There are no bombs falling, no explosions or fireworks. The world looks pretty nice, actually, and everyone I can see looks healthy, even with the face masks. There are no workers in Tyvek suits walking the streets spraying for errant Coronavirus droplets. At least, not yet. So, while doing the right thing, and staying home, I feel a bit silly. It’s hard to trust the experts on television instead of what I see with my own eyes. The President clearly struggles with this, too, but those images from Italy and Spain are hard to ignore (the horror stories on Facebook, about monkeys in Thailand starving for the bananas they used to get from tourists, and pets in China dying while their people went into quarantine, and dogs being euthanized because people believe – incorrectly! – that pets can spread the disease, are too much for me to take in).
I’m also feeling guilty because my life has not been disrupted as much as the lives of other people. And I feel guilty for being so comfortable with this social distancing thing, and I worry that I will revert to my old levels of isolation and not be able to get back out of it once the threat of infection is over.
Mom was getting cabin fever every day for the first week of the shut down, and looking for any excuse to go out and do “essential” errands, but by the second week she started to settle in and feel the pressure to stay home (from me, mostly). Now, she’s focusing her excess energy on gardening, and sewing, and sitting in on Zoom sessions at Noon each day with the clergy from our synagogue. Her biggest source of anxiety is my brother, who is an emergency room doctor. He’s been downplaying the risks he’s under, but at least he’s been in touch and letting Mom know that he’s still okay.
The more pressing contagion, for me, is being created on social media. There’s this idea that we should be making the most of our time at home, by writing novels, and learning ten languages, and reading hundreds of books, and virtually visiting all of the museums in the world. I don’t know how parents are managing the pressure to homeschool their kids, with every kind of free and not-free educational resource being advertised everywhere, with the implication that if their kids don’t do three years’ worth of school over the next three weeks they will fail life forever. Earn a Ph.D.! Build a robot! Learn how to make a Coronavirus vaccine in your own basement!
I think people might be overestimating how productive this time at home can be.
The instinct for community seems to be strengthening though, even at my synagogue, where we are all about community building, all the time. This crisis has brought out even more awareness that we need each other; that we need to see each other. And it’s so important to us that we’re all learning how to manage Zoom – though a lot of the seniors forget to mute themselves, so while we’re trying to listen to the rabbi’s lesson on census taking leading to plagues in the ancient world, we’re listening to couples arguing about toast, or answering their phones. Sometimes I’m not sure they know they’re on screen, let alone audible.
Ellie and Cricket have been able to go to all kinds of synagogue services and committee meetings and Judaic classes now that synagogue is online, but they’re not sure what to make of it. Zoom, especially, seems to unnerve them.
We’re posting our synagogue school lessons on the website instead of doing Zoom conferences with the kids, though the idea of being able to mute my students at will is certainly tempting. I didn’t realize how much I missed my students until a parent sent me a picture of her daughter holding up her class assignment. The sudden thought that I may not get a chance to see them again this year almost broke me.
Another issue during the shutdown has been the disorientation. Reality keeps changing every five minutes, after a phone call or a press conference, and I can’t process it fast enough. All I can do is eat my popcorn (I’m on a new version of Weight Watchers that allows unlimited air-popped popcorn) and watch the news. I’ve been listening to a lot of music too (Yo-Yo Ma is an incredible comfort).
The supermarket has been the most obvious sign of the apocalypse, with empty shelves where eggs and yogurt and chicken and pasta and frozen vegetables used to be. When did Almond milk become such a popular commodity? And frozen spinach? And oatmeal? The toilet paper thing has been disconcerting to everyone. I thought it was just a Facebook joke until I went to my local supermarket for my first Coronavirus-shutdown-shopping trip and saw the empty shelves between the tissues and the paper towels for myself. People are weird.
There’s some relief to being in a shutdown, as opposed to the state of confusion we were in for the weeks leading up to it, when we were getting mixed messages from the President and the doctors and the news and social media; the constantly changing research about who would be impacted, and which measures could work to slow it down, didn’t help either. It’s a relief to at least know what’s expected of me now, though I still worry that people are looking at me funny when I go to the supermarket without a face mask (where are people getting all of these face masks?!).
