I’ve been in the same online Hebrew program from Tel Aviv for more than a year now, but each semester feels like a new experience, with new challenges. For the first session of this semester, back in late October, our new teacher spoke quickly and mostly in Hebrew, only clarifying a few words in English here or there, and yet, I was able to follow most of it. A year ago I would have been lost and intimidated and now I’m not. I’m still not fluent, but I’m much closer.
One of the obstacles to overcome each semester is the renewed feeling that I’m the worst student in the class and have the least interesting life and the least impressive resume. My teachers keep telling me that I’m underestimating my fluency, but I’m the one inside my head, grasping around in the dark even for the words I thought I knew well. I do fine with homework and conjugations and vocabulary, but making conversation is hard enough for me in English, with all of my social anxiety, it’s that much harder in Hebrew, with the words endlessly trying to escape from my brain. Generally it takes me a few weeks to remember that everyone in the class is a flawed human being, just like me. I wish I could have mastered this lesson by now, but I guess I should be grateful that it eventually kicks in at all.
I’m still not sure what my goal is in studying Hebrew. Is it about going to Israel for a visit? Or just wanting to learn about Israel in more depth? Is the next step in my journey secular or religious, an activity, or more studying? I just don’t know.
This semester we’ve started to read Facebook posts in Hebrew, and other instances of natural Hebrew existing in the wild, to build our reading comprehension, but it has the effect of making me feel like an alien and uncool, now in two different languages.
One of the new things we’re doing this semester is that instead of watching one TV show from beginning to end, we’re watching single episodes of reality shows (not like “Married at First Sight,” which we watched in a previous class and that I keep trying to wash out of my brain), getting to hear different accents and different vocabularies with each show.
The first thing we watched was an episode of a show called “Makers,” where a team of creative craftspeople made new hearing aids for a hard of hearing singer, so she wouldn’t have to deal with so much static when she put her headphones on in the studio, and then they created a smart house set up for a pair of born-deaf adult twins who needed help knowing when someone rang the doorbell or when the alarm clock went off. They put light strips in every room, even in the bathroom, and programmed the lights in different colors for each alert: like the phone, or the door, or the sirens telling them to find shelter when rockets came from Gaza. And for one of the sisters who struggled with getting up on time, they attached a light fixture to her alarm clock that gradually grew brighter the longer she ignored it, and then if she was still sleeping, a fan would go on and blow in her face to finally wake her up.
We also watched an episode of a show called “On the Napkin,” about Israeli chefs, and the episode we watched was about a Japanese cook in Israel, married to an Israeli man for forty years with three adult children, and now she’s serving homestyle Japanese dinners in their dining room/restaurant every night, sourcing tofu and mushrooms and greens from nearby farms.
But the story that really got to me was from a show called “The Recording Studio.” The episode we watched was about a twelve-year-old autistic boy who wanted to record a song for his longtime teacher’s aide. His parents came with him to the studio, but he explained everything himself, telling the host of the show that his aide was so special to him because she’d spent years teaching him how to relate to his non-autistic classmates, teaching him how to speak their language so that he could live in their world and make friends. He said that it would take a degree in psychology to learn the autistic language, so he had to be the one to learn how to understand them. During rehearsals, he not only played piano and sang, he also made sure to communicate as clearly as possible with the host and musicians about what he wanted, and confronted them when they were making assumptions about what he could and couldn’t do, or which truths he could and couldn’t handle.
When his aide finally came into the studio, he hugged her and introduced her to all of the musicians, and then he sang the song with the band, and his teacher and his parents were in tears. It was so clear that she really had set him free from a lonely place, and that she had taught him how to relate to other people and feel connected to them, while still being himself.
Sometimes, out in the real world, I feel like that autistic boy, trying to translate all of my thoughts and feelings into a language other people can understand, and wishing they could speak my language instead, whatever that is. So maybe that’s why I am so drawn to learning languages in the first place, and why I’m working so hard to learn Hebrew in classes full of other people with their own internal languages and stories to share. Hearing about the countries they live in (Israel, Holland, Spain, Belgium, Germany, Italy, Poland, America, Croatia) and the reasons why they want to learn Hebrew (planning to move to Israel, already living in Israel but wanting to speak the language, discovering a Jewish identity, trying to make peace with a Jewish childhood, wanting to talk to Israeli grandchildren, joining an Israeli dance company, or, very often, marrying an Israeli), helps me to feel hopeful that one day I will find the words to say what I mean and, in the meantime, other people will work hard to understand me, just like I work hard to understand them. And the hard work feels worth it, whether I become fluent in Hebrew or not, because the process itself is helping me create connections all over the world, and in my own brain, to help me understand myself.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, please check out my Young Adult novel, Yeshiva Girl, on Amazon. And if you feel called to write a review of the book, on Amazon, or anywhere else, I’d be honored.
