In the midst of Cricket’s terminal illness, we were also dealing with very bad news about Ellie’s heart: it was two times the size it should have been, and surrounded by fluid that shouldn’t be there. She would need to take four new medications, twice a day, and we’d need to find a diet for her that was both low in sodium and tasty enough to get her to take all of her meds. But it just didn’t seem possible to me that Ellie could be so sick, not while Cricket was busy dying.
A week before Cricket’s death, we took Ellie back to the vet, because she had been coughing more than usual and we wanted to make sure we were doing everything possible to keep her with us. A new x-ray showed that her heart was still twice the normal size, and that there was still some fluid around it, so the vet raised the dose of her diuretic and told us to come back in two weeks for a blood test. The coughing stopped for a few days, but after Cricket’s death Ellie had more of the fainting attacks that had sent us to the vet in the first place, months earlier, losing control over her legs and flopping down on her chest.
In the car on the way to the vet for the follow up blood test, Ellie was even more nervous and agitated than usual, and we wondered if she was thinking of Cricket, and how Cricket hadn’t come home from her last trip to the vet. Standing in the same examination room where Cricket had taken her last breath, the vet took Ellie’s blood and suggested another echo sometime soon, to see if issues had progressed into her lungs. I had a whole list, at home, of questions I’d planned to ask and medication refill requests, but I couldn’t remember any of it. Eventually, because she was giving me her sad puppy eyes, I remembered to tell the vet that Ellie had become a very picky eater recently, wanting only the special foods (chicken treats, greenies, chicken liver, fresh cooked chicken) instead of the well-rounded, low-sodium diet we were trying to give her. And the vet turned back from the computer screen, where he’d been updating her chart, and said “treat her like a make-a-wish kid, and give her anything she wants.”
I didn’t curse at him, out loud. I just stood there, forgetting to ask for the refills or anything else. He recommended a brand of healthy treats from the pet supply store next door that might help Ellie eat her good-for-her food, and then we paid our latest bill and went next door for the treats and then went home, to Ellie’s great relief.
The new treats went over well enough, though Ellie now believes she should be hand fed each meal. And then, within a few days of her vet visit we noticed blood spots on her wee wee pad and I freaked out. We had to follow her around with a ladle to get a pee sample, but in a few days we found out that she had a urinary tract infection, which was much better than the ten other imaginary diagnoses that were spinning around in my head. The vet put her on anti-biotics, which made her even more exhausted at first, but eventually started to make her feel better.
In the middle of worrying about Ellie, and grieving over Cricket, we had a moment of joy. Out of nowhere one night, despite still refusing to eat her regular food, Ellie begged for some of Mom’s dinner, a piece of red pepper, a few pieces of broccoli, and then pumpkin bread, all foods that Ellie generally ignored, but Cricket had always loved. Maybe she was just craving something different because of her illness, but it seemed to us like she was channeling her sister and bringing her back to us for a moment.
Ellie still looks for her sister around every corner, almost as if she expects Cricket to pull a “Gotcha” on her at any moment, and I look for Cricket too, imagining that she’s just sleeping and that’s why the apartment is so quiet. I’m still in the numb phase of grief, unable to take it in for more than a few minutes at a time. And, in the midst of that grief, I just can’t think of Ellie as having only another six months to a year, which is what the vet predicted when he first told us about her heart, months ago now. I like to tell myself that the vet never expected Cricket to live as long, or as well, as she did, so what does he know? Except, Ellie isn’t Cricket. Ellie had to use up a lot of her spirit surviving her first four and a half years as a breeding mama, and I can’t expect her to fight for more time the way Cricket did. Instead, I want God, or the universe, or veterinary medicine to intervene and give her the extra years she deserves; and I’m pissed off, beyond words, that that probably won’t happen.
But for now, we still have Ellie with us, and she’s recovering from her UTI and getting some bounce back in her step, and asking for cuddles and treats and looking askance at our continued attempts to feed her the “healthy” food.
It’s cruel that my sweet, loving, almost nine-year-old Ellie is going to die too soon, from an oversized heart, of all things. Butterfly, Cricket’s first rescue sister, had the same heart issues (along with a few others, caused mainly by her eight years as a breeding dog at a puppy mill), and the same sweetness as Ellie, and she lived to almost thirteen years of age despite all of it. But the vet says Ellie’s heart disease is more serious and more advanced and there’s nothing we can do, other than what we are already doing. I know he means well and wants us to be prepared, but right now the thing I want most in the world is for the doctor to be wrong.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my Young Adult novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
Sigh. Hang in there Rachel 😔
I’m trying. Ellie is smiling again, so that helps.
Does Ellie get any coq10? Not a lifesaver but could help some
Thank you!
Once again, I hate to “like” this post. There needs to be a hug icon, as on Facebook!
That would so helpful!