Most of the time I feel okay, and prepared, but then someone will say something that makes me worry that I’m not thinking far enough ahead, and the worst is yet to come, and people I know will die, and food will run out, and the financial hardships will last for years in the aftermath of all of this. People are really good at creating disaster scenarios that I’d never have thought of on my own.
I’m worried for my brother and his kids. I’m worried for the elderly people in my life who are so vulnerable and so important to me. I’m worried about the impact the stockmarket will have on Mom’s retirement fund (an important source of income for our household). And I’m worried for myself, which seems selfish and petty when other people are in so much more danger. And I feel guilty, all the time, for all of my good fortune, and so terrified that it will go away.
I’m still angry that we didn’t get out ahead of this in January, when news from Wuhan, China was so devastating. And I’m angry that we didn’t have testing in place when other countries did, which meant that the virus was able to spread undetected for weeks, or months. I want to feel peaceful and Zen and accepting of my fate, and sometimes I do, but sometimes I really don’t. And it sucks.
My rabbi, who is hyper-rational and proud of it, was brought to tears seeing all of us on Zoom for his class about the concept of the Death of God after the Holocaust, because he does believe, as I do, in the I and Thou of God, the extraordinary Godness of community and togetherness, and how sitting in our separate homes we are still able to come together and learn.
Here’s hoping that as time passes, and the virus passes, we can catch joy and meaning from each other as easily as we catch fear. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?!
Fingers crossed (from at least six feet away).
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my Young Adult novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
“…the extraordinary Godness of community…” I am thinking on that!
There’s a lot of it going on recently, thank God.
Great writing; and I think it’s coragous to share such personal and hard painful memories! and stay safe!! thanks for liking my recipes! Marilyn
I never heard of Zoom until all of this started. Now I am on meetings with people on it . It is amazing what disappears from the shelves. I can not get chicken around here. I don’t want to search far and wide for it. Now online and utube religious services are becoming quite common.
It’s amazing how much of our lives can be lived online!
I thought I spent a lot of time online with the blog. However, now I am spending part of my time working remotely online, apps, and Zoom.
I can’t imagine that people I know will die, and that financial hardships will last for years. I’m angry too that the US government dropped the ball with testing. I feel like it hasn’t been criticized enough, and that more outcry should be made at how inadequate our healthcare and infrastructure really.
Stay safe, and take care.
You too! I think the anger is going to last a long time, and hopefully that will lead to productive change.
I agree wholeheartedly. Bring on productive change so that at least some good comes from all of this.
I think I’m completely nerved, too, Cricket. I cannot watch Trump. I keep watching reruns of the Cuomo brothers. I get the news and a chuckle, which I sorely need now.
Governor Cuomo’s Mathilda stories are a hoot. He was never my favorite person, but compared to Trump he’s a breath of fresh air.
Interesting post and also made me laugh hearing people’s domestic life on zoom. Yes some children will be under pressure. I don’t think parents should worry too much – we took our young children out of school for 9 weeks once to visit my family in Australia and it didn’t make any difference to their education.
The masses of educational programs being advertised on Facebook are giving me such anxiety, and I’m neither an elementary school student or a parent, so I can’t imagine the anxiety they’re feeling.
Well said. And I’m not getting the hoarding of the paper products either.
Cricket says it would make sense if all of the toilet paper was slathered with peanut butter. That’s her idea of dietary fiber.
I think if we are still for a moment, whether through meditation or just shutting off the white noise, we know what to do. What’s in front of us., that’s what we do. The dishes, the laundry, walk the dog. We aren’t different, more perfect people. We are who we have always been, having a collective and loving coming together by staying home.
“No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.”
Yes, Virginia, that’s absolutely right.
Be safe and take care, Rachel.
Lower your self imposed productivity measure. Take all day to do the laundry.
It actually DOES take most of the day, if you count the long nap necessary in the aftermath.
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Thank you for your honesty Rachel. These are difficult times, thank goodness for our families and our furry friends. I don’t think the US or the world will be the same after the virus passes. I actually find that the most interesting, and potentially comforting, part of this whole event. As a public health microbiologist (in the beginning of my career) I am fascinated. As one of those now over 65, I also find it horrifying to read about Italy and the decisions that have had to be made. Stay true and safe and well.
Thank you! I wish the science part fascinated me, but it just overwhelms me.
