the same fears and negative mind talk that you’ve written about today. From my limited experience, one has to focus on one’s INTENTION and then deliberately ignore that negative mind chatter, deliberately turning it off so to speak. Get the words out and take the leap (which it sounds like you’ve done a few times at least). I wish the same as you, that I could live off my writing, although the being interviewed part isn’t so attractive. I’d just like to have my writing seen and appreciated. But. That’s the wish of any author. We just have to be brave, say a little prayer, and leave it to God to help us out with the bravery part.
Fingers crossed!
I always read and enjoy your thoughtful, thought-provoking and well-crafted posts but don’t usually have time to comment. Probably you have 10 people who like to read your posts but don’t comment for every one that does so that’s adds up to an impressive number of readers. Regarding your writing ambitions, don’t forget that JK Rowling was rejected by 12 publishers (who must have really beat themselves up afterwards). I have met authors who said they pasted their rejection letters on their wall (Stephen King did this too) and some who said they decided not to give up until they had 100 rejections. Most didn’t get anywhere near this but got a publishing deal after the first dozen or so. So write what you enjoy writing, get your work out there and don’t be put off if you don’t get instant success! Good luck.
Thank you!
This one resonated with me, Rachel. I have a lot of the same motivations and self-doubt when it comes to my own writing. You are much more disciplined than I will ever be! That’s a big part of it, too. I always enjoy your writing – keep doing what you’re doing, girl! The path will become clear at some point. You’re getting your words out into the world – that’s the important thing.
Thank you!!!!!!
You own your stories, your voice, and your approach to telling them. As for me, I’m proud that you choose to share them with me—and others.
You are so kind! Thank you!
Wonderful, Rachel, as always. I loved this: “And I would love to see my books on library shelves, in hardcover, with beautiful reviews on the back cover; and I’d love to win awards and make a living from my writing, and be interviewed about my work.” You spoke, there, for multitudes.
Thank you!
I think you’re an amazing writer. I’ve finished reading your novel and I’ve really enjoyed it even though I was struggling to focus during the period of the lockdown here in Malaysia. Just keep writing and keep believing ⌒°(❛ᴗ❛)°⌒
Thank you so much!
I like being one of the “Bloggy people.” Thank you, Cricket. I especially enjoy reading the paragraph about your writing interests, because I enjoy reading these interests and more so because there is so much direction there for you. Then there’s rejection, professional rejection, no less. Personless, probably soulless. Regarding audience, I suppose like most things there’s a balance, though I think you have to preference your own voice, which is what we’re reading and a big reason why we want to read your work, after all. Sometimes I wonder about the big reacting work out there. From the extremes, I’d like to shield myself. But as you know there is such promise in healthy engagement.
Thank you!
I will be honest I love reading your posts but, your dogs are ultra adorable. They have me hooked 😂
Cricket and Ellie agree with you! They are the stars!
Ha ha ha they do shine for sure I’m glad they agree ☺️
It’s hard to balance the energy (and confidence) required to write longform and to blog. I am the exact opposite of you. I’m a relative newbie to blogging having only been committed for a little over a year. I feel confident about the book I am working on, but with each blog post I think … why should anyone care? I’m touched that anyone actually reads it! Maybe I need to post more pictures of my dog LOL.
Dogs always help. In blogs AND books.
You have a mind blending writing method !! 👌
Congratulations on your book.. Your doggies and I agree too that you are a great writing
💖
Thank you so much!
You’re most welcome! ❤️
Hi, this resonated with me quit a bit. Stop worrying about what other people think. Write for you, because you have a story to tell. Write in your style, about what you love and with love. This is not the time to conform, it’s time to re-form who you think and believe that you are. Tell your ego to sit on your shoulder and just observe without comment. Listen to your heart, the truth of what you need is there. Do YOU to the best of your ability for you have something to share of value, yourself!
Thank you!