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Cricket’s Commandments

 

Cricket has something to say.

Cricket has something to say.

Cricket has a long list of rules for how we must behave in her house.

  • I am the big dog and no other dog shall come before me.
  • Thou shalt not wash my poopy butt.

    "Never."

    “Not ever.”

  • Stealing my eye goop is a killable offense.
  • Thou shalt not read a book when I want scratchies.
  • Thou shalt not douse my neck with Frontline.
  • Butterfly shall never have more treats than me.

    "No?"

    “Never?”

  • Butterfly shall not sit on the couch, or on a lap, unless she is getting her blood tested, which leads to treats for me.
  • If Butterfly gets scratchies or treats, I must get more scratchies and more treats.
  • Butterfly can never leave the house without me, because she might get treats I do not get.
  • No one shall walk up and down the stairs in my building, or open and close doors, or God forbid, bring the mail!

But Cricket has just as many rules for her own behavior as for ours.

  • If there is a leaf, I must catch it.

    "Mine!"

    “Mine!”

  • If there is a squirrel, I must chase it.
  • If there is a weed, I must grab it with my teeth and tear it from the ground.

    "Grr argh."

    “Grr argh.”

  • At bed time, I must crawl under Mommy’s bed and leave a paw out to be noticed.

    "You can't see me, can you?"

    “You can’t see me, can you?”

  • When Butterfly gets her blood tested, I must stand in the corner, between the two couches, and stare across the room at the bag of chicken treats.
  • If at all possible, I must poop in the planting boxes.
  • After a bath, I must run like a crazy dog and dry my butt on Mommy’s bed.
  • When I am angry, I must pick up a tug toy and taunt Mommy with it.

    "You can't have it!"

    “You can’t have it!”

  • When I am grumpy, I must hide under the couch.
  • When I am lonely, I must climb on a person for warmth, and ignore any protests.
  • If no one wakes up at two AM to take me outside, I am free to poop on Grandma’s green quilting mat in the living room, or under the dining room table.

Cricket’s number one rule, though, is: Cricket must never be left alone. She insists on this and treats us like criminals when we dare to leave her behind in the apartment. She’s not destructive. She never chews a pair of shoes or destroys a box of toys while we’re gone, she just mopes. She gives very impressive grumpy face. It’s like when a parent doesn’t punish a child for bad behavior but just looks at them and says, “I am very disappointed in you.”

"I am very disappointed in you."

“I am very disappointed in you.”

Cricket has quite a few more rules in mind, but has had a harder time insisting on them. No one listens, for example, when she says that she should get a whole roasted chicken for breakfast, or a chocolate bar for dessert. And she has yet to convince either of her people to let her go out and play in traffic. Harrumph.

About rachelmankowitz

I am a fiction writer, a writing coach, and an obsessive chronicler of my dogs' lives.

128 responses »

  1. Mary Michelle Scott

    This is so funny 🙂 They are adorable!!

    Reply
  2. That is an awful lot of rules, I love it, it makes Cricket who she is lol. Our Beagle Tuck had a lot of rules, that was a huge part of his charm. 😀

    Reply
  3. I am glad Sissy is less demanding!;)

    Reply
  4. Cricket rules! Why do I love this?! 😀 My very favorite is hiding under mommy’s bed with a paw sticking out. Cricket–you are way too cute!!

    Reply
  5. ramblingsofaperforatedmind

    Jinx also insists that she must grab leaves…..and sit on us whether we like it or not.

    Reply
  6. Riley feels Cricket’s pain of mom trying to steal all her eye goop. What’s life without eye goop?

    Reply
  7. Junior has the Never be Left Alone rule too
    And he has strict rules about timeliness of meals. I am starting to suspect he has a new I -watch on order.

    Reply
  8. Just love Cricket’s “grumpy face”!

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  9. Our Annie absolutely abhors any effort to actually touch her nails. Trimming or clipping is firmly discouraged!

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    • The last time I saw Cricket tolerate having her nails done was when she was eight weeks old, in the arms of the breeder. When she goes to the vet they have to hold her still, and work in teams

      Reply
  10. I love this! I can see elements of my three brats in all of it. In fact, I think the beagle needs to write his own rules so we can clearly understand and obey them. LOL!