Yeshiva Girl is about a Jewish teenager on Long Island, named Isabel, though her father calls her Jezebel. Her father has been accused of inappropriate sexual behavior with one of his students, which he denies, but Izzy implicitly believes it’s true. As a result of his problems, her father sends her to a co-ed Orthodox yeshiva for tenth grade, out of the blue, and Izzy and her mother can’t figure out how to prevent it. At Yeshiva, though, Izzy finds that religious people are much more complicated than she had expected. Some, like her father, may use religion as a place to hide, but others search for and find comfort, and community, and even enlightenment. The question is, what will Izzy find?
rachelmankowitz 
Rachel, I so hope you have the opportunity to visit Israel. It’s a life changing experience. I’m sure your little guys hope so, too. Rocky & Missy always seem to understand how important it is for John & I to see some of the world. I am getting ready to learn Finnish! Listening to Finnish talk radio. Don’t understand a word, but training up my ear.
Good luck with your class!
Thank you! I think Ellie would try to burrow into my suitcase!
I LOVE learning and teaching Hebrew! I am always fascinated how modern words have such deep (sometimes not at all obvious roots) – enjoy your class! Watch Israeli shows – did you see Shtissel?
I’m finally watching Shtissel now, and it’s wonderful!
I’ll be happy to recommend other shows if you want
That would be great! Thank you!
Cute dog!
Hapoy Hanukkah!
Thank you!
Did you watch Fauda? Srugim? HaShoter haTov?
Not yet! Thank you for the list!
🌟🌟🌟“natural Hebrew existing
I commend you for sticking with your Hebrew lessons. There will be some primary sticking points for awhile, then you’ll hit your stride and fluency will fall into place. In my personal experience with languages, reading and writing come relatively easy. The verbal, conversational aspect is more difficult. Meanwhile, immersion in the culture is the fast-track to comprehension and expression.
The cultural stuff is so much fun!
Yes, it’s the icing on the cake.
I love the parallels you drew between the comment about why the boy worked so hard to learn the predominant ways of communicating and your interest in learning other languages. The post flows beautifully.
Also, a fan in my face would definitely work as a last resort to wake me up. 😀
Ha! Thank you!
Rachel, learning any new language is an experience in personal growth, and being fluent in Hebrew clearly speaks to your heart and your soul. You should take pride in your commitment and your success.
Thank you!
I am really enjoying your writes. Thank you so much for sharing who you are with us. 🙂
Thank you so much!
With such a strong desire to learn, I am sure you will be successful.
Thank you!
My daughter, who now speaks five languages, says there’s a point in any language when it all suddenly falls into place. For French, it took five months of total immersion for most things to click. For Vietnamese, it took almost 13 months of total immersion. So hang in there.
I will! Thank you!
This is good advice.
To make connections to people all over the world and to understand are both fabulous reasons to learn another language! Good for you!!!
It’s a lot of fun!
Rachel, loved your post today, and especially about the autistic boy. Still wondering why you’re learning Hebrew? My experience has been that there is always a purpose in things, and it is often later that the Lord reveals something new happening that those skills we learned , life experiences we’ve had, are essential. Can’t wait to find out what great thing is in store for you!
I love that way of looking at it! Thank you!
Read Yeshiva Girl and loved it!
Thank you so much!!!!
It never goes to waste when you learn something new. Keeps your brain stimulated. It’s quite the undertaking so don’t sell yourself short and think you’re not good enough or you can’t do it. You’re miles ahead of a lot of people who just sit and wish instead of actually doing it.
Thank you!
Wonderful story about the autistic boy. I saw a programme on one autistic young man who had never played the piano at all yet sat down and played the most beautiful music. Finding ways to communicate in any language, be it verbal or otherwise, is wondrous. Lovely post Rachel.
Thank you so much!
Kudos to you for sticking with it–and those voices in our head. Not fun, are they? They bring out all the negative self-talk. Don’t listen! Just keep on plugging.
I will try! Thank you!
Lovely post, Rachel! You always inspire.
Thank you!
I love to learn, keeps me moving I think. Keeps the “little grey cells” moving, hehe
Absolutely!
Fascinating that you watch Israeli TV to learn language. I’ve often seen people express that they learned English from American TV.
It really helps!
you’re obvi bright as said by your teachers!! 💗
Thank you!
You’re so welcome! ❣️
So well written! I love the connection towards the end.
Thank you!!!!
Rachel – I speak 11 languages but only a smattering of Hebrew. It is a language that I need to learn in full but at my age, who knows? Thanks for a great post!
Eleven languages suggests you’ve got it in you to add another!!!!