- Butterfly’s new room
We are moving. We’ve lived in limbo, intentionally, for fifteen years, avoiding people and places that would remind me of where I grew up and what I had to contend with. This neighborhood has been my witness protection program. It’s not that I live in the country or out in the boonies, but it takes a while to get to the expressway and that’s an important point on Long Island. It takes a while to get anywhere from here. I will miss the privacy of living off a small road. We’re moving to a major road, near a high school and a train station. I’m afraid of being so visible.
I’ve been gradually moving back into the world, going to synagogue again, going to school, and finally moving into an area where I will run into people I knew before. I think I’m ready but there will be no way to be sure until I get there, and take the next step.
When we first moved here fifteen years ago, it was the beginning of April, and the trees smelled like honey. I grew up in a flat neighborhood, with wide green lawns and evergreen trees and tall, old maples and oaks and it was majestic, but monotone. Here it was pink and white and red and yellow. Someone told me that this neighborhood was where the gardeners for the gold coast mansions lived. So they would come home and experiment with color and shape and size and arrangement. It’s a nice story, if it’s true.
Autumn in the neighborhood
I will miss how familiar everything is. I know how long each route is; I know where the hills are, and where the road dips, and where a dog will bark.
I can’t imagine all the smells Cricket will miss from her five and a half years worth of walks in this neighborhood.
Cricket sniffing her neighborhood
I’ve worked so hard at overcoming my social anxieties, and I do a lot better now, but I still panic, I still feel overwhelmed. And then someone walks by with a dog and I’m a chatter box, asking the dog’s name, giving pets and scratches, talking about my dogs, forgetting to ask the name of the human, or offer my own name, or shake hands.
I feel such relief when I see a dog, of any kind. My autonomic nervous system calms down at the sight of a dog.
Nose kisses with Poochie
I’m better at collecting dog friends than people friends. I feel much more confident that I am likeable with dogs. People make me anxious and make me question my value. Dogs just boost my neurotransmitters and make me feel loved.
Cricket and Ursula, the boxing puppies
We made cards for our nearest neighbors and homemade dog blankets for three of the dogs Cricket and Butterfly love and will miss very much. But I felt awkward giving gifts and presuming we would be missed when we leave. And I was worried they would be mad at us for leaving and upsetting the equilibrium of the block. But it turned out that our neighbors loved us in return, and though they will miss us, they wish us well.
This was the picture on the card to say goodbye
A few years back, when I was walking Cricket around the neighborhood, we came across a tree that looked a lot like a chicken. I was still pining for my ex-boyfriend, a chicken enthusiast, and I wanted to believe that the chicken tree was a sign from the universe, that some part of him was still with me. The chicken tree gave me hope. This whole neighborhood has sustained me for fifteen years and offered me small gifts that have allowed me to hope that the future will be brighter and that moving forward will be a good thing.
The Chicken Tree
rachelmankowitz 
Beautiful post, stunning photos!! Wishing you every joy and success with your move and the great new adventure you are embarking on. May you find many new wonderful friends, both human and canine, who will love and support you just as much as the ones you are leaving behind.
Thank you so much! I think I spotted a Puggle near the new place. Fingers crossed!
Yaaaay! : )))xxx
I didn’t know you were from Long Island! We’re practically neighbors, as I’m right in NJ. Where are you moving to?
We’re staying on Long Island, just a little closer to the expressway, and the mall, and the twenty thousand other stores. This could be a problem.
It can be daunting leaving someplace where you are comfortable. You dogs will adjust and be so happy to be with you all will be forgiven. Hugs!
The girls are planning to drag me around the new neighborhood until every blade of grass is familiar. I think they’ve been hoarding maps.
Nice
Thank you!
Good luck on your new place… hope all will be well and you will find a nice neighborhood and alot of fourlegged friends for Cricket and Butterfly ..
Thank you! There’s a duck pond nearby, so if we can’t find dogs, Cricket will gladly bark at the little duck families.
Good luck with the move – great that you feel you can! The chicken tree is glorious. Look forward to news when you are all settled in.
Thank you! I will miss that chicken tree, but hopefully we’ll find something new. Can trees be shaped like giraffes? I’ll keep an eye out.
Wishing you the very best of luck with your move, and much happiness and peace in your new home.
Thank you so much!
Good luck with the move! Sorry you are leaving behind such a gorgeous neighborhood but if this is the next step in your journey I wish you, Cricket, and Butterfly the best!
Thank you! I’m going to try and borrow Butterfly’s zen attitude and Cricket’s enthusiasm and see how it goes.
What a beautiful, heartfelt post, thank you for sharing. All the best, wherever you are.