    Nancy

    Reply
  11. I would not like to be on the receiving end of those disappointed looks. Your photographs are wonderful!

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  12. Such a joy to read your writing, and the photography and captions were particularly darling this time. I, too, love the “grumpy face.” I can’t say I have seen a dog with much more personality than that!

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  13. I love ‘Thou shalt not read a book when I want scratchies.’ That commandment is put forward in our house, too! Great post, Rachel!!!

    Reply
  14. My little Gidget had rules ,too. She passed away 2 wks ago. I miss her lots.

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  15. Great post! I hope Bumble doesn’t read this. I’m still laughing at the paw sticking out from under the bed 😀

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  16. Cricket needs a straight jacket. I suspect that her affection for chocolate comes from the sugar content (which isn’t good for anyone). Give her dark, un-sweetened stuff if you must. The sweet stuff isn’t good for anyone (pet or human).

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  17. Having lost Ulysse, our Wire Fox Terrier, a couple of months ago, our JRT Trevor was just settling into his new role of only child, when we took on the job of fostering two other dogs whilst their mum is in hospital. These are a GSD cross and a similarly-sized gundog.
    Trevor is having a very difficult time enforcing his rules…

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  18. Love the first photo!!! Made me chuckle 🙂

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  19. Lucky her, to have a mummy who understands her rules! She is the cutest…

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  20. I think i like these rules and i would like to implement some of them myself! Very good post, really enjoyable made me smile, especially the leaf one! 🙂

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  21. Such a great idea – we know what you have to put up with! Pip

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  22. I loved this Rachel. 🙂

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  23. I love these close-ups! I think the rules are universal, though, and written into a sort of Dog’s Constitution somewhere; the Commandments the Great Rex brought down from the mound at the back of Tesco’s in Salford.

    Reply
    • I think you must be right. Maybe that’s what Cricket is doing when she spends so much time under the couch and the bed – she’s studying her copy of the dog constitution.

      Reply
  24. I’m going to have trouble keeping Tikkie from reading this.
    I don’t think he’s thought of some of the stuff on Cricket’s (long!) list – and his list is already pretty lengthy!
    I love your pictures – and their captions 🙂

    Reply
  25. Just like Lilyand Poppy! So adorable!

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  26. Lovely words and pictures

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  27. Hah … we take on so much guilt! “I am very disappointed in you.” (Even my cat Mitzi owns that look!) Love your captions!

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  28. Laughing…and cats are ten times worse!

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  29. So funny, these animals and their personalities! 🙂

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  30. Love the close up shots! Very cute!

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  31. The stink eye from a disapproving pet is the worst-sends me on a guilt trip.every.time. 😉

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  32. I loved this post! It was so much fun! 🙂

    Reply
  33. My Ali, who is a Bigon, has many of the same rules as Cricket. She believes she runs our house as well. Absolutely nobody she doesn’t know is allowed in our house and she literally slides across the wooded floor when the door bell rings. If it is the postman., she goes bunkers.

    Reply
  34. Aha…rules beget rules beget rules until one’s tail isn’t sure whether to wag or sag. Long live the Queen. 🙂

    Reply
  35. Such truth and humour! Our Chicki shares some of Butterfly’s and Cricket’s rules, too 🙂

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  36. These were great, Rachel. I think my dogs share a few of these rules!

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  37. I laughed al the way through this. I can so relate. Farley, my wheaten, has a lot of the same rules. And no big surprise, but I follow most of them.

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  38. My fur kids rules line up very closely to yours LOL! Great post.

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  39. They definitely have their own little personalities and are creatures of habit!

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  40. Max would like to know if Cricket’s rules can be made into a book. He would like to buy several copies for his friends to give to their moms. All proceeds would, of course, go towards the purchase of more chicken treats. 🙂

    Reply
  41. Why would anyone want to clean a dog’s poopy butt? 😉 Choppy has no idea why.

    Reply
  42. here i am to be helpful again lol thou shalt not give doggies string toys, the strings can get tangled in their intestines and kill them

    Reply
  43. They are such characters! Adoreable!

    Reply
  44. you have a very adorable puppy !

    Reply

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