Oh, Rachel. This cannot be happening. All the love, all the treats…I think I agree with the vet. Whatever Ellie wants–it’s hers.
She absolutely agrees with you.
I cannot say anything to help, such grief, and such a caring, loving Mom to Ellie. Not fair, not right, help her all you can, give your love.
So sorry, sweetie! My prayers are with you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Love, prayers and sympathy on your additional loss, Rachel. I know your savoring her presence while you can.
Every day! Thank you!
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss of Cricket, and Ellie’s ongoing issues. I have a 9-year-old dog, Maya, who looks like them. She’s also a rescue dog from a probable puppy mill (40 dogs in one home until the owner called the local rescue center for help). I know your loving care has been just what the doctor ordered for both of them and that they’ve enjoyed a good life. I wish for many more loving moments for you and Ellie.
Me too! Thank you!
I can only hope the same thing as you that the doctor could be wrong about Ellie. If her spirits are high, that’s something nice to appreciate, too.
Her latest obsession is pot roast. It makes her very very happy.
😊
I feel for you having to deal with this especially so soon after losing Cricket. You are doing all you possibly can in this situation.
Ellie deserves a lot more time, so I’m crossing all fingers and toes.
We all hope the doctor’s wrong too. But just in case he isn’t wrong, keep doing what you’re doing…loving and cherishing her and giving her everything she wants.
That’s the plan!
🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼🌳🌞🌳🦋🌞🦋
You sure have more on your plate than anyone should have to deal with. Hoping things will settle down and Ellie will be okay for a long time yet.
Me too! Thank you!
Any doctor who has the compassion to say “treat her like a make-a-wish kid, and give her anything she wants” is a hero in my book. I am still sad about Cricket and now about Ellie’s symptoms and prognosis but in your heart of hearts you love them both deeply and are taking such good care to give Ellie the best care possible. Let Ellie live her make-a-wish life as often as you can for as long as you can. Fingers crossed that the diuretics make a difference over time. Good luck.
Thank you!!!!
So sad, and yet a bit of HOPE~! They bring so much hope into our lives and ask for so little. Vet Bills can be a real drain on our budget due to not much insurance available. I am thinking about you’ll, in these troubling times.
Tami will not eat anything until she first sees me eat it~! (sometimes I have to fake it) Ha~! I do not let her have chicken at all, and when I eat anything with chocolate in it I am very careful to keep it from her, but the sneaky little thing will dig in the trash to get the candy wrappers to lick. Peanut Butter or “stringy cheese” is her favorite way to get a pill down and there is something about the ladies at her Vet, that she actually likes to go there, the love they have for her is great~!
I love that! The vet techs at our vet are great too, but Ellie still shakes like leaf.
I have had a hard time replying to your posts, Rachel. Sometimes I simply can’t sign
I’m so sorry. I’m not sure why that was happening. It’s good to hear from you!
Aww sending you more big hugs ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ
Thank you!!!
The vet had advised me to reduce animal protein for my kitten girl. She had developed chronic kidney disease. But the last meal she ate with desire was just raw minced meat.
For us, your readers, it is comforting to know that your children are treated with so much care and competence even though life continues its natural course.
Thank you so much!
My heart is breaking from your post ❤️💔
I’m sorry. If it helps at all, Ellie really enjoyed eating her pot roast (and avoiding her dog food) tonight.
Yes!!!! ❤️😊
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through these serious health challenges with Ellie while Cricket’s death is so raw. Blessings.
Thank you!
I also very much hope he is wrong. My Lulu suddenly collapsed and struggled to breathe one afternoon. The vet put her on oxygen, xrayed her chest and found what your Ellie has, plus fluid-filled lungs. She had me take Lulu to the emergency vet, where they put her to sleep. It took months for me to get over the shock. My prayers are with you.
Oh no! That must have been awful.
Take care. Be well Ellie.
Thank you!
I’m sorry, but I can’t like this. My heart breaks for your loss and concern over your fur baby. Dogs are amazing creatures who fill our hearts with love. I hope Ellie stays strong for a good long time. (( HUGS))
Tama is gregarious to a fault, when we are in a public place I must leash her so she will not run up to everyone she sees to be petted. That can become a problem because some people are afraid of all dogs and her running toward them scares them. When we get to the front of the Vet I have to grab her or she she will run up to their door. Now the one we used to have were complete AH’s and she did not want to go in.
Sometimes I put her “Service Dog” collar on her (which she is trained for) when I go to one of my doctor’s offices and most of the patients in the waiting room can get the same comfort from her that I get, if they stop and pet her, otherwise, she just sits by my feet or next to me, but she squeaks if she sees a kid and wants them to notice her.
I am very lucky to be owned by her~!
It sounds wonderful!
Me too! Thank you!
So sorry to hear about this. 💛
Thank you!
I’m so sorry for all of this
Thank you!
Oh, I am so very sorry. I still miss my Murray and know the pain. So sorry Rachel. I wish I could just hug you!
