In my head there is a large choir
full of cacophony
and also harmony, sometimes.
I have all kinds of voices in my choir,
from too high to too low,
from too loud to too quiet,
from chaotic to orderly,
and everything in between.
I’m still not used to singing with my choir.
I don’t know how to train it
or coordinate it
or control it the way it needs.
There is no one conductor.
There is no one composer.
And there is no silence.
But there are moments
that sound beautiful to me.
And there are notes that I am happy to hear,
even just once in my life.
Maybe one day,
soon or in the future,
my choir will be able to create the beauty
and the complexity
and the hope
that lives in my imagination.
That is my prayer.
המקהלה
בָּרֹאשׁ שֶׁלִי יֵשׁ מַקְהֵלָה
מְלֵאָה בְּקָקוֹפוֹנִיָה
וְגָם הַרמוֹנִיָה, לִפְעָמִים.
יֵשׁ לִי כֹּל מִינֵי קוֹלוֹת בָּמַקְהֵלָה שֶׁלִי,
מְגבוֹהוֹת מִדַי לְנְמוּכוֹת מִדַי,
מְחָזָק מִדַי עַד שָׁקֶט מִדַי,
מְכֵּאוֹטִי לְמְסוּדָר,
וְכֹּל מָה שְׁבֵּינֵיהֶם.
עוֹד לֹא הִתרָגָלתִי לָשִׁיר עִם הָמַקְהֵלָה שֶׁלִי.
אַנִי לֹא יוֹדַעַת אֵיך לְהִתאָמֵן אוֹתָה
אוֹ לְתָאֵם אוֹתָה
אוֹ לִשׁלוֹט בָּה כּמוֹ שְׁצָרִיך.
אֵין מְנָצָחָת אָחַת.
אֵין מָלחִינָה אָחָת.
וְאֵין שֶׁקֶט.
אָבָל יֵשׁ רְגָעִים
שְׁנִשׁמָעִים לִי יָפִים.
וְיֵשׁ צלִילִים שְׁטוֹבִים לִי לִשׁמוֹעַ,
אָפִילוּ רָק פָּעָם בָּחַיִים.
אוּלַי יוֹם אֶחָד,
בְּקָרוֹב אוֹ בָּעָתִיד,
הָמָקהֵלָה שֶׁלִי תוּכָל לִיצוֹר אֶת הָיוֹפִי
וְהָמוּרכַּבוּת
וְהָתִקוָוה
שְׁחַי עָכשַׁיו רָק בָּדִמיוֹן שֶׁלִי.
זוֹ הָתפִילָה שֶׁלִי.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
And that is a good prayer.
Thank you!
This is lovely. I can almost hear the voices.
Thank you so much!
That’s very beautiful Rachel. It’s a short version of a long presentation I wrote dealing with Recovered Memory. I titled my presentation ” Voices”.
Your post captures the complexity and elegance of our inner voices
Claude
Thank you!
Beautiful, Rachel. Love the photo too!
Thank you!
“and there are notes that I am happy to hear,
even just once in my life.
Maybe one day”
Beautifully done Rachel
Thank you!
Rachel, you have real talent with your poetry. Your message, your choral imagery, and your beautiful use of words touch my heart. I share your prayer
Thank you so much!
Coincidentally this morning my head has been in a choir too. I spent a couple of hours enjoying old hymns being sung on YouTube.
Sounds wonderful!
Beautiful. I really like this one.
Thank you!
Wonderful and thought provoking, Rachel.
Thank you!
Well said my friend.
Thank you!
Amen to that beautiful prayer ❤️
Thank you!
I love your poetry. You are so descriptive with your words, letting their beauty create the underlying message so effortlessly. We do lose ourselves in the crowd at times and miss what is special in the life around us. In a choir or a band, even when our part doesn’t seem to be right, we know together with the other voices, the beauty comes through. Thank you for bringing us the beautiful parts.
Thank you so much!
Another well-done and meaningful poem. I really like that you then wrote it in Hebrew. Also, a reminder that you sweet girl linger on in spirit.
Thank you! Miss Cricket is still an inspiration!
This poetic approach to your thoughts works so well, Rachel. It’s as though you’ve taken a lengthy blog post and “translated” it into a new language. So well done!
Thank you so much!
Happy Thanksgiving, Rachel! ❤
Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, WordPress wanted my password (again) and didn’t accept what I’ve had on file. Then I had to re-subscribe here. So who knows whether this will get through, as I guess what I tried to send before didn’t. Anyway, I think the poem is impressive. I think the metaphor and frame of a choir works effectively, but then I’ve conducted choirs, and the voluneer groups have had all the cacophonous aspects you describe. Though more importantly you write on the inner dialogue that is a competition of voices and other insistences. With occasional harmony. And I agree with it all.
Thank you!
I’ve always loved the word cacophony…!!
Linda xx
Me too!
🥰