Well, I can tell you the toilette-paper craze is not strictly American. I don’t get it either but it was the first item people started hoarding here too…
Now there are other things not-in-stock like those face masks (here you could buy them at the pharmacy).
I suggest to you to treat all recommendations as just suggestions. To adopt or ignore as suits you (including my own suggestions). Some really do mean to help. Others may be inadvertently and even unknowingly guided by other motives.
Nothing is there but to try and take care and be careful.
That’s so smart! Thank you!
This is so, so good. I relate to a lot of what you wrote.
“I’m also feeling guilty because my life has not been disrupted as much as the lives of other people. And I feel guilty for being so comfortable with this social distancing thing, and I worry that I will revert to my old levels of isolation and not be able to get back out of it once the threat of infection is over.” ~ Same!
“I think people might be overestimating how productive this time at home can be.” ~ Okay, whew, I thought it was just me.
“Most of the time I feel okay, and prepared, but then someone will say something that makes me worry that I’m not thinking far enough ahead, and the worst is yet to come, and people I know will die, and food will run out, and the financial hardships will last for years in the aftermath of all of this.” ~ Same.
“I didn’t realize how much I missed my students until a parent sent me a picture of her daughter holding up her class assignment. The sudden thought that I may not get a chance to see them again this year almost broke me.” ~ Awww : -(
“I’m worried for my brother and his kids. I’m worried for the elderly people in my life who are so vulnerable and so important to me. . . . And I’m worried for myself, which seems selfish and petty when other people are in so much more danger. And I feel guilty, all the time, for all of my good fortune, and so terrified that it will go away.” ~ Me, too. Plus I’m worried about my kids and grandkids that are scattered all across the USA, especially my daughter in Washington state and my granddaughter in New York.
“I want to feel peaceful and Zen and accepting of my fate, and sometimes I do, but sometimes I really don’t. And it sucks.” ~ Ditto.
“Here’s hoping that as time passes, and the virus passes, we can catch joy and meaning from each other as easily as we catch fear. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?!” ~YES!! I’m voting for that!
Thank you! Stay safe!
Thanks! My new motto: Stay Safe and Stay Sane! 😀
Hope you and yours stay safe in these difficult times, Rachel!
Thank you! You too!
I always appreciate your honesty, Rachel, and look forward to the day when we will be free of the virus and fear and anger. I imagine that this is some of what daily living is like for people living through years of never-ending wars and devastation.
I hope we never get used to it.
Feel blessed that you have the love of your pups. They don’t know what is going on and all they want to do is love and be loved. They have the right perspective. You are the center of their world no matter what else is going on!
They are loving all of the attention!
After two weeks of isolation I finally went out to get some essential groceries. I found everything that I needed except a form of milk that I could drink. Looking at all of the empty cases and realizing that I was going to lose one of the last things that I am still allowed to eat I came close to bursting into tears. Such a small thing… in the scheme of things this is nothing.
I share your anger at the lack of action and misguided focus of the governmental response to this. In my darker moments I think that it was minimized for self-serving political and economic reasons. Now we are in for a horrific pounding that is hard to envision. Hugs to you, stay safe, and thank you for such a beautiful and reflective post.
Thank you! When I walked down the cereal aisle and came across the yawning void that used to be the oatmeal section I almost cried too.
Because of my illness I have really strict dietary restrictions. no alcohol, no salt, no fresh veggies unless they are in a smoothie, no lactose, no free sugar, no coffee, it just goes on and on. I’ve been good about the restrictions except for the coffee: I have one latte in the morning and a Starbucks in a blue moon. It’s kind of my way of flipping off scleroderma! Now there isn’t any milk that I can drink, and the latte is gone. It was kind of a last straw trigger to me. I know that it isn’t important at all in the larger picture, but I just want to wail about the situation that we are all in.
Here in Colorado the local message boards are venting about the “hoarders”, but the truth is you need to do some bulk buying to stay in for at least a week at a time, and now that people can’t get their meals at fast food joints they have to buy groceries. We’re seeing a shift in food procurement and it will take time for things to adjust.
We’re all struggling in one way or another. I think being able to complain about it helps.
As long as we can move past it!
I hope you and your nearest and dearest stay safe and well.
