I’ve been reading through piles and piles of notebooks, and files and files on the computer, to see which of my writing projects still spark my interest; and unfortunately, they all do. I can sort of prioritize one, or two (or five) above the rest, but it’s like trying to choose my favorite dog and having to ignore all of the others. How can you look away from that sweet, lonely, hungry little dog?! What kind of monster are you?!
There are novel ideas in the notebooks, and novel drafts on the computer, and drafts of long essays and short essays, and children’s stories, and short stories, and mysteries, and even a science fiction story or two. And along with all of the writing projects, I also have lesson plans to write, and a ton of therapy work I still need to do in order to become the kind of functional adult who doesn’t need to crawl under the bed and hide (which hurts my back, honestly).
This is what happens when I try to open the creaky, dusty, long-closed doors in my brain. I know I have to do this every once in a while, if only to make sure I’m not leaving something important behind, but it’s overwhelming. And, of course, there are endless internal arguments over which ideas have the best chance of getting published, and which ones will be an exhausting waste of time, and why do I have to be a writer at all when I really should be doing something more useful with my life, or at least more practical. But I’ve been a writer since I first learned how to hold one of those fat red pencils in nursery school, and if I stopped writing it would feel like I’d stopped breathing. And, really, even if it looks like I’m standing still, I am frantically kicking my feet under the surface, like a duck; and yet I judge myself only by what other people can see.
At some point, hopefully soon, I will finish this reassessment period and be able to choose a few manageable goals to work towards and put the rest aside. And then maybe I can put off the next reassessment for a while, or at least make sure I’m better medicated by then.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
Perhaps you could write one of your books as a young adult, science fiction, dog as hero story. Somehow, you work time-travel into the plot, too. Of course, this is just another prompt to think about.
Oy!
Don’t forget to breathe, in between your assessing of projects. 💜
I will try!
You are a very sweet dog
Tzipporah looks much more settled now. Happy.
She’s better every day.
I hate reassessing. It took a long, long time before I got to the point where I could walk away from a project/idea that once seemed so enticing. Good luck pulling the gems that captivate you most from the lists!
I’m sure you’ll be able to prioritise
I will certainly try!
💛
What? Hurting your back hiding under the bed isn’t normal? Just being proactive on the monsters Ok?
Totally!
Great line: “And, really, even if it looks like I’m standing still, I am frantically kicking my feet under the surface, like a duck; and yet I judge myself only by what other people can see.” I’m in constant reassessment – the silver lining is that you have so many terrific writings to reassess – and i get that is also the burden….. wishing you a meaningful holiday – V
Thank you! To you too!
Be happy that you’re finding so many projects of interest. Many writers go back to their work and think “blah” I don’t want to live in this world again for a revision.
It’s a complicated blessing, but still a blessing. You’re right.
I get it, Rachel. But to keep from being overwhelmed by your “children,” pick the one that sparks the most excitement and energy and concentrate on just that one. If you are meant to write the others, they will be there when you are done 🙂 Have a lovely Sunday!
Thank you!
If you are having trouble deciding which project to work on, write them on little pieces of paper and draw on out of a jar. Or, you could number them and roll dice.
That could be fun!
“if I stopped writing it would feel like I’d stopped breathing.” I know that feeling. AS well as the overwhelment of unpacking one’s life. And trying to prioritize what needs doing next to move forward.
For me? That’s what the whiskey’s for. A temporary reprieve. And my psych-girl nods in agreement; but always adds, “don’t drink too much.”
You’ve summed it up so well in so few words. Cheers 🙂
Alas, whiskey and its ilk do not work for me. Thank God for antidepressants!
She is cute!
Self assessment is so hard, especially when there is so much to consider. It’s a good exercise though, and one I try to do a couple times a year, but know I’m lucky (or unlucky) if I get to it every couple of years. Good luck sorting through all that falls in front of you and all that you find in the corners of your mind.
There is at least a momentary sense of order when I finish my reassessment phase. My favorite part is when I can rip things up and throw them away. Such a relief!
That sounds like a most festive part. You even get to make your own ticker tape!
Trust – whatever it is will surface. In the meantime, what I find usually happens, I need to be patient. Patience has not been something I’ve typically embraced – wanting to ‘get on with it’.. Oh well…..
I will try! Thank you!
“I am frantically kicking my feet under the surface, like a duck; and yet I judge myself only by what other people can see.”
What a profound statement you slipped in at the end of this post. I love the way it made me pause…and think.
Thank you!
Rachel, I hope you can hone in on a suitable writing target. Best wishes on your search. Keith
PS – Jane Austin set aside “Pride and Prejudice “ as she did not like it as much as her sister did. So, she got back at it with her sister’s coaxing and refined it. The musical “Austin’s Pride” is about this effort as she battles with her characters.
So interesting!