Thank you!
Best wishes on your move! As my high school students would say, “You’ve got this!”
Thank you! Cricket is planning on barking at the nearby high school students when they go out for lunch. I’m worried they won’t have such positive things to say in response, but we’ll see.
I shall echo the best of luck sentiment and add that with you you bring the skills that you so naturally used in your neighborhood to meet the dogs and then meet their people and you will use those skills in your new place as well. You are embarking on a new big adventure andt you have your dogs to help ground you through it! 🙂 Enjoy!
Thank you! I’m hoping the girls will hold my hands through the new challenges and not yank paws away in search of new sniffies, not right away at least.
Best wishes and a dash of exhilaration on a new beginning! Also looking forward to the updates on new friends, doggie and otherwise!
Thank you! I think I am starting to feel exhilarated. Exhausted, but exhilarated.
Looking forward to reading about your new adventures. I loved your reference to a “witness protection program.”
Thank you! I will do my best to record all of our new adventures, like sniffing trees, sniffing dogs, sniffing truck drivers, and whatever else Cricket has planned for us.
From what I remember of Longggiland, you’ll be asphyxiated if you’re living near an expressway-it’s a parking lot with all the engines going and it sucks up all the oxygen. I think, however, you probably chose well and I wish you the best. The chicken tree wasn’t to remind you that your former boy friend was a part of you, it was to show you that he was full of wind!
Kyla, you are heeeeeesterical! Don’t worry I’m not THAT close to the expressway, though the train does rumble past every once in a while. I think we chose a great place, with the help of our wonderful real estate agent, who said, at the closing, that she really worked for Cricket and Butterfly. The humans are incidental.
Goodluck in taking a brave step in getting out of a comfort zone. Your dogs are surely your best allies as they can help you bond with other people. I myself am surprised that just walking my dogs earned me two more friends from a block I wouldn’t otherwise have passed by. The chicken tree looked like a chicken with several heads. 🙂
Here’s hoping Cricket will stop barking long enough to let me make friends with some humans. She has very loud opinions about who should be walking where. Are you saying my chicken tree was a mutant? I wonder if it had super powers!
Omg! A chicken tree! I see! I love it.
I was so disappointed when the tree grew out of its chicken phase. But it was magical to see.
The greatest of luck to you on your new adventure! I know what it’s like to feel the need to avoid society and stick to dogs more than humans; and I am also in limbo having just moved from my comfort-zone to a not-so-comfortable place. I am all too familiar with the nervousness that comes along with getting back out into the world. Your story was beautiful and inspiring and I know you will find happiness in your new place. Keep taking those bold steps! P.S. LOVE the chicken tree. 🙂
Even the small steps feel like jumping off a cliff, but I’m working on it. Thank you for the good wishes.
All the best to you and your bestest pals in your new home
Thank you!
I love Butterfly’s new floor! 😀
Isn’t it shiny?
awesome post Rachel lovely photos and I am sure you will make new friends
I’m gonna try. Thank you!
This could be the beginning of a very good novel.
Wow! Thank you!
Love the photo of the girls for the card. I’m looking forward to reading about their adventures in their new neighborhood. All the best to all of you in your new home!
Thank you! I’m looking forward to finding out what those adventures are going to be.
Best wishes on your move!
big steps!!! i am excited for you.
Thank you! I wonder if these steps would be more manageable if I had four feet, like the puppies. Though, I can’t even imagine the cardio involved. No wonder they sleep so much.
feel for ya kid. keep moving forward, that’s all you can do.
Terry
Thank you. Deep breaths.
Rachel, I love the chicken tree and what it represents… it’s often think along those lines.
And I’m more comfortable with dogs than people too.
Ariel moved from a farm in Montana to a house by the sea in Bermuda. And she’s as happy as can be. I wish the same for you.
I’m going to try to emulate Ariel and imagine myself by the sea. Uh oh, Cricket is already barking at the waves!
Love the hardwood floors…You are wonderful and need to hear that..I know we all need to hear that more often!!!! I feel like I’m looking in the mirror when I read your post…So, thank you!!!! The chicken tree was a symbol indeed, and Im glad it filled you with hope…If you are able, please plant a tree in your new yard so that one day someone else may look at your tree and find new inspiration and hope…Enjoy this new journey. I hope everything goes smoothly and easily for you and yours, especially little Cricket and Butterfly!!!!
We brought a few little trees and berry bushes with us, so I hope they do inspire someone. Even if it’s me. Oh, and I love the floors too! Lots of sock dancing in my future.