Thank you! You too!
This resonated so much, and made me smile at the same time. I notice my biggest tendency is to fill up time whenever I have down time and I immediately produced a list of all the things I could do. But what I really want to do is be quiet and listen to myself. This ‘filling up’ is just a fear reaction. I think we’re all experiencing so many emotions, and have so much in our heads, swinging from one thing to another. Stay safe and stay strong.
Sometimes I just give in and sit in front of the TV to take in all of the horror. As long as I don’t get sucked in for hours at a time, there’s some relief to knowing what’s going on and recognizing that everyone else is as confused as I am.
Your feelings of guilt resonate with me. Like you, I’m a homebody, so that change hasn’t had much of an impact. Where a lot of people tend to look at something bad that happens to them and ask, “Why me, Lord?”, I often look at bad things that happen to others and ask, “Why not me, Lord?” I think that to help suppress the guilt that it hasn’t happened to me, that I am healthy during this time because my health is in God’s hands and it is what He chooses.
I also struggle with so much information coming from so many sources that it’s difficult to know what is accurate. On social media, the virus is a big topic of conversation, with people spouting their opinions based on what they’ve learned from the news and media; my certainty is that everything is uncertain.
I hope you and your mom and the pups stay safe during this time. And for all of us, may we accept that this is definitely one of those times that it’s okay to not be okay!
The temptation to try to control something we have no control over is huge, but you’re right, uncertainty is inevitable right now.
Reblogged this on Ramblings and Ruminations and commented:
Rachel’s fear and guilt resonate with me, as I suspect is true for many of us!
Thank you saying people may be overestimating the productivity of this time. I have been home from work for a week now and utterly unable to write anything other than post cards, letters and fairly lame blog posts. The highlights of my day are when I go for solitary runs and walks, thankfully still allowed. I try to watch enough of the news to stay informed but not enough to give me a panic attack or plunge me into despair. Likewise Facebook. A delicate balance to be sure. Oh, and I’m not wearing a face mask either. A lot of folks don’t around here, based on my limited observations. Hang in there And pet your dogs for me!
The dogs have been needing a lot more reassurance lately, so they are thrilled with the virtual pats.
I would be doing so much better right now if I had a fur baby! Maybe in the next week or two…
Ooooh! Good luck!!!!
The toilet paper issue is here too, and I’m a toilet roll buff, counting sheets and working out value per roll in previous posts. I’m quite sad really, but then we’re on a tight budget LOL. Hubby and I have reduced our usage per go, and have got through just 2 toilet rolls this week (that would be 400 sheets) and that includes using it for blowing our noses! Will try and reduce that, watch my blog space hahaha.
I understand your anger perfectly Rachel. I am angry that I cannot walk Maggie as often as we used to, cannot chat to our friends or share a cuppa and biscuit, and angry I cannot go into a shop to browse or do our weekly shop. But needs must and I am prepared to do my bit in all this. Keep safe. ❤
We’re so lucky to have the back yard at our co-op, because I can take the girls out four times a day and rarely have to dodge other people.
We walk Maggie round the block but have got caught out in the park so avoiding that at the moment.
Rachel, thank you for sharing this. As always your honesty zings my heart. You and your mom (& now your courageous ER doc brother) are in my thoughts & prayers. Be safe! 🌟🤗🌟
Wonderful post and I loved the dogs comments!
We are seeing the extremes of human nature now. Many selfless people working in dangerous jobs still trying their best, while others joke about it not being real, and spread saliva on public transport handrails, or spit on meat and groceries in supermarkets, getting 500,000 hits from similar morons on You Tube. More than anything, it seems to prove to me that the division in western society is beyond repair.
Best wishes, Pete.
I didn’t know those videos were on YouTube, that is so bizarre!
They are on Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, and You Tube, Rachel. They should be taken down, but their popularity is generating advertising of course. It’s awful.
I’d heard that a woman was arrested for intentionally coughing on produce, but I assumed it was an isolated case. It’s so hard to imagine doing such a thing.
As long as you have Ellie and Cricket you’ve got quite the little community already. They’re your safe harbor, and they’ll help you stay grounded. My little characters certainly do.
They really do make the difference!
Your words are what my heart has been trying to say for days now. Thank you.
