It was time to renew my social work license, five years after earning it, five years during which I haven’t been working in the field at all, and I felt torn. I mostly thought I should renew it, even if it cost money and took time, in case I wanted to work as a social worker again one day, but part of me wanted to burn that bridge, so I would have no choice but to focus on teaching and writing, without the option of an escape hatch.
I received the renewal notice by email a few weeks ago, and kept looking at it, wishing it would go away. Partly, I was afraid that the process of renewing my license would be complicated or stressful, asking embarrassing questions about why I wasn’t actually working as a social worker. And I was afraid that renewing my license would cost a lot of money, or require me to reach out to former bosses, or current bosses, for documentation, or that I’d find out that I need to do a lot more expensive and time consuming trainings in order to qualify for license renewal in the first place. But I was also afraid of finally giving up on the idea of being a therapist.
The thing is, my decision not to seek a job as a social worker was not simple. It came after six months of applying for jobs and getting nowhere, even with personal contacts or recommendations. The biggest problem seemed to be that, despite being a beginning social worker, I could only work part time, or less, because of my health issues, and, at least at that time, the jobs that allowed for flexibility and limited hours were not available to beginners. But I was also not sure I was actually ready to be a social worker/therapist.
Towards the end of my time in graduate school I had been telling my teachers and bosses and advisors that I didn’t feel prepared and that what I really wanted was a third internship to help me figure out where in the field I belonged, but they all said that I shouldn’t need such a thing and it wasn’t possible anyway, so just get off your ass and get a job. And I couldn’t.
I liked the idea of myself as someone who could help people heal. And I liked the image of myself as a respectable and responsible adult who goes to an office and actually makes enough money to buy nice clothes and go on vacations. And I wanted to fight for better insurance coverage for mental health, and to argue against the ubiquitous manualized, supposedly evidence-based short term therapy that only actually helps if you have a short term problem. But the reality of social work, eh, I didn’t love it. I hated the phone calls, and the office politics, and the paperwork, and the long hours, and the clothes I had to wear, and the constant criticism from bosses and clients and client’s families, and I hated the staff meetings and the family drama and on and on.
Oy.
When I was first offered the job teaching after school synagogue school, five years ago, I accepted with relief, thinking that it would be a good first step, and allow me to accumulate experience working with children while I continued to pursue every available avenue to improve my health and eventually get to work as a therapist, and I kept taking one or two trainings each year to keep up my skills, just in case. But five years later, my health is worse, not better, and more importantly, when I think about adding more hours to my work week I tend to think about more teaching and more writing, not social work.
And then the renewal notice came, and it took me five read-throughs to realize that it wasn’t even due for another five months (when I’m anxious I tend to skim things and miss important information), but I still felt like I had to hurry up and get it done. So after a lot of handwringing, I went to the website and opened the renewal form, and one of the first things they asked if I’d like to go on “inactive” status, which would be free, and could be reversed at any time. And I thought, “Oh! I didn’t know that was an option!” It sounded perfect and I felt much better, for a second, especially about the money I would not have to spend, but then the relief went away and the nagging worries returned, because it’s hard to let go of something that once seemed like the answer to everything, even when it didn’t seem like the answer to anything anymore.
And yet, I couldn’t convince myself to close the door on social work, given all of the time and money and hope I’d invested in that goal for so many years. So, I filled out the renewal form, which mostly consisted of checking a few boxes and paying the fee, and then I set to work planning more training classes, because, I don’t know, I guess I’m kind of stubborn.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my Young Adult novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
It’s good to keep your options open. Perhaps a favorable social work opportunity will show up.
You never know!
Good decision. Since you worked hard to get your license, it can’t hurt to keep it current. and it will keep doors open for you in the future whether you go through them or not. That way, no regrets, in my humble opinion.
I agree. Thank you!
you never know. Safety net??
Exactly.
Yay for you for keeping your foot in the door, Rachel. Inactivating anything is too easy to just let it go. Yes, the office politics and all those darn meetings stink, says this happily retired office worker–but you have your license…just in case. Excellent decision!
Thank you!