I never really understood what “living in the moment” truly meant until I was diagnosed with Secondary Progressive MS. Now I constantly live in the moment and rejoice in all the small pleasures that occur each and every day. Find your inner peace Rachel and you will be well. Don’t let your fears overcome you. Believe that you are an amazing woman because you are!!
Thank you! Right now I’m reveling in Butterfly’s new habit of carrying her stuffed platypus with her on walks. She is the sweetest little flibbertigibbet.
bravely honest! Scarey to be moving (I haven’t done that since 1989 but just because I’ve not found any reason to!!LOL) but a positive move!! Great luck and fortune on your ‘major road’
Thank you! Here’s hoping I can stay in the new place for a long time. Moving is a pain in the butt!
What a beautiful tribute to a place that has been important and healing for you. I hope your move goes well, and that your new place quickly comes to feel safe and secure, like “home”.
Thank you! Fingers crossed!
Nice post, Rachel. Lovely ;pictures.
Thank you!
Good luck on your moving journey! Change and moving can be stressful, but after the stress comes the wonderful opportunities of exploration and discovery.
I went to the container store and was overwhelmed with possibilities. I have to remind myself that I’m still on a budget and moving doesn’t make me rich. But it kind of does feel like moving makes me rich.
Good luck on the move! I think moving is scary no matter who you are so enjoy the opportunity to explore new things.
Thank you! I’m getting really excited about the seven eleven around the corner. No, seriously.
Good luck on your new life adventure! Mama Jo and The Sundogs.
Thank you!
I totally understand your connection to a “place.” There are moments in our lives when we just get lucky to be where we are. I hope your luck continues in your new place. A friend once told me it wasn’t about the “place” at all. It was what I brought to it. You’re bringing the best: yourself and your dogs. Warmest wishes for much happiness.
Thank you! As long as I have my mom and the dogs, I’m where I’m supposed to be.
I would stop worrying over other people and what they think. Life is to short. Take a look at yourself threw your morals and values. If they are intact then you need not worry as the world needs more people that have good morals and values. Moving is very trying at the time. I moved from Philadelphia to very rural country. I could not have made a better choice for myself and my dogs.At the time i was so scared at living so far a way from everything. I was scared for no reason.
Congratulations on your big move!
It’s so hard leaving a place you love and are comfortable with and then trying not to look back through rose tinted spectacles. We’ve just done it to move to Portugal but I know we’ll love it here too. So I wish you lots of happiness for the future and thanks for liking my blog.
Thank you! And good luck on your exciting new home!
It’s never easy moving house/neighbourhood. I wish you and your lovely dogs all the best.
Thank you!
Lots of change going on–you’re the third person I’ve come across who is moving (including me!) May you attract whatever relationships feel most loving–whether dogs or people–to welcome you in your new neighborhood!
Wouldn’t that be wonderful! I hope the same good things come to you!
Small steps and remember to breathe. Mommy said she can so relate to the way you are feeling. We both wish you happiness in your move. XOXO – Bacon
Thank you, Bacon. Your humor has already helped me in so many ways, especially with the breathing.
Hi! I have just nominated you for the LIEBSTER Award. For more information, please go to: http://livingwithmyancestors.wordpress.com/2013/05/09/the-liebster-award/
Thank you!
Change is tough-no doubt about it-but I also believe that when we are ready(even when we think we are not) and it is time to move forward we do it-good luck with your move-
Thank you! I hope you’re right.
We put timber laminated floors in our new place and it took us ages to get used to the click clack, click clack of the dogs walking across the floor. Still at least they couldn’t sneak up on you :o) Good luck with the new move and I’m sure there will be dog people for you to and the girls to meet and make friends with. Thank you for stopping into my place.
Cricket finds that she doesn’t get enough attention from just click clacking down the hall, so she gallops. And if that doesn’t work, there’s always barking.
Rachel, it seems to me that you don’t need to “learn” memoir writing. You’re already writing it 🙂 Good luck!
Thank you!
I was wondering how a tree could look like a chicken, and there it is, a chicken!
Tada!
You are incredibly brave. I wish you happiness.
Thank you so much!
Rachel, this was lovely to read. I got a good sense of you. Good luck in your next steps…
Thank you!
There are times where I feel much more comfortable with dogs than with people. I have yet to meet a dog that I haven’t liked, sadly I can’t say the same for people. Dogs are great. 🙂
It’s amazing how likeable dogs are. I drive past a Rottweiler on a heavy chain and I think, oh, what a sweet puppy.
I would have so much more time for people if they were more like dogs. I wonder how many writers feel the same? There is something wonderful about the company of a dog.
The girls are resting next to the computer right now, ready for whatever comes next. Pancakes? Scratchies? Walk? Let’s go!
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