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Cricket’s New Year’s Demands

 

Dear Mommy,

Why is it “beautiful” when birds chirp, but when I bark, you get mad at me? When Butterfly runs, Grandma says she’s full of joy, but when I run, you say I’m dragging you, and Grandma uses those bad words.

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“This way, Mommy!”

Mommy, I think you have it all wrong. I think I should bark more, and have more chicken treats (at least more than Butterfly, because she’s shorter than me and she actually likes kibble). I think I should be allowed to grow my hair until it sweeps the ground, and I should be allowed to keep my eye goop, and be able to cover myself in mud and poop if I want to, and you should never be allowed to put me in the bathtub ever again.

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“Barking is the most wonderful thing in the world!”

I should be able to go out to the backyard and catalog all of the sniffies, even if it takes me all day (squirrels and neighbors and cars and birds are distracting, so it’s not my fault it takes me so long).

I think we should start calling Butterfly “The Cat,” because it would be funny.

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“I’m a cat?”

I think there should be a rule that whenever one of my humans returns from “away,” they have to stand still so I can sniff where they’ve been, and there will be no changing clothes, or going to the computer, until I’m finished with my investigation.

The beach should be closer to my house, so I can smell rotting fish whenever I want.

The library should have a dog section, with aisles and aisles of smell stories, like little humans get to have picture books. What am I? Illiterate?

I think Grandma should have a warm fluffy coat like mine, so that she never complains again that it’s too cold to take me outside.

I think there should be a slide from the living room window to the yard, so I can go pee whenever I want.

I think it should snow more.

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I would like to know why I don’t have my own YouTube channel. I can climb in and out of boxes just as well as any cat!

I think I should never have to beg for people food again. Instead, I should be served my dinner on a plate. But, Butterfly doesn’t mind eating on the floor.

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“Why is it empty?”

I think we should eat more steak. And cookies. And French fries. And chicken skin. Lots and lots of chicken skin. Every night. Forever.

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“Chicken?!!!!!!!”

These are my demands, and Steven Colbert says that anyone who wears a big furry hat is in charge, and I wear a big furry everything, so that means I’m even more in charge than anyone else.

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“I’m in charge.”

 

Sincerely,

Cricket

About rachelmankowitz

I am a fiction writer, a writing coach, and an obsessive chronicler of my dogs' lives.

143 responses »

  1. Cricket has great demands. Would that we all had a slide to all those scents that bring out our curiosity and fulfill our desire for adventure, daily!

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  2. Wishing you, your mom, Butterfly and Cricket a New Year filled with “all the good stuff!”
    (PS tell Cricket she’s second because I know the alphabet too!)

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  3. What’s the problem? Those demands sound quite reasonable to me. Give in to them!

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  4. Fabulous, loved this story. And I agree these are all reasonable demands. I particularly liked the one about Grandma’s warm coat, hilarious. Happy New Year.

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  5. I think Cricket makes some valid points here.

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  6. I think she is right and everyone gets all the cookies, French fries and snow they want! What a lovely way to start 2017. Happy New Year

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  7. I want to add to her list of demands by letting her know how wonderful it is to roll in racoon poop.(Dictated to Elizabeth by her Australian Shepherd, Grace)

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  8. Cricket for President. Butterfly for Veep. (I’d vote for them in a heartbeat but I’m Canadian …)

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  9. lots more snow ☃🐶🐾🐾

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  10. Cricket–you are so adorable when you are demanding. Quite honestly, I don’t see a problem with any of these desires. I am especially pleased with your desire for smell books. Makes sense to me! I hope 2017 sees that you get everything you want….uh, demand. Happy New Year to you, Butterfly, your mom and grandma.

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  11. Lovely photos, Happy New Year to you and your fur babies and not forgetting your Mum 🙂

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  12. Happy New Year Rachel! Cricket makes me laugh with her logical dog world view, Rachel is a love, so thoughtful of her sister. Happy New Year’s to your lovely mom too. Xxoo

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  13. Sounds reasonable to me.

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  14. Wish you all the best

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  15. It’s Cricket’s world, we just live in it!