It’s not too bad here at the moment – we’re still allowed out once a day for essential shopping and exercise. The local golf club has shut, so there are no golfers on the course, which means dog walkers have the run of it, and the dog I’m fostering at the moment barks at other dogs which makes social distancing really easy. I’ve been attending sessions with my meditation group on Zoom, which calms me and the dog down. I’m trying to avoid all the negative scare stories, but like you I can’t help worrying about what might still be to come.
Cricket has been a champion of social distancing her whole life!
She’s got the right idea!
I think the worst part, beyond the deaths, of course, is all of the low to middle income people, who live paycheck to paycheck, out of work. While praying for help for them, I remember to remain thankful that both my husband and I can and do work from home now. Of course, who knows how outside circumstances will also affect that!
The guilt at knowing that others are suffering when I’m okay is a big part of this whole thing.
I think what you wrote resonates with so many of us, Rachel! The uncertainty is so hard. I was just chatting with a friend in Spain via Facebook message, and I mentioned that I was going to go outside in my own (private) back yard. Her response was to stay inside. I didn’t ask why, but as far as I know, the virus doesn’t just blow in on the wind. So it’s hard not to feel scared, or as if we’re doing the wrong thing, no matter what we do. And all the worst case scenario stories that people love to share really don’t help. The bottom line is no one really knows what is going to happen, and that makes us all anxious. All we can do is live our lives as best we can, and follow the rules that are laid down.
It’s amazing how quickly the rules change as new facts come in. We think we’re doing everything right by following the guidance and then everything turns on it’s head.
The writing is wonderfully crafted (crafting), and the voice is authentic. I don’t think this is a time of ease that we get to spend at home. We might forget this later, but there is a layer, a cloud over everything. We feel stressed, worried, fatalistic. We are also hopeful and faithful. To say the least, we are conflicted–and that is so well-expressed, here. Thank for your for promoting “Godness” and community. Thank you, too, for showing us that the more free time we have now (many of us have) is not free at all.
I am concerned for your brother and his family, too. I hope he and his remain safe and well.
Me too! Thank you!
I loved what you wrote and resonate with most of it. A funny moment in our Zoom prayer service. My husband looked up and said “Is that the lady’s butt?” It wasn’t of course, just a very very close up shot of two of her fingers. LOL
There is So much unintended humor over zoom!
Thank you Rachel. Your writing as always, is such a joy to read. It’s so honest and real.
“And I feel guilty for being so comfortable with this social distancing thing, and I worry that I will revert to my old levels of isolation and not be able to get back out of it once the threat of infection is over.”……..i hear you😃.
Please be safe, Rachel.
I’m doing my best. You too!
I have been mostly missing from the Internet for a bit. When I came to your site and saw your babies, my eyes filled with tears. I had not realized how much I had missed those precious girls and their Mommy’s wisdom. Great to be spending time with you three again.
Thank you so much!
Rachel, great post. Thank you.
Thank you for reading!
Those faces just made me smile. Look after yourself.
Thank you! You too!
I suspect we need to turn our fears into prayers. Be well and blessed, Rachel!
Thank you! You too!
I am concerned with how easily people are getting used to continually changing rules. I hate having my freedoms curtailed – and I hate being constantly told what I need to do. I will stay away from people because I normally do anyway, but I despair for this world if this continues long. I never thought I’d live in a country where someone needs a paper to prove he’s on his way to work – and yes, one of my friends has this paper from his employer. It breaks my heart.
If it saves lives, it’s worth the temporary discomfort. The danger is if our freedoms are curtailed in an ongoing way for reasons that are not in our best interests. That’s the part that scares me; the secrecy.
I agree. The scariest part to me is that I see so much of this as the result of making every little thing a crisis for the past several years. It’s the little boy who cried wolf, but now it’s serious.
I share your concerns, Rachel (some of which, like the suffering of neglected of animals, I hadn’t heard about till now), as well as your guilt feelings and hopes. Faith and community are everything. B’ezrat Hashem, we’ll come through it together.
We can use all the help we can get!
I know it is a bummer with everything closed too. Stay safe and keep well! There may be a sequel to this pandemic. 👎😨🙏
Eek! Stay safe!
