Looking Forward

            Coming to the end of another school year means it’s time to reassess and plan for next year, but I’m not ready. My thoughts keep swirling and I can’t slow them down enough to make any decisions. I have yet another oral surgery coming up at the end of May (hopefully the last one, but I’m not holding my breath), and I’m exhausted from all of the effort that has gone into trying to get healthier when the only thing that improves, somewhat, are my numbers, rather than how I actually feel.

            I have lost most of the weight I need to lose, overall, but there’s still too much fat at my belly, which is specifically dangerous cardiac-health-wise, so I have to keep going, but each time the doctor has raised the dose of Zepbound, my depression has gotten worse and I’ve had to ask the psychiatrist to raise the dose of my antidepressants in response. The GLP-1 drugs are relatively new, so it’s not surprising that some side effects were underreported, but depression seems like a big one to have overlooked. I was warned about the gut issues, but not the dizziness on standing and not the depression, but it feels like I have to keep going anyway.

            I’ve been trying my best to look for other ways to raise my serotonin naturally, like singing more each day, or exercising more, but I’ve been so exhausted that even getting the laundry done feels like an insurmountable task. Whenever I get an idea, even a small spark, I write it down, somewhere, in the hopes that the small sparks will add up to something meaningful, someday. I’d love to spend more time singing with other people, and going to classes, and writing more, and spending more time with friends, but I don’t know how to get there. For now.

If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.

            Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?