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  16. I’m with Cricket. If there a reason I can’t SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK anytime anywhere and when the spirit moves me?

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  17. That’s some list. Good luck to you, Cricket, on getting your way.

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  18. The last photo says it all! Happy New Year!

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  19. Us too! Love Pippa and Bentley ❤❤❤❤❤

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  20. Happy 2017 ! Oh Cricket that was so funny. Especially the Butterfly/cat thing. May all all your demands come though and may you all have a wonderful year 🙂

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  21. Cricket’s right, there should be more slides in the world…we should make it a big playground. Zeus fully agrees with her, he’s into treats and snuggles, and is happy to see me when I come home, but I should snuggle him always before I shower off the smoke and stale beer of work….and let him and Briannag sniff all of it.

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  22. Oh I loved this, especially ‘I wear a big furry everything’ for being in charge. Brilliant rachel. happy New Year to you and your babies, never fail to make me smile with their antics. 🙂

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  23. Delightful! Thank you. Love the photo of Cricket (I think) bounding in the snow.

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  24. Really Good, Rachel. I love first person pet stories.

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  25. Lol! Happy New Year sweetlings!

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  26. Warm wishes that 2017 fulfills all of Cricket and Butterfly’s dreams. Many treats and smiles to you and yours. Happy New Year!
    ღonika, Sam, & Elsa 🐾

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  27. Happy New Year! I love when Cricket is airborne!

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  28. Love the expression in these photo’s. Happy New Year Rachel.

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  29. Sweet Cricket you gave us smiles, what a fun post. Happy New Year, we hope for all wonderful things to come to you, Butterfly and family in 2017. Hugs and nose kisses Pooh, Chancy and Mumsy

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  30. We second these demands, Cricket, especially the one about people food. We’ve been enjoying turkey and chicken all through the holidays and now we’re expected to go back to kibble. Forget resolutions – maybe we should start a revolution! Millie and Pearl xx

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  31. very cute.. I enjoyed this post and my dog would like some of these same demands.

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  32. Just great!! Happy New Year!

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  33. Our Link and Spot echo each and all of your demands for this new year. I’m pretty sure most any canine and may be feline might feel the same lol. Happy New Year!

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    • In a few months, there are going to be slides coming out of every window in the world, for puppies who want to pee freely!

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      • YES!!! Puppies must be able to pee freely. They certainly do at my house. We still can’t get our Link to do his business exclusively outside. He has decided that since we do it inside, then he must as well. You can add that to Cricket’s list…ability to pee and poo-poo where the human’s do-do. “-P

  34. Ha, so cute! I especially love the dog section in the library. Mine would love it! Happy New Year! My Tempest & Sullivan send their best wishes for a scent-tastic new year to Cricket and Butterfly 🙂

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  35. Happy New Year Cricket and Butterfly and Rachel.X 🙂

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  36. Happy New Year to Cricket and Butterfly! Lulu also wants to remind cricket of the demands that she knows she did not mean to forget. Squirrels should be allowed inside, so that they can be chased whenever desired AND mommy should drop a small piece of every food on the floor prior to eating, so Cricket can perform the proper taste test.

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  37. Looking forward to more from Cricket and Butterfly (and Rachel of course!!) 🙂 Happy New Year to you all 🙂

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  38. best new year
    for you and cricket 🙂

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  39. Super cute! Happy New Year!

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  40. I think Cricket has reasonable demands!
    And Butterfly is just cute!!

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  41. Margaret Lynette Sharp

    Lots of dogs would agree with Cricket’s demands. 🙂
    Happy New Year!

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  42. Butterfly “The cat”? Aww….that’s too funny! Happy mew year to you and Butterfly!
    Cheers, ~(=^‥^)_旦~

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  43. I’m with Cricket. Cricket for president!!!

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  44. Oh yes, I can see the justification for these demands. But I cannot share them with Dylan. He might sign up 🙂

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  45. Oh Cricket, I hope all of your dreams and wishes come true! xoxoxo

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  46. Cricket has some interesting ideas. I hope my dog doesn’t read this blog and get ideas.

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