You have clearly stated the ironic surreal life we are all experiencing. It is quite unsettling to say the least. But,, like you say when your eyes don’t agree with what you hear, you wonder what to think sometimes. Stay safe take care.
You too! Thank you!
I too feel terribly sorry for all the animals and people affected by the lack of tourism. We are a global society now. I do think that those of us with pets are at an advantage because we have emotional support right there, even with cats!
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I like your dog’s Zoom reaction picture! Reminds me of when my cat pawed the computer and then walked behind it, the first time, trying to find the person lol
I was pleased to see you popped by tonight, because I was thinking of you yesterday and hoping you were okay. Our experience of the virus is quite different here in Australia and the medical impact is being contained, which is a huge relief. As you may recall, I have an auto-immune disease and lung damage so I have to be particularly careful. About a month or so ago, my husband started asking me about my evacuation plan and it didn’t sink in for a few days and then I realized he was serious. The situation was serious and with him and the kids out in the community, I’d need to withdraw. We bought a camper so I could evacuate to the backyard, which we thought was inevitable. However, they’ve locked everyone in social isolation and Geoff is working from home and the kids are doing their school work online from home at least occasionally. I am totally satisfied with how things are being handled here and the advise from our Deputy Chief Medical Officer. He appears daily on the news and has become, I suspect, the most trusted man in Australia. He’s a scientific type not a PR animal and very genuine. He mentioned how his daughter had lost her job and how they have family overseas and so his family is personally impacted, which I liked. He deliberately placed himself as one of us. I’m trying to support a bit of business and local takeaways while also seeing this as a chance to clear my credit card debt. It’s minimal but it would be good to sit on a zero balance. Bought myself some new pyjamas thinking that’s all I’ll be wearing for the next 3-6 months except for when I’m out walking the dogs.
Anyway, I’d better keep going.
Sounds like things are going much more smoothly in Australia than in the United States. Many curse words come to mind to describe the leadership here. But the dogs are enjoying it, so it’s not all bad. Stay safe!
Hahaha, I love the opposite of “unnerved.” Gonna use that!
Thanks for the like at Elm Dive Images, Rachel. STAY WELL and keep posting for us.
I agree: People suck. Especially people who dump their 4-footed family because they’re afraid of getting COVID-19 from them. Where, pray tell, would they possibly get it from in the first place?
It is almost as disturbing that places of worship are banned from congregating while liquor stores and abortion clinics can remain open. It is a sign of the times that places of worship are designated non-essential, but you can still get drunk and have an abortion.
The ban on going to places of worship is about social distancing, not about whether religion is an essential part of life. Abortion is healthcare, and buying alcohol is generally something people do one at a time rather than in groups. I feel so lucky that my synagogue has moved online for the duration; if anything, I’m seeing more of the clergy and my fellow congregants than ever before. I wish everyone could have such a supportive community to rely on during such a difficult time.
I differ in opinion about abortion. I don’t see it as “healthcare.” If there is an emergency abortion needed, there are hospitals. I have been in crowded liquor stores before (when I was able to drink) and my first husband was a violent alcoholic. When people go to drive in theaters and are 6 feet away from the next car, I can’t see why anyone would be compelled to disband the service. Subways in NYC are still crowded and NY & NJ have 50% of the coronavirus cases. As my dad used to say, “Somethin’ ain’t right.”
The inconsistencies in the rules are definitely disconcerting. And it’s scary how often the lives of the “essential” workers seem to be taken for granted. I haven’t been in the city since all of this started, but if the subways are full, they are full of those essential workers, and there should be extra train cars and extra running of the trains, so that people can keep their distance. Most essential workers aren’t choosing to risk their lives for us, they are forced to, because they need their jobs in order to survive. I keep hoping that smarter people than me are thinking and planning ahead, but I keep being disappointed.
I think ESPs (Extra sensitive people) like you and I are especially prone to false guilt. I have to remember that if I am doing my best to do the right thing, that is all I can do and God knows my heart and has grace for my failings. It doesn’t help anyone (rather, probably negatively impacts my family and definitely my mental health) for me to take on the burden of guilt when I’m trying.
You nailed it! I’d been thinking similarly about the push for productivity for this time. I love that we both have Yo-Yo Ma on our playlists!
Music is such a relief in the midst of all of this.