Those puppies really liked me
When I was fifteen years old, my mom and I spent two weeks visiting my aunt in Paris. It was August, and my aunt told me that we came at the wrong time of the year, because everyone was away on vacation and there were no kids my age left in all of Paris. I discovered for myself that August was a bad time to visit because the heat is unbearable and my aunt didn’t believe in air-conditioning.
I remember noticing that there were dogs on the subway, but I don’t have a strong memory of the dogs on the streets of Paris. Maybe a lot of the French dogs were in the country for August with their owners.
A few weeks before we left for Paris, my dog, Delilah, died. And I missed her. The hope was that Paris would rejuvenate me, and Mom too. We would see the city of lights and be inspired, and hopeful. I’d spent two years learning French and being indoctrinated into the romance of Paris and cafes and the Seine and the museums. I didn’t know that I could still be depressed in Paris.
I had panic attacks. I was afraid of everything that summer: heights, food, buses. I was dizzy and sick to my stomach and anxious all the time. We found out later that my thyroid had burned out and that a lot of my symptoms were related to not having enough thyroid hormones, but at the time, I just felt awful. I was afraid to walk up the glass steps at a museum, because I could see the floor below me and I could picture myself slipping through the slatted steps to my death, like a long legged Flat Stanley. I kept trying to put my foot up on the next step. But I couldn’t do it.
It was a week and a half of that. Feeling frightened, and guilty for being such a burden, and lonely, and struggling to remember any of my two years of French.
And then we found the puppies. I thought we were just going from one flower shop to another. There are so many outdoor markets in Paris, for cheese and vegetables and flowers. But it never occurred to me there would be a row of puppy stores in the middle of it all.
Everyone in Paris seemed so aloof and sophisticated and cool and hard. And I am none of those things. All of my vulnerable, soft, lonely, hopeless feelings were rising to the surface. And then there were the puppies. And what are puppies but soft and loving and needy and vulnerable and desperate to be held and chosen and taken care of and shown attention.
I wanted to climb into the cage with the puppies and snuggle, but I was too big and the cages were too high off the ground. But I felt better. One nose kiss at a time, I started to feel better.
Poodles! In France!
rachelmankowitz 
What a beautiful story, so beautifully written.
I love the name “Delilah” too. I once had a ferret named Delilah.
Thank you.
So sad that you were ill, heartbroken and depressed in Paris. August is not the best time unless you like heat and beating the crowds. It’s also a city for the young adult really, not children. At least there were the puppies 😉
Puppies do make everything better.
Nothing quite like puppies to lighten anyones load in life. I hope they got the thyroid issue sorted quickly. How horrible to feel like that.
Hormone medication for life. But I think the real answer was getting another dog. Life is always better with a dog.
“Life is always better with a dog.” I couldn’t have said it better myself! 🙂
Puppies have a way to heal. Childhood experiences of unconditional love tend to shadow us for the rest of our lives. You needed comfort and warmth…and they provided it.
And Paris is always a nice setting for a story…
I’ve been watching puppies on Animal planet lately, and it’s like some kind of vitamin for my brain.
I have no desire to go to Paris. It may be hot in August, but I’ve heard horror stories about the cold people.
From what I saw of the couples along the Seine, not so cold. A little liberal with the public displays of affection, but I’ve gotten used to that with the dogs.
Beautiful story, I love it. But then, of course I would! Dogs (and puppies) make everything better. 🙂 By the way, that’s why I chose Italy over France for manufacturing, friendlier people!
Someday I’ll have to give Italy a try. For the gelato alone.
Such a beautiful story, it is surprising how a cold wet nose and a dogs kiss can make you feel.. Even at your lowest ebb in life, that unconditional love from a dog, makes the most gloomy of days brighter.
It does. I had the opportunity to give a friend’s Golden Retriever a thirty minute scratching session yesterday, and we both felt much better for it.
very sad, nothing sweeter than a pup to cheer you up.
I was at a market today, however, and a lady had an old spaniel her daughter had found trying to make a bed for himself in the local park.