Good decision to keep on helping Rachel. There will always be a need for people who care. Enjoy your weekend. Allan
Thank you!
Oh Rachel, what you wrote took me back to my training in Early Childhood Education.I finished school, worked in daycare and after burning out, kept going back because of regret, guilt and because I wanted to do better and “get my money’s worth” out of the courses I paid for. I would go back, then quit, go back, quit again- a few times. I realized, that though I could be out-going, I needed to care for the introvert side of myself. Too many kids, too much planning, and the noise totally drained me. I enjoyed the job for some time but after a while realized I enjoyed the planning and decorating the bulletin boards more than dealing with the kids. I finally got out and stayed out, with a huge sigh of relief. No regrets.I returned to school to do things that I really wanted to do, following my heart.Not a lot of money, but more satisfaction.
That makes so much sense!
Good luck with it, Rachel.
Thank you!
Good to keep your options open! You never know. And if not, then it’s not that big of a deal!
Agreed. Thank you!
I hope everything goes well, Rachel.
Thank you!
Vous avez une chance alors vous pouvez réaliser vos rêves
Merci beaucoup!
Good for you, Rachel!
Thank you!
Proud of you for choosing to keep current, because you just never know. At the same time though also proud that you are following your heart wth the teaching.
Double thank you!
You made a sensible and insightful decision to renew your license. It’s always wise to keep your options open.
Thank you!
The LORD knows what the best configuration is for each us.
Ask for His help to understand your position, situation and needs, and identify what is best for you at this moment.
There are many variables to balance.
—
BTW, you have several followers on your blog!
And do you monetize your channel?
I looked into monetizing a few years ago and it made me feel uncomfortable, so I let it go. There’s so much goodness in just hearing from people and feeling heard.
Yes! I do the same.
I don’t have that many followers, but 100% JESUS is a free blog and don’t monetize it either; and I’m grateful to WP for providing the space.
(although DO NOT allow editing of comments)
Monetization is done from the MEDIA that WordPress hires and inserts into the posts of each channel to support the business, even on free channels; the greater the number of followers, the more views and the greater the PROFIT for the site.
How timely! I’m going through the same thing with my real estate license. As you said, the reality of it (paperwork, difficult clients, antagonistic real estate agents) makes me wonder if I ever want to do this again. Thanks for helping me make my decision!
So glad to be helpful!
The general consensus, and which I agree, is to keep your options open. So you “done good”!
Thank you!
“A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps” (Prov. 16: 9). Or as many others have put it: Life is what happens to you while you’re making other plans.
It’s true.
Keeping the door open could lead to more opportunities for you. Also your guess of your being kinda stubborn reminded me of your post “Cricket is the Most Stubborn Person I Know” and convinces me that your response to social work and the renewal form is something Cricket would also support, and I think her spirit continues more and grows by your resolve and follow-through. Fierce focused work while allowing yourself to be flexible. 😀
I love that idea!
I’m glad you kept it – you put all the work in, and you earned it! “Hey, Ya Neva Know!”
I think you are helping people with your blogs and stories—openly sharing your experiences and insights and letting people know it’s OK—is kind of a social workery thing. You may not be using your degree in the traditional way, but your writing is offering support in other ways.
Thank you so much!
Sounds to me like you made the right decision.
Thank you!
My wife had several renewals of both social service and activity director positions– even during times when they weren’t used. Occasionally a time would arise when she was glad she still had them– even if for some temporary employment. Just go with your heart and have a wonderful day, Rachel.
art
Thank you!
I’d imagine it’s hard for everyone to close the door on a career they’ve spent their lives training for. Changing your career path can be difficult.
Definitely.
“I hated the staff meetings and the family drama and on and on.” In a recent session with my psych-girl (Clinical Psychologist, a terminal degree costing about $500k) she said, “I have a doctorate in it.” [complex family relationships] Even though she also said (earlier), she is a “Third-wave Behaviorist”.
Indeed, you can’t “hate” your career–that’s a recipe for misery.
Hang in there.
Thank you!
Wow that’s awesome 👍. Congratulations 🎊
Thank you!
I have discovered that stubborn is a great thing to be.
Absolutely!