Thank you!!!
This is really hard. Sending hugs and pets.
Thank you!
🤗
Cruel was the word running through my mind and then you said it too. How sad I am for you as I read this. I’m hoping the doctor is wrong and that she sticks around a good long time with you. 🤗🤗
Thank you!!!
Rachel, I forgot to mention I asked Sarah Aroeste what else she would recommend for you. I told her I shared her Mazel Bueno book with you. She said feel free to reach out when you want to learn more about Ladino books or anything else for your students regarding Ladino books or music. Her website is Saraharoeste.com or you can message her on Facebook if you are on Facebook.
Awesome! Thank you!
What a lot of things to worry about.
I don’t know if this will be of any help, but I have cooked for our dogs since the 1990s. I have also served it to plenty more visiting dogs. It’s salt free. I make a huge batch, but you could try the scaled-down one below. Ask the vet what he thinks of it.
A pound of lean ground beef, 1/2 pound of chopped carrots, 1/2 pound of chopped potatoes, 3–4 sticks of chopped celery and about a quart of water. Cook for 45 minutes (including the time to bring to a boil), then add 3/4 of cup of pearl barley and cook for another 30 minutes. Let cool.
Thank you!!!
Tough times deal with so soon after your loss. Sending supportive thoughts.
Thank you!
May she give you those knowing looks a good while longer
Fingers crossed!
I don’t have anything to say that will help. I had a chihuahua that got sick one weekend, and they said if she hadn’t improved by the end of the weekend, we’d have to let her go. We were like “bull…” We then took her to our regular Vet, who gave us steroids’ (I think). Said if she didn’t improve in 24 hours, we’d probably have to let her go. She was still with us for another good year ❤ Animals are remarkably resistant. I know you will try all you can do to make her eat healthy. Hug her, love her ❤
I hope our story is as good as yours! Thank you!
God bless her. And you.
Thank you!
You have to console yourself that Ellie is loved so much, and getting the best care and treatment any dog could hope for. Everything else is sadly out of your hands now.
Best wishes, Pete.
I’m trying. Thank you!
So sorry for what you’re going through. I know exactly what you mean about thinking Cricket is just asleep, because I get the same feelings about my husband. As for Miss Ellie, even if she does not get all the years she deserves, and she may yet get a few more, just remember you gave her a wonderful life full of love in her last years. I hope you have more moments, and longer, of joy.
Thank you!
It is sad to see a family member in ill health. Hopefully, Ellie will be able to enjoy more years yet. Have a good Sunday Rachel. Allan
Thank you! You too!
I’m so sorry, Rachel. Dealing with a senior dog myself who has coughing fits. It’s hard.
It really is. But the love makes it worth the fear.
I’m so sorry, Rachel. Dealing with a senior dog myself who has coughing fits. It’s hard.
I’m so sorry about this latest post of bad pupster news. Elsa and I send our best ‘power of the paw’ healing thoughts and hope she rebounds though it appears a fully recovery is not possible. Enjoy every single moment and please give Ellie an extra tender ear rub from us. ❤️🩹
Thank you!
I hope Ellie will be with you for a long while. Take care.
Me too! Thank you!
Especially for animals, quality of life matters a lot more than quantity of life. It is hard on you to be on the brink of losing your other companion so soon.
It really is. Thank you!
I’m so sorry about this Rachel. Thinking of you and Ellie.
Thank you!
It is always so hard to lose our beloved pets. They just don’t live long enough! You will know when life begins to be too difficult for her to continue. Hugs
Thank you!
I hope Ellie proves the vet wrong. Dogs (and people) sometimes live longer than the medics predict – I’ve certainly had dogs who have gone on longer than the vet said they would. You obviously give Ellie the best possible quality of life, so hopefully she’ll want to stay around as long as possible. Fingers and paws crossed for her!
Thank you!
I am so sorry to hear the news about your sweet Ellie. I will pray for more time for her. Sigh. It is always hard when someone you love is sick and the doctors are trying to help by being honest. Hugs to you too my friend. Hug Ellie for me as well!!
Thank you!
OMG Rachel. I am so very sorry to read this. Bless Ellie and treat her always. Much love ❤
Thank you!
❤
I’m so sorry! And I hope the vet is wrong.
Thank you!
How horrific to deal with this so soon after your loss of Cricket. My heart aches for you. May the rest of Ellie’s time with you be filled with joy, comfort, and all the treats!
That’s the plan. Thank you!
We lost two much beloved dogs shortly after our much beloved mother passed away. We think they followed her to heaven. ❤
Oh no. Heartbreak impacts all of us.
Such a sweet girl! Prayers said for continued eating, drinking, and eliminating for Ellie — and prayers also said the vet is wrong (they so often can be). 🐶
Fingers crossed!
Take care and enjoy every moment
Thank you!