We think the poor old chap had been abandoned! He was so confused but such a lovely old boy. I wish people didn’t feel that old dogs were no use, they can be such a joy.
If we hadn’t just taken on and old dog, I’d have been more than tempted.
I hope he gets a nice home.
I hear more and more about people adopting older dogs. At the shelter I went to they have a program for seniors adopting seniors, with lots of discounts on vet care and grooming. I think that’s a great idea.
Great reminder of how healing dogs can be! Take a look at my newest blog about sleeping dogs and how calming they are. I think the pics will make you smile! http://4thedogs.wordpress.com/2012/12/09/more-on-sleeping-dogs/
I saw it and I did love it!
Thanks!
I like to kiss my human daddie’s ear. Don’t know if it makes him feel better but it makes him giggle ( and sure tastes nice! )
There’s nothing like puppy kisses!
That is such a sweet story! I can imagine feeling exactly as you do if I was there. I also at 15 suffered from panic attacks, and depression, and often found myself have such a thinner skin-emotionally wise- than others. It’s also around that time I realized how truly blessed I was to have this little dog by my side all the time. I’m really pleased I stumbled across your little blog, and can’t wait to get to know you more! 🙂
I remember seeing a story, may have been on Oprah last year, about a woman who had an anxiety dog with her all the time. And I started screaming at the TV, “I want one!” If I could bring my dogs with me everywhere, I’d be going a lot more places.
Yea, I know about this too. Herein Canada you can actually apply to get a dog for your anxiety through the government. Where they will simply pay for your dog.I never bothered trying to apply but it seems like it would make sense!:)
Wow. Do they train the dog for you?Canada rocks!
Probably, might even pay for their medical care too not sure on that. I heard about it because my friend was thinking of doing it with her younger son to help with his anxiety.
Gah! I Swear your blog makes me want a dog again so bad. Stupid apartment complex and their anti-doggie policy 😦
I’ve been looking for an apartment on Long Island and one of them said you can only have a dog under five pounds. Probably a misprint but funny. How about a teacup poodle? You could hide it in your jacket.
Puppy Power in Paris! Great story. – DogDaz
Thanks!
Nominated your blog!
I gave you a award/nominated you whatever it is! Here at: http://kirbysdawgblog.wordpress.com/2012/12/17/am-i-now-a-dog-whisperer-and-the-next-big-thing/
Thank you!
Puppies can make everything better *snoogles*
Absolutely!
Thank you for such a touching story. Brought warm memories of our trip to France (when we lived in Germany for 4.5 years) with our German shepherds (mixes), Gretchen and Rudi. We got so many compliments on their beauty! The French love dogs! Well, just like Germans. We had no problem eating in restaurants in both countries- dogs ARE allowed to go inside!
I can’t imagine the damage Cricket could do in a restaurant. The food part would go over well, but the other patrons? The waiters getting too close to the table? It would take about two minutes for us to get tossed out on our butts. But she would have loved walking around in Paris. The sniffing alone would have held her for a decade.
Lovely story!!… and thanks for visiting Frodo’s blog! He is a mighty proponent of having at least one human as a pet. I think that I’m a handful (wink) so he doesn’t mind allowing me to live as the “only human” for a while. And yes, I do believe that he would agree that humans can be great therapy for those with fur….seems like we were all made for each other! 🙂
I feel guilty imagining that I am as good for the dogs as they are for me. But then they give me this horrified look when i dare to leave the house without them and I think…I am going to get a big head from this.
What a lovely post!! Thanks for visiting my blog! 🙂 Shandra
Thank you for visiting me too!
Hi Rachel,
So sorry to here about the passing of Delihah and your sadness prior to the puppies. It’s probably best that you could not fit into the cage to pet the dogs. I hear French dogs are hairy! Get it??!!
With Warm Aloha,
Pam
Aloha! I think my dogs would like it if I stayed home and they got to go to Hawaii. They are checking their schedules right now.
Great post, Who knew one could feel so sad in such a beautiful city. It’s a good thing you found puppies. They make everything better.
They really do. Thank you.
Irresistible!
Thank you!
What a delightful story!
Thank you!